


I'm Not Getting Married

by LeilaLynnS



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Businessman!Jaemin, Doctor!Renjun, I'll add other OTPs as this progress, M/M, Pining, Platonic ReNoHyuck, Side WinRen, Tags as well, Yangyang is still available, terrible terrible angst, though not for long
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2019-10-08 22:30:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 47,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17394896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeilaLynnS/pseuds/LeilaLynnS
Summary: Huang Renjun is a 29 year old bachelor. He's a successful doctor with double specializations in Neurology and Psychiatry. He's living in success, awards, and wealth; all hard earned. His next goal is a Nobel Prize and another house in the countryside. None of those includes marriage despite everyone's pining and pitting. Jeno calls him crazy, he prefers to view it as "ending his lineage because matrimony and child rearing will be a pain in the ass and will hinder his growth in career."He has been successful in evading his mother's marriage pleads for the past three years.Until his mother threw an idiotic Capitalist on his lap and all headaches are induced.





	1. 1. Trust vs Mistrust (Oral Phase)

Looking above his slipped glasses, Renjun glared at his companion who have the audacity _to chuckle_. The nerve. Putting down the case study he has been reading just to drive away anyone with a dick and thick skin to approach their table, he removed his glasses and took a sip at his Chamomile tea in a mock grace.

“Stop staring at me while grinning like a demented clown. It’s disturbing.” He shot at the man in front of him who, instead of following his demand, did otherwise and widened his smile before fixing his coat and taking a sip at his own iced Americano, which, in Renjun’s not-so-humble opinion, the drink tastes disgusting; who the fuck drinks four Espresso shots thrown directly on ice without any precursor?

“And you should stop scrutinizing my drink. You do this every single time Injun.” The man in the glorious suit chuckled lightly as he rested his face on his right hand, just like a lovesick highs school girl. Eyeing the man up and down, Renjun finally noticed the how the man donned himself up for today. He’s usually so well-kempt (and _extremely_ charming although Renjun would never admit), but today, he seemed to be so spectacular- erm, _trying_. His usual solid colored dress shirt has been traded with a patterned one – a forsaken rose, Renjun hates roses – and his usual black coat is changed into an obnoxious blue. The business man has his brown hair, slightly resembling a coffee, styled up and left his leather shoes for a comfortable pair of Adidas.

Renjun squinted his eyes. “Stop calling me ‘Injun’ or I’ll crush your neck, or better yet, I’ll crush your brain stem.” The man in front of him gulped in fear. Who wouldn’t? This is Renjun’s specialty. He was successfully saved when his name was called in the counter. “Mr. Jaemin? Your cakes and coffee are ready sir.” The woman called.

Jaemin let out a sigh of relief as he scrambled out of his seat, finally having a good reason to escape Renjun’s piercing gaze.

Seeing the idiot go up the counter, Renjun let out a sigh as he finally closed the clear cover of the case study he’s been reading. It’s not like he really registered anything apart from the shapes in the figures and tables. Ruffling his ebony hair in frustration, he looked out of the window.

He hates his mother for thrusting that idiotic businessman onto his tightly closed hands.

 

 

 

Grumbling, Renjun slammed the papers he’s been reading as his mother finally crossed his patience. “I told you mother, I am not getting married!” He bellowed menacingly, the tip of his ears as well as his forehead red from anger and frustration. His mother kept on pestering him about the topic ever since he finally got promoted in the hospital and finally escaped the clutches of _death-shifts_. It was tolerable at first, but now that his mother is adamant and downright annoying, it’s became a nuisance and Renjun hates nuisance especially with his easily distracted self.

His mother was unfazed by his outburst though, already expecting such a violent reaction from his son; in fact, it just encouraged her even more. “First, how dare you raise your voice at your mother?! And second, Jun, you’re already twenty-nine for goodness sake! You haven’t even tried dating! Do give your poor, ailing mother a favor and grant her a son-in-law! And don’t you dare pull any shit on me child, I know you are gay the moment you started ogling Jeno when they moved across the street!” She flailed around.

Renjun massaged the bridge of his nose. This is pointless; it seems as if he’s not getting any dinner as his mother is too adamant to talk about marriage in front of him when he detests all subjects regarding marriage. “First,” he mocked his mother as he mimicked her voice, “that was fourteen years ago, let it go mother. Second, I am twenty-nine, sure, but also one of the most successful psychiatrist around. I plan to make a scientific breakthrough and earn a Nobel Prize mother. So cut this nonsense and let me eat in peace.” He turned his attention to his tea which has gone cold.

His mother let out a sigh, and he looks from under his bangs as he sensed that his mother will use her last card on him. Looking gloomily, his mother propped her chin on her hands and pouted as if she isn’t in her late fifties. “It’s just that, your father and I are getting old. We want to see you settle down with a loving husband and at least a kid or two to keep you company. What’s the use of all of those years studying and having such a high paying job when you don’t have anyone to share it with?” She looked down, looking just like a kicked puppy.

Renjun rolled his eyes and raised his left eyebrow on his mother. Despite his knowledge of his mother’s antics, he tried playing along with it. His way. “Mother, I do agree,” he smiled ever so slightly at his mother. The old woman perked up. “I spent all those years studying,” he nodded exaggeratedly, “I have such a high paying job, that’s why…” his soft smile turned wicked, “I’m not getting married. Ever.”

The old woman glared at him as she straightened herself. “You little shit. You dare to play with your mother! I am regretting letting you study medicine after your undergrad major. I knew you would not budge, you stubborn man.” She crossed her arms in front of her chest. Renjun shrugged and happily munched on a toast.

Ha. His mother could never win him in this argument.

“That’s why I set you up with the son of a friend of mine.” She grinned like a madman, crossing her legs and giggling like a high school girl. His jaw dropped, sending the barely chewed toast onto the napkin on his lap.

“Mother!” He exclaimed, finally losing it. He has always been aware of his mother’s overextending tendencies, it’s endearing when she’s not pushing him to get married, but this has crossed the line of being a thoughtful mother. It’s pissing him off. “I don’t need you to meddle in my life! I’m an adult! I know how to take care of myself and I know what I want and what I need! I don’t want to get married!” He finally stood and accidentally sent the Chinas flying, causing them to break.

Seeing the slight terror in his mother’s eyes, Renjun almost felt guilty, but he’s had enough. He’s been bottling up his irritation and he has to process it emotionally. He almost felt it alright that he suppressed his guilt seeing his mother huff in indignation. “I don’t care about what you say. This is for your own good.” She stood up and made a move to leave. “Meet him on Saturday at the café next to your workplace. 10 o’clock sharp Renjun.” She looked back at him, “You won’t embarrass me, right darling?” He smiled sweetly before finally exiting the dining hall.

Renjun thinks he might combust in anger. He won’t go. Never. Not in a million years. Not even if that man was his favorite EXO member, Oh Sehun, he’ll never meet him. Ha. Bold of his mother to assume that he cares whether he embarrass her or not. Let the man wait in him in vain. He’ll never appear.


	2. 2. Autonomy vs. Shame/Doubt (Anal Phase) - Eros and Thanatos Drives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renjun detests his Eros drive.
> 
> He just might make the businessman fall in love with him.

Grumbling, Renjun downs his third cup as he looks through his glasses to check at the time. ‘ _It’s already 9:59, where is that imbecile my mother thinks so highly of?_ ’ He never thought that he’d get tired of drinking tea but upon his fourth cup of Earl Grey, he considers throwing the pretty china on the ground and leave this hellhole.

He thought he can ignore his mother’s cold shoulder as well as Jeno’s calm, rational arguments with regards to this meeting with the man he never felt the need to get the name of. Well, he was wrong. Three days into his mother’s cold shoulder as well as Jeno’s soft encouragements (‘ _And here I thought he was my best friend, the traitor._ ’), he felt like dying in injustice and frustration.

So here he is, thirty minutes early, already on his fifth cup of tea, and ten seconds away from strutting out of the sickening café. The only thing probably keeping him on his seat is Jeno’s ringing voice in his head.

_“I’m sure auntie did not mean to cross you Jun-ah. She just wants you to be happy.” Jeno spoke without looking up from the reports he’s reading across the table. Renjun noted his barely touched food as he crossed his arms and legs in front of the table inside Jeno’s consultation room. It’s a good thing his friend is on lunch because the line of children and parents outside is not getting any shorter._

_“First of all Lee Jeno, just because you like children and getting married to Donghyuck does not mean I have to. And second of all, my happiness is not dictated by some idiot with either a vagina or a dick-” “Don’t act as if you’re actually into women-” “Irrelevant- but my point still stands. I’m not getting married.”_

_Jeno paid his outburst no heed as he continued on his little speech (more like soliloquy) while comparing various papers in front of him. “I understand where auntie’s coming from though. She let it slide seeing that both you and I were taking up med before, but now, with me and Donghyuck getting married and it’s literally only you who’s still unmarried in both our batch in high school and the batch succeeding us, even I am worried.” Jeno finally put down the two papers he’s holding up, staring Renjun straight in the eyes through his dark rimmed glasses. “Your pristine record is not helping your case either.”_

_Renjun rolled his eyes as he grabbed the growth chart on Jeno’s table. “Honey, I wouldn’t be this successful now had I let my Limbic System decide for me. It kept me alive, sure, but this success is all in my Cortex, thank you very much.” He mocked smiled before returning his gaze on the chart._

_Jeno scoffed, “You can’t use that shit on me Renjun. First, I graduated top of our class while dating Donghyuck, and second, thank your Limbic System for all those emotional associations in forming memories, it certainly helped you passed the board.” Renjun glared at his friend but having nothing to retort back. He just settled on smacking Jeno’s shoulder with the chart; he doesn’t have the heart to hit his best friend’s head._

_Turning back on his papers, Jeno continued, “Just give it a chance. I heard from Donghyuck that the guy is decent. He’s quite loaded with all of the successful deals and investments he had landed. He’s also incredibly smart, humorous, and_ good looking. _I just can’t remember his name.” His best friend wiggled his eyes at him. The audacity._

_Raising his eyebrow, Renjun inquired, “And how the fuck were the two of you able to gather this information?” His best friend shrugged, “Auntie begged me to convince you to go on that blind date and Donghyuck found out that he knows the guy, something about being classmates in middle school and all. They never lost contact despite the rarity in conversations.”_

_“Still, he’s a capitalist. He’s a fucking catalyst in the overwhelming and abundant inequality in our society. Dating a capitalist is against my morals.” Renjun tried to scavenge for an escape. Thank goodness for his wit and well-known sense of justice. He just hopes it becomes handy._

_Well, it doesn’t really work on his best friend. “Shut up with your activism and sense of social justice. The guy is a hardworker-” “Still a capitalist or better yet, aids all those capitalist corporations which oppresses the poor-” Renjun pipes in but also got cut off with Jeno’s “Good gracious Marx, what have you done with this little shit. I thought you took Psychology?”_

_Renjun looks smug as Jeno finally let out a long breath of frustration. “Please, just please. At least meet this guy.” He pressed his palm together in a pleading motion, and pouting just ever slightly, Jeno uses the one fatal act that Renjun could never, I repeat, NEVER, reject. He pouted and in came the blow of, “Do this for me?”_

Renjun bit his lower lip in frustration and ordered another cup of tea, now Jasmine, as he continued to glue his bum on the chair. ‘ _I’ll do this for five more minutes, and if that man isn’t here by 10:19, I’m leaving_.’ He silently wishes that the man doesn’t turn up until then so that he could have a good reason to bail out on this. He can already feel his lips quirking up at the premise of telling his mother that ‘ _Well, he’s really tardy and you know how much I hate tardiness. How can he be such a potential husband-_ ’ all his thoughts went down the drain when something entered his periphery.

A huge ass teddy bear, which is obnoxiously pink if he may add, is sitting in front of him. He scrunched his face in what he calls a ‘what-the-fuck’ motion and looked at the man which came along with it. “Ah, hey there. Huang Renjun, right?” He offered a hand.

Donned in a business casual attire, Renjun notices how the man looks stylish despite the unwillingness to admit it. The newcomer was wearing a baby blue dress shirt with a striped darker blue tie. On top was a cardigan in dark blue instead of the usual stiff coat paired with a cream pants and a classic brown leather shoes. He felt his cheeks heat up but quickly snapped his mind out of it.

Narrowing his eyes at the man who grabbed another seat as he moved the one with the _large stuffed toy_ on it to the left, Renjun looked back to the man and ignored the outstretched hand. “It’s Doctor. Doctor Huang Renjun. And you are?”

Seemingly taken slightly aback at the sassiness, the newcomer cleared his throat and pulled his hand back in embarrassment. “Right, _Doctor_ Huang Renjun. It’s Na Jaemin for you. You’re here quite early, huh?” The newcomer, Na Jaemin, made a poor attempt at changing the subject. It didn’t go unnoticed and Renjun almost cackled in glee seeing how his plan might just work after all. His plan of sabotaging this potential relationship and possibly remove his mother from his tail.

“I’m not _quite_ early, Mr. Na, you’re just _quite_ late.” Renjun gleefully replied as he took a sip from his tea. ‘ _It’s working well~ It’s working well~ Just a bit more~ We’ll shoo away this guyyyyy~_ ’ He singsong-ed inside his head in glee.

His joy must have slipped through the crack as Na Jaemin cracked a smile himself and looked over him in amusement. “Yet you seem quite delighted by it. _Very_ delighted, if I may add.” Renjun spluttered on his tea and the businessman chuckled as he handed over a napkin towards the flustered doctor.

Regaining his composure, Renjun looked passively towards the man and his outstretched hand before taking another to use. Wiping his mouth, “Actually I’m not.” He replied snarkily, deciding for one to forget all civility, he crossed his arms in front of his chest and crossed his legs. “You should have arrived even later so that I would have been gone by then and have a good reason to ditch this absurdity.” There it is, the reality. That was his ugly self that finally escaped all his restraints, ‘ _Sorry Superego, you’re irrelevant._ ’ He’s sure as hell that will make the man back out.

What he didn’t expect though was for the man to laugh. Yes, laugh. Na Jaemin is laughing loudly, eyes scrunching in mirth, head thrown back, and there were even tears escaping his sparkling eyes. His jaw dropped once more. “A-are you actually laughing?” He was caught off-guard. He should have taken that Masters in Psychology.

Wiping the tears in his eyes, the businessman composed himself without letting go of his smile as he looked straight into Renjun’s eyes. ‘ _Damn, that pierced my soul_ ’ “I’m sorry.” He coughed before gathering himself, still smiling _very_ widely (and irritating) in Renjun’s egoistic opinion. “First, I’m sorry I laughed, I just did not expect you’d be this… _interesting_. Mrs. Huang was right.” Renjun raised an eyebrow. “And second, I’m sorry I was late. An old lady was trying to cross the street and she had too many bags, I just can’t pass her by.” Na Jaemin smiled sweetly.

‘ _Hah. You’re actually playing that with me? Not on my territory dear boy, not here._ ’ Renjun scoffed. “First, of course I’m interesting, I know that much so I won’t say thank you. Second, don’t pull that shit on me, I know where you’re going and it won’t work on me. Thirdly, remove that sore eyes in front of me, I’m getting a headache.” He tipped his head on the direction of the _obnoxiously pink teddy bear_. This is going to a direction he never intended to embark and he’s getting stressed. ‘ _My cortisol levels must be sky high seeing that it reached my threshold._ ’

Jaemin, for the love of the universe, had the audacity to pout as he pulled the bear closer. “But why? I bought it for you. Mrs. Huang told me you like stuffed toys, she said that they help you relax considering the constant stress you have.”

If only he were younger and as passionate as he were when he was fifteen, he would have cooed and fell in love with the man in front of him in an instant. Heck, his walls almost cracked. _Almost_. However, he’s 29, turning 30, and pressured into marrying. So, he did not fell for that. “I hate pink.”

Jaemin pouted even further, “Figures. But can’t you at least take it though? Even as some sort of semblance to politeness?” And there it is, the puppy eyes.

Clearing his throat, Renjun evade just barely at the presence of the waitress he called over to take the newcomer’s order. “Order first, let’s talk about… _that_ later.” He looked away and took a sip of his tea.

After ordering another pot of tea, now Chamomile, to replace his gone cold Jasmine and accompany Jaemin’s iced Americano, Renjun took out his notepad and pen, ready for battle. You should know your enemy to know their weaknesses. “Na Jaemin…” he mumbled as he jotted down, “How old are you?” He looked up to the man in front of him who had gone confused.

“29… wait, what are you doing?” He leaned on the table to take a glance. Renjun tsk-ed, “Profiling. Gender, Male… Now, your educational background?” He looked up once more, but instead of answering, Jaemin just tilted his head with a, “But why?”

The now neurotic doctor did not answer and glared at him, “Just answer.” “Alright, alright. I finished Bachelor of Science in Business Administration major in Financial Management. I also have a Master’s in Business Administration.” The creeped-out male uttered unsurely. Renjun nodded as he wrote this down, totally ignoring the discomfort he is placing the other in. ‘ _That’s what you get for being a potential partner_.’

“What was your graduating GPA?” “A 4.15?” Renjun nearly snapped his neck with how abrupt he looked up in shock. “That high?!” Jaemin seemed to be embarrassed seeing that the tips of his ears are red and he’s scratching his neck. “Well, I was quite diligent and my friends were hell-bent on studying, I guess it rubbed off on me.” Renjun almost smiled. ‘ _At least he’s humble._ ’ Almost. “But you’re one to say when you lead the oath-taking in your batch.” Jaemin flashed him a charming smile. Renjun frowned.

“Shut up. How many siblings?” He proceeded in his interrogation. “None. I’m an only child. It gets quite lonely, to be actually honest.” The businessman seemed to be relaxing despite the absurd nature of their conversation. It’s most likely the context and manner.

Perking up at the unnecessary information, Renjun halted in his notes, “Why is that?” Jaemin shook his head, “Well, you know, sibling bickering, competition, and the likes. It seems fun.” He smiled. The doctor knows there’s more to it but deciding against more prodding. There’s a hint of sadness. And against all of his will and more inclined to his morals and principles as a practitioner in Psychology, he smiled.

Jaemin noticed the lift on his lips though, as the sadness totally vanished, replaced by childish giddiness. Renjun never hated his profession before but suddenly, he thinks that it’s distasteful how his instinct of compassion always resurfaces in the most inconvenient of times.

‘ _Damn you empathy._ ’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First things first, Jaemin’s outfit is based from here: https://www.business-casualforwomen.com/trendy-business-casual-men-best-outfits/2/ (Thanks google!)
> 
> Second, I'm seriously making a fool out of myself here. Those titles were out of accident. I'm sorry Erik Erikson, Sigmund Freud, your theories were dragged into this mess.
> 
> Lastly, to those who hit up and checked this idiocy, thanks people! 
> 
> I just hope I won't mess this up. TT.TT See you next week!


	3. 3. Initiative vs Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Past rainfalls and future sunshine.
> 
> Also,
> 
> A sneak peek into Jaemin's character.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you proceed, I'm warning you, Jaemin's work dynamic which was placed here as well as the titles are non-accurate. I don't know anything about businesses nor business majors nor the industries that's why I have to research a little bit which is quite insufficient even then. So end point is.... could you let any inaccuracies go? Just once? *Puppy eyes* and if you know anything about Sales and such, please do comment down so the future chapters can get a little bit better.
> 
> Also for the Chapter titles, it's getting hard to maintain Erikson's psychosocial stages to be actually honest. *insert devilish cackling* It's also getting very irrelevant, I swear. Please forgive me.

He can’t focus. Ruffling his newly dyed hair, now a golden caramel, Huang Renjun glared at the idiot who kept on wiggling his eyes in an attempt to be suggestive. He has a talk in about five hours and he is distracted. Damn his best friend and said best friend’s fiancé. Having had enough, he slammed his transcript on the table and glared at Donghyuck as well as Jeno who’s situated himself on the couch a little further back from his table.

“Shouldn’t you be doing wedding planning and the likes? Why are you here bothering me? I have a client in like three hours from now.” He removed his glasses and finally entertained the bothersome male in front of him.

Donghyuck, still clad in his uniform and probably not thinking to bother changing out of it and had gone straight to the hospital from the school, shot the psychiatrist a smug look and decided to prod him further about the absurdity from the weekend. “Soooo, how was Jaemin? A little bird told me that you actually enjoyed yourselves.”

Aghast at the notion, Renjun almost flipped his friend but managed to restrain himself. He just settled on leaning back on his seat and raising an irritated eyebrow. “I bet the little bird that told you is that demented Capitalist. And for starters, I did not enjoy myself. It was the most horrific moment of my life.” He shuddered at the memory of his stressful Saturday.

It was Donghyuck’s turn to look unimpressed. “Shut up. You spent a whole day with him for crying out loud! You barely spent ten minutes with the previous blind dates auntie and I had set up before! Do all of us a favor and stop lying to yourself.” The little shit had the audacity to look smug as he crossed his arms and legs and leaned back into his chair.

Instead of answering his prodding friend, he turned to his best friend who was having the time of his life watching kittens on his phone. _Yes, watching kittens_. Renjun swear he could almost see his cortisol levels skyrocket way above his threshold. ‘ _I wouldn’t be surprised if I develop some sort of trauma from these two and these two alone_.’ Gathering his shattered wits, he addressed his best friend. “Yah, Lee Jeno. Gather your man before I snap both of your brain stems.”

Instead of being a good friend, the traitor just waved his hand dismissively. “You enjoyed yourself. Otherwise you wouldn’t have taken a night shift from that same day and even secretly smile when you thought no one is watching. You’re not that industrious Jun.” He did not bother to look up and even cooed in between sentences upon the actions of the cats, which Renjun presumes, must be absolutely adorable to even miss one second of, Lee Jeno (2019).

He panics upon hearing Jeno’s words. ‘ _I did that_?’ Renjun’s thoughts started going haywire and it certainly shows with how ragged and constricted his breath started to become. He shut his eyes tight, hoping to regain control of his emotions but it seems to no avail. Flashes of his idiotic past are pounding on his head, threatening to burst and explode.

Donghyuck seemed to notice this shift although Renjun had gotten so good at composing himself despite rare breakdowns. “B-babe! I think Jun’s hyperventilating!” He called over to his fiancé who tossed his phone aside and run over to his best friend. Donghyuck took it upon himself to notify Renjun’s secretary that the doctor will not be entertaining any more patients for the whole afternoon and that she should go home as he locked the room and went over the stereo on the other side of the room and played a series of Mozart pieces which should work. Well, it usually does.

Jeno, on the other hand, placed a gentle hand on Renjun’s should but kept a comfortable distance between him and the crouched male whose seat is turned to the left with Jeno standing in front of him. “Jun, I need you to stand. Come on now.” He gently urged the distressed male up. Renjun did not budge at first, too occupied with his harried breathing and toxic thoughts to notice his best friend’s coaxing, but at Jeno’s third call, he finally looked up, tears streaming continuously down his cheeks.

“Stand up, come on. You need to regulate your breathing.” Jeno smiled patiently as Renjun got up to his feet despite a little difficulty. “Can you move your fingers around?” The golden-haired male followed his best friend’s instructions and turned his focus there, wiggling them around. “Now I want you to breathe with me. Inhale,” he followed his best friend’s slow intake of air, careful not to hog too much knowing that it will only worsen the situation, “now exhale.” He slowly let out the air he had just inhaled.

The two continued for a few more repetitions before the haze in Renjun’s mind finally subsided as well as his breathing finally returning to normal. Instead of letting him sit back down on his large, office chair, Jeno lead him to the couch to sit beside him together with a Donghyuck who’s ready with a jug of water. He smiled at the gesture.

Donghyuck handed him a water wordlessly and he took it at once. “Drink slowly.” The former reminded him, seemingly aware of his obsession to return back to his senses as quickly as possible. After drinking and gathering his senses, he took a deep breath before leaning back on the couch, Jeno on his left and Donghyuck on his right and both looking at each other in worry. Jeno knows not to prod and is not one to, believing that his friends will tell it themselves on their own accords if they deem it proper to do so, Donghyuck, however, doesn’t. “Are you alright?” The tan male started, concerned but careful nonetheless.

Renjun nodded. “Among your countless tragedies, which is it that Jeno triggered? And what was the trigger?” Jeno glared at his fiancé but got an impassive look in return. The eldest of the three, which is Renjun, deemed it helpful to process what happened emotionally to prevent further onslaught of problems in the nearer future. “Kim Chanhee. Secretly smiled.” He replied curtly, knowing fully well that his friends will catch on.

The two stiffened with Donghyuck’s expression morphing into one of anger whereas Jeno’s morphed into one of resignation. Renjun had to get triggered now of all times. Jeno refused to apologize, knowing that doing so will only further aggravate Renjun. The last thing they want is to pull out their friend from withdrawal.

“Let’s get you prep up for your talk later.” Donghyuck, the ever caring of the three, smiled softly as he patted the eldest’s head. Renjun smiled and nodded appreciatively, he’d really love that.

 

 

 

Trying to fix his currently unkempt ashy brown hair, the Chief Sales Officer grabbed his coat from the rack as he loosened his constricting tie around his neck. He crouched down to pick up his suitcase and groaned slightly as he straightened back. He felt the years he had worked his ass off finally biting him back in that same ass. Well, he did party sometimes. ‘ _Alright, I party almost every week.’_ He grumbled upon the realization.

“Yeri, I’ll be leaving early today, I have a seminar to attend.” He notified his secretary as he passed her cubicle in front of his office. “If anyone wants anything, the files are on my table, all alphabetically arranged, just ask for the title. If they want to talk to me, tell them to wait until Monday. Don’t you dare give my number again.” He warned the red-haired female who just rolled her eyes as she crossed her legs despite the obvious tightness of her skirt, flashing skin as the skirt rode up her thighs. “Also, stop wearing that kind of skirts, it looks uncomfortable.”

“Jaemin, that was one time.” She groaned in frustration. “Also, I will wear what I want to wear.” She stuck out her tongue at her boss before turning back to her monitor. Jaemin rolled his eyes at the exchange. Hierarchy barely exists with him and his subordinates, he suddenly wonders if he should have asserted himself a little stronger when he started. But then, he was not really fond of strained and tensed social relations, so he wouldn’t have done it otherwise either.

As he approached his car, a silver Cadillac sedan – a CTS-V, he heard his ringtone. He answered the phone absentmindedly, he knows it’s his mother. “Oh, Mom, why have you called?” He greeted as he got inside the driver’s seat, hastily throwing his suitcase on the backseat.

His mother’s gentle voice filled the ringer. “Son! Are you free this night? I want you to come home for a dinner. It’s been ages.” He can hear the slight pout on his mother’s voice which lifted up the corners of his lips. “I can’t make promises, I have a seminar to attend. I’ll try my best to come home though.” He started the engine and put the phone on speaker.

“That’s a shame, I do hope you make it. I invited the Huangs over, Yangyang and little Chen Le are back in town and you know how much I adore those two. It’s such a waste Renjun grew up too cold. Incredibly intelligent but ice cold.” His mother’s stories rang throughout the car. Jaemin smiled as he replied. “I actually beg to disagree mom.”

“Oh really? Why is that?” There’s a slight perk in his mother’s voice which he did not easily picked up. “Well, I think he’s a good psychiatrist.” The both of them know its indications and he knows that his mother has gotten the message. “Oh well. Take care! Don’t forget to eat lunch before going to the seminar, and drink plenty of water!” Jaemin chuckled at his mother’s caring attitude. “Alright mom, I will. I love you!”

Arriving at the university where the seminar is going to be held, Jaemin took his mother’s advice first and ate at a nearby restaurant before proceeding in. He took his kit and headed towards the area where their clients are currently situated.

The only reason he bothered to attend a seminar for medical students and medical practitioners is because the company’s current endeavor involves medical innovations; the company aims to merge with a hospital to create a therapeutic company and he wants to get oriented as much as possible as well as test the waters with the people he will be interacting with.

Putting on his best ‘business yet cheery’ smile, Jaemin greeted their clients whom, if the merger is actualized, are his future colleagues. “Hello there Mr. Lee, Atty. Wong.” The two, upon the orientation of his presence, smiled back as widely as him and offered him a seat beside Wong Yukhei.

‘ _Mark Lee, 41, director of the N Hospital. Wong Yukhei, 41 as well, this man’s husband, the head of the legal team of N Hospital_.’ He recited inside his head to scramble topics which he can open with the two men beside him. “So how are things going in your end?” He smiled at the two.

Waving his hand in the air, Yukhei answered his question, “Well, we’ve been carefully selecting from our pool of doctors as to who would be the best to place in research.” Jaemin nodded at the information, not really understanding the mechanisms of their fields. “There are so many competent doctors, many are vying for the positions, but the some of the ones we’ve actually handpicked rejected.” Now, it was Mark’s turn to explain.

Not really digesting the information, Jaemin further inquired just to keep the conversation going, seeing that there are still five minutes before the first speaker goes up. “Why have they rejected the offer though?” Mark sighed, “Well, I have my eyes on two of our doctors but one rejected because he wants ‘to serve as much people as possible’ whereas the other did because the former is his best friend. In my perspective, the two are just lazy to take up the position, but when it comes down to it, I bet we can pull them into this. Well, it’s more like, Doctor Renjun is too lazy and is just hiding behind the façade of his sense of social service and Doctor Jeno stands where his best friend stands.” The director shook his head in both amusement and exasperation.

The Chief Sales Officer’s ears perked up at the mention of the name, but before he could question any further, the emcees officially started the event. He decided to just ask later when he remember.

He really can’t process majority of the things which are being said so he let his mind escape a few a too many times, returning back to the small workload he left behind, to his plans of going to Amsterdam for vacation, and even to his plans of getting shitfaced throughout the weekend. At least he’s only going to bear with this for only two hours.

“An acclaimed Doctor of N Hospital, let us all welcome, Doctor Huang Renjun!” Jaemin snapped his head up, surprised to see the small frame of the man he subconsciously longed to meet again from their meeting from the week prior. Thanking the near proximity of his seat from the podium, he noted how the Doctor seemed to radiate with confidence and pride (as well as beauty in his extremely subjective perspective). Renjun’s golden caramel hair looks so soft as it falls naturally on his forehead and he’s wearing a simple white dress shirt, with the first button unbuttoned and sleeves folded into three-fourths, tucked inside a navy-blue dress pants and a simple white Nike.

It’s nothing short of simplicity and professionality but all Jaemin could see is pink and hearts. ‘ _This is definitely the alcohol talking, I shouldn’t have drunk that wine earlier_.’ He thought in passing but was quickly mesmerized even further when the doctor started talking.

He can understand nothing with all of those technicalities that flowed out of Renjun’s pretty mouth, all he could feel is the admiration and attraction that’s surging in his veins. He smiled as Renjun interacted with his audience and felt his chest swell when the man laughed at a joke only them medical people understand.

It’s very fascinating and joyous to see this passionate, amused, and confident side of the doctor. Although the grumpy, sassy, and sarcastic side is cute as well. Jaemin feels that he shouldn’t be getting attracted this quickly, but if the man he’s falling for is like this, only an idiot would reject the notion.

Due to his preoccupation, he did not notice the amusement of the couple beside him. “Doctor Renjun is really attractive, don’t you agree?” Yukhei whispered beside him, jostling him out of his reverie. Realizing how idiotic he must have been earlier, he coughed but agreed nonetheless. He was never fond of hiding his feelings anyway. “His future partner will be very lucky to have him.” He heard Mark whisper from beside Yukhei.

He couldn’t help but agree. “Yeah, his future partner will, _indeed_ , be very lucky to have him.” He smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'll do this here since it would be very inappropriate up there, but I would like to give my utmost thanks to those who commented on the past chapters. Like, you really are such angels. Thank you very much for the kudos as well! All of such feedbacks are greatly appreciated. Please do leave feedbacks and comments for suggestions, thoughts, even random gable will be greatly appreciated! Lot's of love!


	4. 4. Industry vs Inferiority: Competency

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things went haywire. This is so uncharacteristically Renjun and it's making him crazy.

Straining a smile, Renjun returned his focus on his food. It’s nothing short of simple. A simple stew, a cup of rice, some side dishes, and that’s all. He’s not a big eater anyway, but for some odd reason, this mediocre meal is the only thing which is not annoying him in this strange household. Even Guanheng, the only member of his family he is not annoyed of, is being intolerable with his side-eyes and the mischievous glint in his eyes. He clenched his jaw. He would have sighed thirty minutes ago but he deemed it disrespectful to the hostess.

Restraint is absolutely difficult as well with how intensely he is being observed by the man in front of him. He swears he could almost see hearts in the man’s eyes. The thought made him shiver which, unfortunately, did not escape the hawk-eyes of the mistress of the house and the demented capitalist in front of him. “Oh my, are you cold Renjun? Should I turn down the aircon?” She made a move to grab the controller from beside her. He snapped his head up and shook it fervently, taken aback that somebody actually noticed his not-so-subtle malfunctions, “Oh please no, that would be highly unnecessary Mrs. Na.” He offered a regretful smile.

Jaemin doesn’t seem to be convinced though, “Are you sure? You look quite pale.” The doctor figured it must be because he’s still quite disoriented from his episode. It’s nothing serious though, so he just shook his head. His dramatic family, however, took it upon themselves to exaggerate the situation more than it actually is. An action which is intended to push him further on Jaemin’s lap, he figures.

Chen Le, being the most dramatic little shit, dared to gasp and widened his eyes at Renjun. “Oh my! Brother! I never noticed. Now that Jaemin mentioned it, you do look quite sickly. Thank goodness Jaemin is such an observant man. Ah, how lucky you are, you have earned yourself quite the reliable man!” Renjun felt his eyebrow twitch.

Dejun and Yangyang, being among the thorns in his life, snickered and decided to jump on the bandwagon. “In that I do agree. Based on what I have inferred and gathered, Jaemin here is quite a successful man. Besides his success, it seems as if you’ve earned yourself a soft spot in his life, brother. Don’t you think so mother?” Dejun smiled smugly and even managed to weave in their equally annoying and quite enthusiastic mother. ‘ _He’s lucky I am actually fond of his husband or I would snap his brain stem right here and then._ ’

Yangyang raised his eyebrows innocently as he put on his usual kind façade. “You really have raised such an honorable young man here Mrs. Na.” He batted his eyelash. ‘ _Kind my arse. That little shit is out to get me I swear. Well, aren’t they all out to get me?_ ’ Renjun turned his head away from the hostess and turned to his adoptive brother as he gave him an unimpressed look. ‘ _Really?_ ’ He mouthed and Yangyang merely smiled that innocent smile of his which made the whole school bow down to his whims when they were in high school. Not him, sure, but certainly the whole table.

“Aww, thank you Yangyang. You’ve grown quite well yourself and certainly handsome, Fany here raised you boys quite as well.” She patted Mrs. Huang’s back and the two chuckled good-naturedly. Renjun smiled gently, ‘ _She sure did._ ’ He felt Guanheng place his hand on top of his while offering him a comforting smile. He smiled back at the elder and took the former’s hand into his, gripping it.

His family may be annoying him so much that he wants to snap all of their brain stems and toss their carcasses into the river but by the end of the day, he just loves them so much and appreciates all of the effort their mother put into raising them. The whole situation is absurd, at least in his not so humble opinion, but he smiles widely at the hostess. “She sure did Mrs. Na and did a fantastic job at it.” He finally made his first non-idiotic and non-strained statement in the night.

Everyone around the table smiled.

 

 

 

He hiccupped once, twice, thrice before he felt his throat burning. He staggered towards the bathroom to vomit whatever he has to vomit. He decided to fuck himself once more and drink himself shitless. He’s now regretting drinking too much way past his limit as he continued his retching.

He slumped back on the cold, tiled wall of the bathroom, staring blankly ahead despite his droopy disposition. Tears suddenly streamed down his sweaty face. ‘ _It’s so fucking lonely._ ’

 

 

 

Glaring at the horrific ringing his phone is making, Renjun pondered whether to answer his wretched phone or not. In the end, he decided to answer it to end it once and for all. Who knows, it could be the director who is adamant into pitching him into the research team. Annoyed, he swiped it answer.

“Hello, Huang Renjun speaking, who is this?” He started polite despite knowing that his voice is still thick with sleep. He’s sarcastic and bitter and all, but he can never forget his manners and professionalism. Even on a Sunday morning at an ungodly hour. ‘ _This better be important or I’ll make sure they will not live long enough to see the sunset._ ’

“Renjun? This is Jaemin’s mom.” Well, that was unexpected. “ _Oh_ , yes Mrs. Na, what can I help you with?” His voice remained passive and professional despite the itch in his throat to make it sound a little bit politer, _sweeter_. ‘ _Yeah, sweet. Ha._ ’ He retaliated against himself inside his head.

Noticing the stillness from the other line, Renjun furrowed his eyebrow. “Mrs. Na?” He tried. “Oh, yes, yes. This might seem presumptuous of me and even downright obnoxious, but could you do me a favor?” The old woman sounded hesitant, Renjun frowned. ‘ _If she’s willing to ask for help from an asshole like I am, it must be pretty serious._ ’ He replied, “Please tell away Mrs. Na, I’ll do everything I can to help.”

This seemed to comfort the old woman as he heard a sigh from the other line. It was a sigh of relief. “Well, Jaemin hasn’t been answering my calls since last night. I know that he’s a grown ass man, but he never ignores my calls or would text back. I haven’t heard from him since last night and I might just be overreacting-” At this point, the woman started to ramble and Renjun noticed that she’s panicking so he decided to take matters into his own hand. “Mrs. Na, I want you to breathe in for me.” He urged the old woman.

Mrs. Na seemed to follow his instruction as she stopped rambling and took in a deep breath, “Now exhale. Please calm down. So he has been out of coverage since last night?” He asked for confirmation. Upon hearing a light ‘yes,’ Renjun hummed in understanding. “Do you think he’s in his apartment?” He inquired. “I’ve asked the security and they said that after returning home briefly at 2 am, he headed out once more. I don’t know who to ask for help Renjun, I don’t know any of Jaemin’s peers, he doesn’t really tell me much.” The distress in the old woman’s voice has become apparent albeit calming down a little.

Resigning to his fate, Renjun massaged his temples. ‘ _I can’t really ignore a distress call, can I?_ ’ Standing up, he grabbed his towel to head for the bathroom. “Alright. Can you give me Jaemin’s address? I’ll go find him and start there.” “Alright. I’m very sorry for the disturbance Renjun, you were the only one I know how to contact. Also, thank you.”

Running through a quick shower, Renjun chose the closest comfortable sweater and the most comfortable jeans he had before putting on a pair of sneakers and heading out. He’ll definitely regret not drying his hair before going out, but first things first.

Taking a quick look at the address given to him, Renjun decided to call Donghyuck above all else. Maybe his friend has an idea, it will save him so much time as well as brain power. “Come on Hyuck, answer.” He tapped his feet impatiently as he both waited for his friend to answer his phone as well as for the lift to finally open. After six rings, Donghyuck answered. “Yah, Huang Renjun, what the fuck is wrong with you calling at seven in the morning?” He heard jostling and he knows that Jeno must be grumbling beside his fiancé, being disturbed very early in the morning. The lift arrived and Renjun hopped on it.

“Mrs. Na called earlier, asking for help. Jaemin has been out of reach since last night and she doesn’t know who to contact. Do you have any idea where he could possible go?” The lift finally opened and ge got out to get to the parking lot. He heard the line went static for a moment until Donghyuck jostle as if realizing something. “I know! I’ve seen my previous classmates’ posts on SNS about hanging out with some sort of ‘big shot’ in our batch. I did not think much of it at the time considering how dramatic those bastards are, but maybe it’s Jaemin? I’ll call them for you and then call you back ASAP.” The younger told him and he hung up.

Approaching his silver Mazda, Renjun hastily placed his ear-set and drove to Jaemin’s address. That was the first place he thought he should start, hoping that maybe the man had gone back. It shouldn’t really worry him much, but he’s still humane despite what he says and he can’t really bear to stomach if ever something happened to the man despite being both demented and a capitalist. He stepped on the accelerator and barely passed the speed limit.

Upon arriving on the apartment complex, he headed straight to the lift to take him to the penthouse. ‘ _He sure is extremely wealthy. If I weren’t so worried right now, I would be in awe at how he managed this without any inheritance.’_ As he got out of the lift, his phone ringed; it was Donghyuck. “What have you gathered?” He started, clearly and concisely. “They told me that Jaemin left early, just around 12. They said that the man’s barely tipsy when he left.” He nodded despite knowing that the younger can’t see him. “Alright, I’m here. I’ll update you later. Thanks for the help Hyuck. Now go enjoy with Jeno.” He chuckled as he heard an indignant sound from the other line.

Taking in a deep breath, he proceeded to punch the code Mrs. Na sent him. ‘ _Please be here. Please be here._ ’ As he opened the door, the strong stench of vomit and alcohol sent him staggering back. “What on earth- this looks like a goddamn pigsty.” Renjun exclaimed under his breath and took out his handkerchief to cover his nose and mouth. ‘ _This is the reason why I did not take Medical Technology as my premed._ ’

Carefully walking in, he took in the chaos which is the living room. Bottles of soju were left scattered around, there’s a patch of dried vomit on the carpet, and the whole living room is trashed what with how the couches were flipped and thrown. He furrowed his eyebrows. Following the trail of the vomit, it leads to a room which he presumes must be where the bathroom is considering the tiles he can see from the little creak. ‘ _Found you._ ’

Removing his shoes, he carefully tiptoes towards the bathroom, being too careful not to touch any of the disgustingness around him. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door. He took a great sigh seeing the pitiful being in front of him which is sitting in front of the toilet bowl. His eyes are closed, there’s still a trace of vomit on the side of his face and there are dried tear tracks across his face. ‘ _It’s so sad._ ’

Turning around, Renjun navigated himself around the house to find clothes as well as towels. Leaving the clothes on the bed after finding those from the man’s bedroom, he took the towels with him, ready and prepared for battle. He returned to the bathroom and proceeded to do _volunteer work_. ‘ _Well, what else would it be? I’m not kind enough to actually help. This is just a volunteer work._ ’

After running a towel through the water, he kneeled and wiped the unconscious male’s face. Gentle and tender, Renjun made sure not to feel exasperated at the work he’s doing at such an early hour. ‘ _He smells two of my most detested scents – smoke and liquor – but I can’t deny that even while disoriented, he can be quite good looking._ ’ A small smile made its way on his face which had gone unnoticed even to him. He sent a quick text to Mrs. Na that he had found Jaemin and that he’ll take care of him.

“Jaemin?” He called, gently patting the man’s face. “Jaemin?” He called once more, hoping that the man would wake up sooner because he doesn’t really want to carry a dead weight across the living room. Luckily, Jaemin woke up on his fifth call. The man’s eyes were bloodshot and lost as he regained consciousness.

“Renjun? W-what are you doing here?” Jaemin shot up upon recognition. The action seemed to trigger his neck pain as he was wincing the next second. Renjun chuckled lightly and nodded. “Can you stand up?” He refused to answer the question by throwing another question. The man is too disoriented to notice the subtlety and nodded instead. The doctor aided him as he staggered to get on his feet.

The two were in the bedroom within seconds, what with Jaemin sporting a massive headache and Renjun too adamant to drop the weight as soon as possible. “Please change your clothes. I’ll be back.” He ordered gently before going to the kitchen to get water. He gave the water to Jaemin upon returning and helped the latter lie down when he finished.

“Can’t you give me painkillers though? I have some on my medicine cabinet inside the bathroom.” Jaemin groaned as he placed an arm over his head. “No, it will only worsen your hangover. I left water on your table so just drink some and get some sleep.”

Seeing that his work is already done, he decided that it’s time for him to go. “I’ll go now.” He gently notified the man but as he was turning to leave, he felt a gentle tug on his sweater, halting him in his tracks. “Can you not leave?” Renjun can’t take that dejected-puppy look on the other. He knows that he should go, there’s no point in him staying and he’s sure as hell that he won’t clean the pigsty this demented man – now melancholic – made, but… those eyes.

“Sure.”

Now, he knows that he willingly signed up for his own demise as he witnessed the melancholy wither ever so slightly and got replaced by a dimmed light. He almost smiled back seeing Jaemin smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this was a day late. And I'm sorry if this became sooooo cliche, even I don't know where that came from. I thought of ways and situations which could showcase both characters' behavior and qualities without telling much and this shit came out. I'll accept if you leave. T_T 
> 
> Anyways, thank you so much for leaving comments and kudos! Thank you for appreciating this little..... Anyways, thank you so much! Let's meet again next week!


	5. 5. Identity vs Role Confusion: Fidelity; Genitalia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two had a great time.
> 
> Until Renjun encountered unwanted sensations.

He doesn’t know what to feel, that’s what kept his mind preoccupied as he continued to watch over the unconscious man in front of him. It has been approximately thirty minutes since the male finally succumbed to the sea of dreams yet Renjun made no move to leave. ‘ _This is strange in all levels of strange Huang Renjun. Get up and get the hell out._ ’ His Ego-Ideal is telling him that he should leave and his Conscience agrees that he should not spend any minute longer in that room lest he face grievous consequences but his Id – his pleasure principle – is overpowering his rationality.

Under normal circumstances, he would have turned down such childish request, but here he is, staring at the peacefulness Na Jaemin is embodying. He doesn’t understand why he is yet to remove the other man’s hand which is clutching his but he’s certain of one thing, ‘ _This is fucking catastrophic._ ’ Upon realizing, he hastily removed his hand and clutched at his chest in reflex. He needs to get his act together.

 

He can’t stay in this place any longer. This is dangerous, absolutely dangerous. He can’t understand why the fuck is blood rushing to his face (actually he can, he just refuses to admit that Jaemin is his _stimulus_ ) nor why is his heart palpitating when he knows he quitted caffeine a year ago. He was scrambling to get out of the flat but just as he was reaching for the knob of the door in the room, he halted harshly. “ _Can you not leave?_ ”

 

Jaemin’s short, curt plea ringed harshly inside his head. Renjun sighed, still moving to get out of the room but all intents of leaving thrown out of the window with the businessman’s melancholic eyes haunting him in the back of his mind. ‘ _I’m not cleaning this pigsty though. I swear, I did not study and worked my ass off for almost fifteen years just to slave off for the man my mother threw at me from the left field._ ’

 

But the chaos is stressing him. He’s not particularly sensitive but the rubbish around is making him neurotic. He’s still unwilling to clean up this mess, because he’s not generous. However, after ten minutes of feeling his cortisol levels rise, he decided that he’s had enough. “I’m damned enough as it is, might as well stop my cause of distress.” So he called for a cleaning service. ‘ _I can’t believe I’m wasting money on this idiot._ ’

 

Two and a half hours later, he’s in the kitchen, brewing from whatever shit he could scavenge from the businessman’s useless refrigerator. He found out that despite being seemingly well off, the man has a lifestyle which could make any dietician cry out in horror. Apart from a huge stash of alcohol, there is nothing edible apart from a couple of eggs which are already two days past due date.

 

He settled on making some noodles with eggs for the both of them since he hasn’t eaten anything either considering that he flew to the man’s house from the moment he woke up. He’s running on autopilot, stirring as well as cracking eggs and mixing the two. As he placed down the chopsticks to let the noodles boil for a while, he felt arms snake around his waist.

 

As if on cue, he felt adrenaline being released all over his body. He elbowed the figure behind him and turned around as briefly to twist the hand of the assailant which is unsurprisingly Jaemin who’s wincing and begging in pain. “Aw Injun! It hurts!”

 

Breathing out in relief, Renjun dropped his hand as if he’s burned and clutched his chest. “You moron- why did you sneak up behind me?! And how dare you lay your filthy hands on me?!” He screamed in both anger and frustration. He really got frightened for a second there, thinking that it might actually be an assailant or an intruder or possibly a sociopath. Paranoia is eating him.

 

Jaemin stood up from where he was kneeling on the floor and approached Renjun carefully. The latter was leaning back against the kitchen counter, still breathing hard and clutching his chest with his eyes tightly shut. He’s regulating his breath but the shock was still apparent and he can’t stop the tears which flowed out. Repressed memories are knocking hard on his skull, sending him crouching on his knees.

 

The businessman turned off the stove and crouched in front of the crying figure. Taking gently the hand which is hanged limply on Renjun’s side, he caressed the top of the hand. “Renjun?” He called gently. The doctor slowly opened his eyes upon the call.

 

He looked up and boy did time stopped. Jaemin obviously looked disoriented and messy with his ashy brown hair all over the place. The business man’s eyes is slightly red and his face is quite puffy, now being due to just waking up. It was still quite early so the sunlight which escaped the curtains are shining brightly behind the man and it gave some sort of ethereal charm to the man in front of him. And that smile, that thousand-watt smile of his was sending electricity all over Renjun’s body, making him forget momentarily about the pounding in his head.

 

He felt his breath hitch upon seeing the man. ‘ _He does look ungodly_.’ A voice inside him teased which he had nothing to retort.

 

It had been ages since he got flustered. He almost forgot the sensation by then until the man in front of him reminded him of it. He’s yet to find out whether or not he like it. Unconsciously, he stopped crying simultaneous to the shift in his thoughts.

 

“Can you take a deep breath for me?” Jaemin encouraged him, his smile never waning for even one second. He snapped back to his senses.

 

Realizing that he’s drowning into Na Jaemin’s chocolate orbs, Renjun shot up so quickly he almost tumbled and wiped his face hastily. “I’m sorry for _that_.”

 

Eyebrows scrunched, Jaemin does look confused with the abrupt change but Renjun paid it no heed as he hastily wiped his face and turned towards his dish which luckily was not overcooked nor undercooked. He took a deep breath and walked past the businessman to get plates.

 

Renjun is deeply ashamed with his earlier actions but he figured that not running away is the adult thing to do albeit the itching in his skin to just jolt up and rush out. At the same time, his sense of responsibility to make sure that the other man is alright is overwhelmingly strong, thus, his self-constraint as well. He started dividing portions and placed them on the table. “Come on, I did not sweat all morning just for you to stand there.” He remarked, no bite in his words.

 

As the two sat down, with Jaemin gobbling the food in the speed of light, Renjun noted the glint on the other’s eyes earlier. The mix of melancholy, longing, and exhaustion was too apparent and too strong that it pierced his heart. ‘ _Had I been younger and susceptible to such strong emotions, I would have enveloped him in my arms._ ’ Setting aside his improper thoughts, he thought of what could have caused such strong negative emotions to push through the man’s eyes. ‘ _And he always seems so joyous. Just how much of yourself are you hiding?_ ’

 

His pondering was cut short as Jaemin surprised him with his coughs as the latter just choked on his food. Shaking his head in amusement, Renjun stood up and took a glass of water before handing the dying walrus the glass. “Slow down, my food isn’t that great and choking on it is far from attractive either. There’s more if you’re still hungry.” Jaemin looked at him, scandalous, at that. “What do you mean not great?! This is absolutely and infuriatingly amazing! I am infuriated that despite your busy schedule, you have the skills! I can easily ditch work but I can’t cook to save myself.” The man pouted but continued eating nonetheless.

 

Renjun smiled despite himself. He focused on his food instead.

  
  


  
  


  
  


“Thank you for calling in someone to clean the place. How much do I owe you?” Jaemin flashed a glance at Renjun before returning his gaze at the piece of Jengga stacks he is trying to remove. Renjun rolled the dice which determines what colored pieces he is supposed to take. “Just a couple of hundreds, your place was tragic I almost felt guilty calling for help.” He tsk-ed when Jaemin, once again toppled the structure when he moved a piece accidentally. Jaemin pursed his lips in guilt and reached over the shelf behind him to grab his wallet. Renjun took it upon himself to fix the tower once again.

 

After eating, they both agreed to play some indoor games to pass time. Jaemin first suggested monopoly but quickly retracted it back after the intense glare the doctor pointed at him. “ _You want me to play a game which is basically what you Capitalists play?_ ” He never felt more scared hearing that low voice. Thus, the two settled on a good ol’ Jengga after Renjun’s exasperated reaction upon seeing the chess board. It should be more fun and wouldn’t really require mind power. The two actually spent some good time playing with Jaemin constantly knocking over the structure and Renjun barely reacting apart from an eye roll but would fix the stacks every single time.

 

They continued on playing like that and Renjun is slowly easing up towards the businessman as he is already shouting and exclaiming by the end of the second hour. Halfway through the third hour of their game, Renjun’s phone rang, startling him which made him flinch and topple the stack over. This lead Jaemin toppling on the ground in laughter. “At last! The great Renjun met his downfall!” He exclaimed, looking like an overjoyed child. “Oh do shut up, you overdramatic child.” Renjun made face before standing up and taking the call. It was Donghyuck.

 

He was met with the shilling voice of the slightly younger. “Oi Huang! What happened?! We haven’t heard from you for over five hours! What on earth happened?! Have you found Na Jaemin?!” The younger man inquired rapid-fire, almost leaving him breathless. Slightly chuckling, Renjun shifted his weight from his left leg to his right leg. “Calm down Hyuck, I’m still at Jaemin’s. I’ve been looking over the demented Clown. Don’t worry and just enjoy with Jeno.”

 

The younger huffed but sighed shortly. “Alright. I was just worried. I was thinking if I had to find two people instead of one.” “Darling, I told you Jun is perfectly fine. You should have just believed me.” He heard Jeno in the background, sounding exasperated as well. “Well I’m sorry if I’m the only one normal here! A normal friend would worry when his other friend suddenly went out of reach and did not bother to call him back! I’m sorry if I’m not as apathetic as you two!” Donghyuck exclaimed. The two must have been arguing with Donghyuck being constantly anxious and it seems like Jeno has failed to calm down his fiancé even with his calm and rational disposition. The guidance counselor tends to be extremely protective of him so he’s not exactly surprised. The banter from the other line brought a smile on his face.

 

Finally deciding that he’s had enough amusement from the to-be-weds, he piped in. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll just stay here for a little bit longer before heading home. And stop arguing, I’m a grown ass man for crying out loud.” He hung up, still smiling. He always act pissed towards the world, like an angsty and rebellious teenager, but he knows how blessed he is despite all his lacking and ineptitude in life and self. There are so many things he doesn’t have but the little ones he has compensate for those. Sometimes, they are enough to keep him going and breathing even when it becomes hard to do so.

 

“Hey! Why am I a demented clown?!” He was taken out of his reverie when the man in front of him suddenly exclaimed as the line went static. He raised an eyebrow and put down his phone. “Well aren’t you?” He retorted back. This brought a scandalous expression on Jaemin’s face which made Renjun snort _quite_ unattractively. Jaemin was about to shot back a reply but was unable to as the front door suddenly opened.

 

Mrs. Na entered, her hands full of shopping bags, obviously coming from the grocery store. Her eyes are twinkling in joy despite seeing the mess which the two grown ass men made in the living room. “I see you’re quite enjoying yourselves.” She piped, obviously overjoyed. The doctor noted how her grin greatly resembles her sons. He stood up and greeted the woman politely. “Hello Mrs. Na.” This action seemed to delight the woman as she approached the man with her hand filled with bags and kissed him on the cheek. The doctor took the bags and took it upon himself to place it on the kitchen counter.

 

As he was sorting out the groceries, he heard the mother and son argue and it brought a smile on his face. The previous broken disposition of the businessman temporarily forgotten seeing the life on the man’s face. He never let the worry go though for he knows that there is a constant mask that hides all those demons. He figured that Jaemin has yet to accept his demons, thus the piling up and exploding of pent up emotions.

 

After filling up the fridge, he stood up and smiled towards Mrs. Na. “Mrs. Na, would you like some noodles? It’s not much because your son doesn’t have anything edible in his house but I tried my best.” The woman smiled and was about to answer but she was cut short.

 

The front door opened revealing a beautiful woman clad in an alluring red dress which flows down her body beautifully. Her red stilettos were clanking on the floor, almost making Renjun wince but the latter held it in as he examined her bright and smiling face. Despite the beauty, Renjun felt uneasy at the newcomer’s presence. He still put on his professional façade and dimmed his smile a little.

 

The woman paid him no heed and proceeded fuss over Jaemin. “Oh dear Jaemin! I heard from Donghyuck that you were missing! I hurriedly called auntie and came here with her.” Her voice is actually very pleasant, there’s a tinge of worry but it’s not too high pitched, making it easy to the ears, the doctor noted. “Oh, I’m sorry if I worried you, especially you, mom. I just had too much drinks last night that I completely blackened out.” The man in question replied. ‘ _He’s lying. He was completely aware despite being shitfaced._ ’

 

Seeing the highly domestic and warm interaction in front of him, Renjun felt extremely weird. Gathering his things on the table behind Jaemin who was still wrapped around the woman’s caring arms, he smiled at Mrs. Na. “I think I should go already Mrs. Na.”

 

This puzzled the old woman and she tried to make him stay longer. “Already? But wait, you haven’t met Siyeon yet.” Taking this as his cue to pull his smug-and-successful trope, he gave the woman in red dress – whom he now identify as Siyeon – a sweet smile which would make Yangyang’s infamous smile dim in comparison. “Oh, how rude of me. I’m _Doctor_ Huang Renjun.” He doesn’t bother to mention his specializations despite the irrational urge to before turning his attention back to the elder woman. “I’m sorry Mrs. Na, I just got a text and I have an emergency patient.” “But it’s Sunday?” It was now Jaemin who pleaded. He fell for it once but not again.

 

He turned to the businessman and gave him a smug smile, “Then do you want to schedule accidents that they should only happen during weekdays because the hospital should be closed during weekends? Or deaths, because no Funeral Parlor is open.” At that, nobody can retort.

 

“I do agree on Dr. Huang here, it’s irrational to ask that of him Jae.” Siyeon piped in, slightly giggling. Renjun cannot understand but it irritated him every so slightly. He pushed the thought aside though and offered the woman a smile before bowing towards Mrs. Na. He head out in a flash and entered his car not five minutes later.

 

Sitting inside his car, he clasped his chest which started beating ferociously. For the first time in years, he also felt a burning sensation in his chest and stomach which made him nauseous. He forbids himself to think that it’s caused by the _totally normal_ behavior of the woman and that demented businessman. No. That’s horrendous.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is Chapter 5! Again, I'm sorry, I don't even think these titles make any sense. *Bows regretfully*
> 
> Apart from that, thank you very much for the 58 kudos! I don't know if this story's worth that much, but thank you for appreciating this despite all of my misgivings. Thank you for your comments as well! Please feel free to continue doing so, even keyboard smashes are highly welcomed, in fact, I encourage you to. Critiques and criticisms are highly accepted as well, your inputs as well as fleeting thoughts sometimes gives me ideas (even keyboard smashes, yes. *Bows in embarrassment*). 
> 
> As for Siyeon's entrance (It's Pristin's Siyeon! <3 I love her so much!), I was actually skeptical about that. I don't want to be cliché (although this whole story is cliché incarnate), but I don't think the two will develop further without external interference. I'm just giving you a heads up guys if you suddenly went 'huh,' and I'll be like 'uhm.' So yeah. Please do trust me that I'll be doing my very best to not 'mess' this up and give you a content which I hope will be to your satisfaction.
> 
> Also, to end this long ass note which y'all can skip, I don't think I can update this for next week. I'll be having two midterm examination next week and will be preparing for an exhibit as well as our upcoming College month long celebration. For next next week however, I am promising you two chapters in order to make up for the absence. 
> 
> I am also promising you adult drama. Anticipate for this soap opera. HAHAHAHA- kidding. Please look forward to me! Bye bye!
> 
> Edit: (February 2, 2019; 02:20 KST)  
> I've made an error in uploading, causing multiple update of the same chapter, so I've just erased the extra ones. I think it might have affected the comment left somewhere on the succeeding chapters, so I'm deeply sorry as I haven't read the comment yet. I do appreciate you taking your time though, and please do leave another one to let me know. Thank you very much for appreciating this and taking your time to comment even though I'm a dumbass who both made multiple identical chapters as well as deleted your comment along with those extra chapters. If it were about the extra chapters, thank you very much!
> 
> Once more, I apologize for my idiocy. Until then.


	6. Intimacy vs Isolation - (Dopamine - The reason why alcohol can be addictive) = Isolation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renjun is a teeny-tiny-bitty jealous but won't admit it. So he drank. And chaos was ensured.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first of the two updates for this week!

He’s utterly, extremely, and absolutely irritated and disoriented. Renjun shut his eyes as he felt another onset of headache hitting him. ‘ _This is an absolute disaster. I am a 29-year-old, grown ass man yet here I am acting like a stupid hormonal teenager. My predecessors will extremely be disappointed._ ’ He rubbed his temples, lips shut in annoyance. Despite the pounding in his head, he made no motion to get some painkillers beside his bed and just continued on lying on his back, trying not to care about his overdue laundry which he was supposed to take from the hangers two nights ago.

He has been on his back for hours and he doesn’t feel like stopping any time soon. Just as he was heading home he got a call from Donghyuck, notifying him about their upcoming alumni homecoming which his best friends decided to sign him up without consulting him first.

 _“You wouldn’t agree otherwise!” Donghyuck yelled from the other line. Renjun pulled over the car, knowing that he’s too angry to see things clear. Taking a deep breath, he tried to level his voice so as not to yell back towards his friend who’s acting very immaturely. “_ You know why I wouldn’t agree _, yet you still did it.” He replied impassively, controlling every bit of his being to prevent himself from doing something he will regret._

 _He knows that it has been years and understands that the circumstances back then can be viewed as absolutely petty and childish, however, it doesn’t mean that_ such _happenings did not scratch not only his self-esteem but his self-image as well for it sure did as hell; quite extremely. He has suffered with his mind for years and although he came out stronger and bigger, there are certain wounds that are not meant to be prodded. He knows that if he sees_ him _, he’ll certainly succumb to his inner demons._

 _“Please Jun, just this once. Please face_ it. _” Donghyuck lightly muttered from the other line. Renjun felt something in him snapped. Grabbing his hair harshly, he screamed. He screamed loudly, both in anguish and fury. He’s so good at being professional that he constantly forgets to process things and experiences emotionally, causing rare but extreme outbursts._

_“Fuck it Lee Donghyuck! I told you no! For years and years, I told you no! I don’t want to fucking face my demons! I don’t want to fucking return to that abyss! And I don’t need you to counsel me on what I should do! Stop being such an irksome meddler! You’re all ruining my life!” He screamed. Unbeknownst to him, tears have started to trek across his face, painting his outer shell even further in frustration._

_“That’s enough Renjun!” It was now Jeno’s turn to reprimand him. “You know that’s not true and that this is the best course of action. You have to face the abyss Renjun. For fuck’s sake, you’re turning thirty!” The pediatrician sounded exasperated. It infuriated the psychiatrist even further. Picking up the phone which was in speaker, he put it on his lips. “Well fuck you too Lee Jeno. I’m sorry if I couldn’t be as perfect and pristine as your life. I’m sorry if I’m such as thorn to your sides.” He finally let out the insecurities he’s been bottling being the best friend of holier-than-thou Lee Jeno for almost two decades._

He’s regretting it though. All the hurtful words he stabbed his best friends with is now wounding him as well. It’s even worse with each passing second as his mind clears and he understands where they’re coming from. The only thing preventing him from apologizing is his ego and anxiety. He’s extremely apologetic but unwilling to compromise.

And then he was taken back to the interaction he has witnessed earlier. He felt some tightening in his chest as he thought of how the woman’s polished fingers caress across that demented businessman’s arms in a comforting manner, how brightly that clown smiled upon the contact and how hollow he is feeling considering how he has started to get comfortable being around with that idiot. ‘ _You never learn Huang Renjun, do you?_ ’ He thought bitterly, staring at the ceiling, emotionless.

He knows when and where to admit his feelings despite seeming like an overly emotionally constipated adult man. He’s getting used to the presence of Na Jaemin to the point where he can say that he’s _getting familiar_ to an extent around the capitalist. He figures that it must be his innate inquisition spiking as he hasn’t had such a curious case in a while. At least aside from his patients. Not to mention that the bumbling idiot has seen him in his worst. Yeah, that must be why he must feel so conflicted. And irritable.

He has to admit that the woman was certainly attractive. Her voice was pleasant, she looked well brought up and well-mannered as well. ‘ _They really fit together._ ’ Renjun regrets getting up early in a Sunday. His thoughts are mugged, he hasn’t eaten any proper meal (that horrible noodles from earlier does not count as a proper meal), and worst of all, his hormones are all over the place. ‘ _This is probably why I have lashed out earlier._ ’

Considering for a few minutes, he decided that his best friends do have a point. Sometimes, in order to win a war, one must face the enemy head on. Finally pulling himself up off his bed, he took a big sigh and fished out his phone from his drawer. He decided to call Jeno.

He hated alcohol but he’s suddenly itching for some. ‘ _Ah, I think I have some stack around here._ ’

 

 

 

Biting on his nails, Donghyuck let out a sigh as he and Jeno continued to drive to the hospital. He’s regretting pushing their best friend’s limit when the slightly older has always indicated his unready-ness to face _things_ and solve _problems_ in order to appease himself. He figured that signing them all up for that forsaken alumni homecoming is the best course of action, but here they are, trying hard not to fly on the highway with how fast they are driving because Renjun got into an accident.

“Stop biting your nails. It will bleed again.” His fiancé gently reprimanded him without averting his eyes from the road one bit. “I’m sorry, I can’t help it.” He muttered but stopped nonetheless. Guilt is gnawing inside him, he knows that it is his fault that Renjun is in _danger_ right now and he can never forgive himself if anything happens to their friend. “Let’s stop this blame party, can we? Let us all be rational and talk this over later. So stop worrying love, Jun’s a tough nut, he’s one of the toughest, he’ll pull through. _I know he will._ ” Jeno sighed but attempted a reassuring smile. The younger man smiled back, not really assured but comforted.

They are on their way to the emergency room after Renjun had called Jeno, sounding quite slurred before crashing emerged until screams came from the other line. Donghyuck called the emergency hotline in a haste and minutes later, they’ve found out the slightly older man has fallen from his balcony. The knowledge sent the both of them frantic – even the calm and composed Lee Jeno – and they hastily ran out in a rush.

After haphazardly parking the car, the couple bolted out and ran to the information desk. “Where is the man who just came in? I think it was--” Jeno started but was cut off with the sight of their best friend arguing with a nurse and a resident not far from them. He and his fiancé looked at each other before breathing a sigh of relief.

Donghyuck was about to run towards the bleeding man but his fiancé beat him to it by taking large strides and engulfing the fussing male who went from shock to jolly and casually waving over Donghyuck with a shit-eating grin. The younger squinted his eyes before carefully walking towards the two.

Despite reaching the smaller male first, Jeno proceeded to talk to the resident to both apologize for what seemed like Renjun’s resistance to treatment as well as ask for the status of the idiot still smiling and even had the audacity to swing his feet from the bed while humming a nursery rhyme. ‘ _He’s still fucking drunk._ ’ The guidance counselor massaged his right temporal in agony. “What was I even worried about? You’re a nutcase, you won’t easily die even if you want to.” He shook his head in amusement. Well, there goes Huang Renjun’s pristine record.

“Hey Hyuckie! You look absolutely dazzling today! I love your shirt!” Donghyuck gaped at the absurdity Renjun is spouting. ‘ _He really is absolutely and immaculately shitfaced. This is gold._ ’ It is obvious the elder is far from rationality due to the ‘ _small talk_ ’ he is initiating. ‘ _Ah, it has been bloody ages since he was this sweet._ ’ Taking a seat beside the influenced male, Donghyuck took note of the casts on Renjun’s right fibula and right forearm. Gesturing towards the injury, with the knowledge that the other is far from sarcastic with his current state, he decided to inquire what happened. “How did this happened? Are you really that angry at the prospect of seeing _him_ again?”

The elder male looked at him innocently. ‘ _With him acting like this, I am surely doubting whether he’s nearly turning thirty in a few months. Is Mrs. Na really sure she wants this idiot for her son? Well, I can’t really deny that even while shitfaced, Jun can look good. And let’s try not to start talking about his intelligence._ ’ “Oh no! I was actually about to call Jen to apologize and tell you I’ll come. I’m sorry by the way.” Renjun lifted his uninjured arm and gave Donghyuck a one-armed hug before kissing his left cheek. ‘ _Absolutely drunk._ ’ He smiled and hugged back the elder, letting the latter’s head rest on his shoulder. “So why are you sporting broken bones?” Pointing at his casts as if they were something new, the elder made an ‘oh’ with his lips. “Oh this? I saw a feline on the tree across my balcony. I thought it looked like the lady clad in red I saw earlier so I was annoyed and tried to strangle it. I forgot for a moment I was living in the third floor. But it’s fine! See! Just a few fractures! It’s a good thing that old lady in the first floor just hung her bedsheets to dry, or else I would have broken my neck. Or fractured my skull. That’s horrifying.” He pouted and shivered. The younger rolled his eyes.

Jeno approached the two of them and proceeded to pinch the elder’s cheeks as hard as he could. “Aw! Let go Jeno! Aw! Hyuckie! Calm your man!” Renjun wailed and slapped Jeno’s hand until the latter let go of his cheeks. “That’s for giving us quite a scare. If I weren’t so afraid you’d attain some sort of concussion, I would have slapped your head. What were you thinking?!”

Renjun pouted, Donghyuck took this as his cue to secretly film. ‘ _For educational purposes. Yep._ ’ “I hate cats.” He muttered and looked up at his best friend. “There’s this large ginger cat sitting languidly on a branch on the tree in front of my balcony. It reminded me so much of that _red lady_ that I just had to jump over.” He hmp-ed childishly, almost making Donghyuck coo. Jeno raised his eyes and looked over to his fiancé who just urged him to entertain their influenced best friend. “And who’s that ‘ _red lady_ ’ you’re talking about that you’re so infuriated to jump out of your balcony?”

Upon the question, Renjun’s lips trembled and he hmp-ed adorably as he slouched, the swinging of his legs momentarily halting. “It was the pretty lady which came with Mrs. Na earlier while I was at the circus.” “What circus?” “Well, it is the house of a clown, isn’t it? And clowns live in circuses, don’t they? Plus the pretty clown and I played there! So it’s a circus!” The psychiatrist giggled, seemingly delighted to share his happiness with his friends. Jeno snorted but prevent himself from doubling over in laughter as he received a pointed look from his fiancé who is still busy taping everything, ‘ _For educational purposes_.’ “Alright, so why are you infuriated with that lady?” “Well she was very rude when she came in, barely even threw me a glance and did not even bother to introduce herself; what a very unprofessional move! Also, she was absolutely clinging towards _my_ clown! That’s very rude sir, I tell you!”

Everyone inside the E.R. is looking at them, perplexed. Donghyuck is all over the place, shrieking and screaming in giddiness whereas Jeno is on the floor, doubling over in laughter and triumph. Renjun, on the other hand, looks crestfallen and his lips started trembling. He started sobbing like a child. “W-why are you laughing? I-is it not serious? Oh no! You two are being very very rude! You are offending my fragile heart dear sirs!” He wailed. Jeno laughed even harder as his best friend started speaking in that ‘ _very proper_ _and outdated_ ’ manner which further heightened his childishness.

So it was not really surprising when the three of them got kicked out of the E.R.

 

 

 

He gasped in sheer horror. Blood drained from his face and he gaped at the atrocity in front of him. One minute his head was pounding due to hangover, the next his right limbs are aching and itching, and now he’s seeing a live _documentary_ and _receipts_ of the shits he has done while he was out. Renjun felt his cortisol levels soar way past his peak and he suddenly felt like a concussion would be a good idea to start the week.

“You look absolutely _adorable_ brother.” Yangyang snickered but hid away quickly as a flying shoe came towards his direction. The doctor barely batted an eyelash upon the pained wince from his brother who is still unfortunate to come in contact with the shoe despite his futile attempts. “Shut up dipshit. If I were you I’d come crawling back to that shitty restaurant of yours; maybe you could work on your cooking to make it at least _passable_.” He glared at the slightly younger male.

Yangyang took no offence and merely sat beside Dejun, looking all smug. It irked Renjun even more and the latter took his time to glare at his best friends who were having the time of their life on his kitchen counter, munching on his precious almonds while having this cute little discussion with Guanheng.

He cannot believe he had the misfortune to be a _drunken idiot_ and have the smartest friends to actually take footage. In his defense, how can he know anyway when he has strayed away from alcohol throughout his whole life? He felt puking with embarrassment as the footage played for the nth time that day; everyone’s having the time of their life watching him in misery. He can’t even strangle all of them due to his injury. So he’s stuck on the couch with Dejun and Yangyang beside him being their usual pesky self. And Chen Le being the usual little shit he is.

Maybe he can try to sway Guanheng. The elder has always been kind anyways. “Guanheng~” He called ever so sweetly that everyone in the room whipped their head towards him quite comically. “Can you please stop that horrid footage which has been on loop for hours now?” He blinked twice. There was a series of “What the fuck?” from Dejun, Yangyang, and Chen Le but he paid them no heed. Guanheng raised an eyebrow at him, “And why should I dear little Jun?” “I’ll buy you that luxury leather shoes Dejun refuses to buy.”

Guanheng smiled at the proposition and moved to stop the bloody footage. It earned protests but Renjun is satisfied. At least one of his worries are now out of the way. He’ll just pretend none of those ever happened and he did not just blurt out an absurdity regarding some businessman he wishes not to think of.

“Oh shit, wrong send! Wrong send! Uhm, Renjun? I think I might have sent that video accidentally to Jaemin.”

Renjun threw his arm cast at Chen Le.


	7. Intimacy vs Isolation = Intimacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's just pure trauma and stress for Renjun but he doesn't really hate the idea of that pink teddy bear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second part of a two-update sequence this week!

_He refuses to look down. No, that’s admitting defeat. So he raised his head as high as he could, chin high up in the air, back arched as straight as it could be as he feigned confidence and nonchalance. They might have successfully pushed him to the ground but they don’t know that, and he’s not willing to show them that their plan had worked. He’s not willing to admit, that yes,_ Huang Renjun did fell _. He fell hard and deep that now when all that façade has crumbled, he kept on drowning._

_The whispers never stopped. It continued on and on. It was amplified even. He does not know if he can still continue to muster up courage to get on with his day, heck, he doesn’t even know where to muster that courage from when all his limbs were screaming and aching to just fall down and give up. But he proceeded on walking, he continued further, each step getting heavier but his pace never faltered._

_“Shit, that’s him? Poor soul; he’s such a nice guy.” “Well, he did piss_ them _off.” “Still.” “Well, he seemed alright.” “Sometimes being smart isn’t all that.”_

_No. Being smart isn’t all there is. But he’s not just smart. As he approached the guy who caused his great demise, he smirked. Well, he knows that other is not that smart to actually be the conductor of such a great act, but still. Tapping the currently oblivious male who is preoccupied with his locker, he smiled sweetly when the male in question finally turned._

_Whispers became even more frantic, some was even taping the event. Anxiety surged through his veins but he repressed it. ‘_ Not now. _’ Nervousness is all he can think about but he must swallow everything in. At least to preserve his pride and dignity. At least to lessen himself of the title ‘The Great Fool.’_

_“O-oh. Renjun.” The other was surprised, yes, but amusement can be clearly seen in his eyes. Renjun felt nauseated seeing the unapologetic disposition of the fucker in front of him. Anger clouded his mind so much that he hadn’t anticipated his left arm throwing a punch._

_This sent the whole corridor in chaos. He proceeded on raining the stunned male with punches. Two turned to four, to six, until he can no longer keep track of how much he has given. All he can think about is his stomped and tattered heart, no longer able to beat. He suddenly felt someone pull him up. “Renjun! Stop it!” It was Jeno._

_He was suddenly snapped out of his frenzy. He finally saw the damage he inflicted upon the guy. His victim’s face was bloodied; bruised eyes, popped lips, and a huge swelling on his cheeks. His ‘victim,’ what an irony. His breathing turned ragged, he damaged the other but he still felt as if it’s not enough, that he didn’t really win. He never felt more like a loser._

_“Isn’t this pathetic Huang Renjun? First you decided to steal my man and now you’re beating the daylights out of him? Are you this low?” A female voice cut in through the crowd._

 

Renjun gasped as he tried to regain his breath. His head is pounding in addition to his still painful fibula and antebrachial. He kept on gasping as he tried to make sense of his surroundings. ‘ _There’s something soft under me – yes, that’s my bed; I’m in my bed. It’s night time, I just injured myself._ ’ Lifting his uninjured upper limb, he opened his lampshade.

It shows 03:00 in his clock and he never felt more exasperated. He wishes to go back to sleep but he doubted that he’ll be successful in doing so. Biting his lips, he tried to will the tears which are starting to pool in his eyes. He’s twenty-nine for crying out loud and such event from his teenage years shouldn’t be affecting him like this. He should have processed this ages ago.

“Okay, calm down Huang. Think hard. Think why your memories have been pounding on your head.” He took large deep breaths in order to calm down his erratic heartbeat as well as his erratic thought process. He shut his eyes tightly, trying to regain control over his whole being which is running amok currently. It’s hard not to panic when all he desire is to have control over his self but he tried hard. He doesn’t want to let his distorted perception get ahold of him once more.

He tries to walk down his memory lane, recalling and gathering information and possible triggers. There hasn’t really been anything, apart from Donghyuck’s unintentional bomb. Well that and Na Jaemin. Widening his eyes at the realization, he bolted up from his lying position. ‘ _Na Jaemin happened._ ’

Huang Renjun doesn’t know if he wants to face his fears which has taken new manifestations in the form of Na Jaemin.

 

 

 

Renjun doesn’t understand the ludicrousness of this all. He’s been sitting for barely ten minutes since the program started but here he is, looking even more pissed than he usually is and the itching on his skin due to his two casts is irking him even more. He suddenly regrets with his whole being agreeing to even come to this hellish alumni homecoming; heck, he’s regretting it even crossed his mind in the first place. The only consolidation he takes comfort in is that the couple in front of him had the decency to actually look quite guilty.

He’s unamused with how long the whole program is taking not to mention the disorganized system on the distribution of the food. Apart from the system, he’s wholly disappointed that he can’t even look like his usual charming self because of the casts Jeno won’t even let him remove even for a few hours. He understands that it’s critical he wears them but there really are just times when he wants to value aesthetic over health. But one of his best friends is a doctor as well, and he can’t really argue with the two.

As he was about to drink from his cup – which is devoid of any alcohol with the recent disaster he just made – he was met face to face with a face he never thought could make his adrenaline rush. Thank goodness for his casts or he would have thrown a punch or two. “Hey there. It’s been years, hasn’t it? _You’ve grown beautifully_.” Renjun almost puked at the attempt in flirting but composed himself. ‘ _You’re not pushing me off the edge. Not this time, Romeo._ ’ He smiled his professionally thousand-watt smile he recently learned from that demented Capitalist. “Yeah, I did. Thanks for stating the obvious.”

His response seemed to caught the other man off-guard but quickly masked it off with an amused laugh. ‘ _Not quickly enough._ ’ The other’s response is irking him but he doesn’t really want to create a scene right then and there. He also doesn’t really have the limbs for a physical fight should the need arise as well. “Are you really that unhappy to see me, _Renjun?_ ” There it is, that lethal weapon of saying his name oh-so-longingly. It cracked on Renjun’s mask. Glaring at the man in front of him, he propped his chin on his non-injured hand. “Hm-mm, don’t be like that _Chanhee_. Please don’t think so highly of yourself that I’d actually spend more than a decade pondering over what happened.” He pouted and smiled sweetly.

“Aww, why are you being so hostile? Have you already forgotten _everything_ we’ve been through?” The man further prodded, possibly trying to rile him up or just being a jerk. Renjun thinks that it’s both but he doesn’t want to give the asshole the pleasure of seeing him _so affected_. “Oh, I’m not. There shouldn’t be any reason for me to act so hostile towards you, _do I_?” He refuted. This only seemed to further the newcomer’s amusement as it was the latter’s turn to prop his chin on his left hand. “There shouldn’t be then. We had such quite a time, _didn’t_ we?”

His heart is beating erratically and he can feel his palm sweating hard as the man in front of him refuse to budge and just carried on casually drinking from his own beer. Anger is surging inside him at the speed of light and he doesn’t know whether he can still continue on acting civilly towards the man in front of him. Something inside him ticked. He almost saw red and almost went berserk when a huge mop of pink filled his periphery. He looked down at the _hideous_ bear sitting in front of him. “Hey there. Mr. Sparkles says hi by the way.” It was Jaemin.

The doctor gaped as the man casually took a seat beside him. Looking over his shoulder to inquire his friends, he found nothing so he turned back to the businessman who has his own water. “W-what?” Was the only thing he could come up with. His brain is still fuzzy from anger and he’s certain that he’s already drained down to five percent by just seeing his nightmare in the flesh. Na Jaemin just smiled at him and patted the bear’s head. “Have you forgotten? We were batch mates. How else would I be able to enter the event?” The businessman flashed his very own alumnus card.

Renjun squinted his eyes and rolled it. “I highly doubt it. If we were actually batch mates, I would have recognized you.” Chanhee interjected, reminding the doctor of his presence which was momentarily forgotten due to the absurdity Na Jaemin brought with him. Said absurdity raised his eyebrow at the man in front of him. “Kim Chanhee, Class 1, one of the bottom fifty. Your girlfriend during our senior year was Kwon Eunbin. It’s understandable that you’ve forgotten me, I was here for barely two months. Just enough to be considered as an alumnus but not enough to be remembered.”

Despite the explanation, Renjun is still skeptical. His memory might betray him with the most mediocre of things but not people he has encountered. He knows he hasn’t encountered Jaemin prior to their blind date. The latter must have sensed his cynicism as he leaned onto his ear and whispered as short, “ _Trust me_.” He doesn’t want to but he’d rather jump on this capitalist’s charade instead of the alternative which is engaging in a conversation with Kim Chanhee. At least his cortisol level is the one rising instead of his adrenaline.

“That’s odd.” Kim Chanhee shook his head, seemingly skeptic but doesn’t have enough brain power to break through the charade. The doctor leaned back and patted the bear given to him. ‘ _This is quite relaxing. The bear’s fabric is so soft. I should hoard stuffed toys for my de-stress area._ ’ He suddenly appreciated the gesture despite his absolute abhorrence of the color.

“Well that’s done and enough. It doesn’t really matter whether you remember me, now does it?” Jaemin finally stood up and tapped Renjun’s shoulder, both beckoning him and assisting him to stand up. “Now if you may, I’d like to steal Doctor Huang from you guys. We still have a doctor’s appointment to make.” He smiled. Jeno and Donghyuck seemed to be back from wherever their escapade was. They were smiling from ear to ear. Renjun got a whiff of their bullshit but did not bother to comment on it and just leaned some of his weight on the businessman.

The doctor is speechless. He understands that Na Jaemin must be feeling indebted to his _charity_ work earlier that week, but this is beyond repayment from that measly aid he had given. He was basically saved from the lion’s den. He looked at the side profile of the businessman who’s too preoccupied supporting his weight. ‘ _He does look ungodly. He’s too much of a gentleman as well._ ’ Unbeknownst to him, a smile has slowly crept up on his lips.

The scene did not went totally unnoticed though as all of a sudden, the two were the centre of attention. Cameras and recorders were raised by the higher and lower batches, totally swooned over by the fairytale like moment. The psychiatrist went hyperaware all of a sudden. So the rational thing which he did is push away the businessman, causing the two of them falling onto the ground. So maybe not really as much of a rational decision as he had hoped it would be.

 

 

 

“I swear on Yukhei’s cereals, you might be a great doctor but you are a hard patient to deal with. What the fuck Huang?! Barely a week passed and you’ve managed to sprain your ankle this time?!” Mark exclaimed as he massaged his temples, obviously stressed with the newly acquired injury of one of his employees. The culprit barely twitched an eyebrow and continued on munching almond as he checks the statistics which he just received from the clinical trials he finally agreed on participating on. “That’s just a measly price you have to pay in contrast to Jeno’s and my participation to your experiments.” He waved his hand dismissively.

The orthopedic sighed and just settled on sitting beside his friend. Ah, the joys of being great at your profession, you have almost everyone bend to almost all of your whims. “Alright, alright. Just please, pretty please, don’t exert your body any longer. I’ll file your leave instead, so you can work at home in the meantime. All of the data will be forwarded through our cloud as well.” Renjun just hummed.

“How on earth did you even injured yourself again?” Mark questioned. The man in question doesn’t really wish to answer but Jeno, who just came in, gladly did it in his stead. “Oh, you didn’t know? He and Na Jaemin are practically trending due to the shit they just pulled during our alumni homecoming. Our batch are even becoming legendary.” The psychiatrist glared at his best friend and threw the cushion beside him towards the pediatrician who merely laughed and dodged the attack.

The orthopedic hummed thoughtfully before blurting, “Oh? Mr. Na? From the Neo Industries?” Jeno smiled gleefully as he nodded and it occurred to Renjun just how much annoying his best friend is. He wants to rip that smile off of the former’s face. If only he has his four limbs intact right now. “That’s surprising. It must be why he looked so _enamored_ by you when he went to your talk last time.” The psychiatrist raised his eyebrow. ‘ _Do I even want to know the implications of that?_ ’ He chose not to. “I want to take that leave, Mark.” He tried averting the topic. However, Mark Lee has always been known to have incredible concentration and attention, so of course, it did not work. “You’ve snag yourself quite a man then. I don’t know him well but based on Yukhei’s tales, he’s quite competent and successful in his own right. Not to mention incredibly good-looking.”

“Hmm, he sure is.” Renjun agreed without much thought. He’s prickly and snarky but he’s not really one to deny facts. Now that he thought back, a thought hit him. “Hey, Jeno, why is that demented clown even there in the first place? Despite his bullshit, I know for a fact that he has never been part of our batch.” Jeno blinked at him thrice, trying to decipher what he’s implying. After a second or two, the latter clapped his hands. “Oh, that? It was my idea. Donghyuck just executed it by fabricating an alumnus card for him.”

Mark seemed scandalized at the notion of executing even a small scale fraud. “Oh please don’t be so aghast. It was not meant to harm anyone. He kept on bugging us for constant updates regarding that idiot,” Jeno tipped his head towards Renjun’s scandalized expression, “because said idiot blocked his number. It was amusing at first until it became borderline frustrating. So we invited him to the event.”

“You’re being unbelievable Lee Jeno.” Was all the psychiatrist could come up with. The pediatrician just shrugged and crossed his arms. “Well, whatever happened with Na Jaemin and that ‘ _red clad lady_ ’ which you absolutely detest should be resolved. You need to sort out your thoughts, my dear friend. A man can only understand so much before the sense of injustice dawn on him. Please be logical rather than rational.”

Jaemin is a disequilibrium he’s not willing to accommodate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So first and foremost, if you might have missed the last update, it was the previous chapter. 
> 
> Now, I want to thank each and every single one of you who bothered checking thiiis *high emphasis on 'this',* you don't know how much strength you've been giving me. This is highly lacking and I don't even know what is happening majority of the time, yet you've given this a chance. (In my defense, I do actually know what's happening most of the time, I just wish not to acknowledge it for sanity's sake. Kidding.) 
> 
> Anyways, thank you so much for 81 kudos! *gasps* Thanks for appreciating the effort! 
> 
> Also, this two chapters is marking the near-end of the first arc of this story. I know it's quite fast but I'm not really well-versed in creating looooong chapters (another lacking of mine which I want to improve as this goes on). However, the good news is, there will be more interactions and less sass (which is mainly Renjun to be honest). We're finally having character development! Yay!
> 
> Lastly, it's not really a requirement, but I'd really appreciate it if you just drop by in the comments. It doesn't have to be coherent, trust me, keyboard smashes are HIGHLY, highly, valued in this section of the web. Criticisms are veeeeery welcomed as well, in fact, I urged you to if you find something because through those, I can improve both my content and writing. I won't take offense, I promise. 
> 
> So that's it fellas! See you next week!
> 
> (And to think that I have examinations coming. Hahahahahahahahaha. Must be why I'm failing. *Cries in Renjun*)


	8. Generativity vs Stagnation - Caring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, maybe, Renjun isn't as apathetic as he thinks.
> 
> Or he's probably just caring a little too much towards the demented capitalist his mother has joyfully dropped on his life.

So that brings him to his current disposition. He’s got two healing fractures, a pot of cooling Chamomile, a huge data to run through, and an idiotic capitalist skipping towards him in glee. He cannot even begin to fathom as to why the idiot _seems_ so overjoyed at the prospect of them spending time together. It’s just an absolute cliché and the doctor has never been fan of clichés. Well, he sometimes enjoys them but he absolutely detests them when it happens to him.

After Na Jaemin sat down, Renjun put away the clear book and propped hi face on his uninjured arm as he appeared to scrutinize the man in front of him who was happily savoring his strawberry shortcake. Slightly scrunching his eyebrows in inquisition, he blows his bangs out of his eyes. “Tell me, are you really that _over the moon_ regarding this idiotic notion?” The man in question seemed surprised by the question but Renjun did not miss how his grin dimmed into one of fondness. ‘ _That’s absolutely horrendous_.’

After a few beats, Jaemin looked straight at him, a slight smile ghosting over his lips as his eyes looks absolutely _soft_. Renjun felt his insides churn in a sensation he cannot place a name on. “Of course. Why wouldn’t I when it was you who initiated this meeting? Aside from that, you should know by now that I don’t really have much friends to spend my time with. So, _it really means a lot to me_.” The doctor absolutely detests the pure honesty as well as the sincerity dripping from the businessman’s voice.

He cleared his voice in embarrassment. ‘ _So much for being nonchalant._ ’ The doctor leaned back and tried averting himself from the crisis he just landed himself into. “So, why here though? I do appreciate the well-coordinated interior, the cozy theme as well as the menu – these teas are heavenly by the way – so why here?” ‘ _Wooh, that was smooth Huang; very damn smooth if I may add._ ’ In his defense, he’s _actually_ curious to the choice of itinerary because he never really considered the other man to be this _light_ despite the air around him. ‘ _On the contrary though, I never really had any expectations from him in the first place. Plain, petty prejudice, yes, but not behavioral expectations._ ’

Taking a sip of his horrendous beverage, Jaemin looked around briefly before returning his gaze back on his companion. “Oh this? This is Siyeon’s café. I love going here since it opened five years ago and I wanted to bring you here.” Renjun doesn’t know why but the moment the woman’s name was uttered, his reticular formation and prefrontal cortex decided to focus its selective attention and comprehension the moment it received the stimulus. ‘ _Ah. Of course. The gorgeous woman clad in red. Why am I not even surprised?_ ’ He took a bite of his red velvet cake and did not respond any longer as he encouraged the man in front of him to continue on his anecdotes with occasional smiles, hums, and dips of his head when he deemed it appropriate to do so.

The woman seemed absolutely perfect and the heavenly café just seemed to add more to that effect. Although he could have been a bad counselor had he pursued counseling instead of medicine, the doctor is aware that the woman must have her fair shares of struggles as well but that doesn’t remove the bitter taste in his mouth which is absolutely not from the tea he is drinking. Unconsciously, he’s starting to put the woman in some sort of pedestal. ‘ _Ah, I should return to my psychologist again, I’m starting to regress once more and not in a good way._ ’

Noticing that the man in front of him has stopped talking, Renjun snapped back to his senses and saw that they were joined by a third entity. ‘ _Speak of the devil and she shall arrive._ ’ He smiled his professional but timid smile. “Ah, Doctor Huang, we meet again.” Siyeon smiled as she offered him a handshake. His underdog wishes to glare and refuse to take the hand because first, ‘ _She’s faking her smile for some reason_ ,’ and ‘ _You don’t really like how she has managed to latch onto that demented clown within 0.5 seconds_.’ His topdog, on the other hand slaps him hard, saying ‘ _Listen to that idiot and you’ll become one as well. Aside from that, you’re being ridiculous, why would she fake her smile? And even if she is, it’s none of our business, is it?_ ’ So he followed his topdog, albeit begrudgingly, and smiled back.

Deciding that he’s not willing to enter conversations in which he has no control of, he decided to shower the gorgeous lady in front of him – and beside Jaemin – praises without being obnoxious and trying. “I love what you did to this café. I love your cakes as well.” He started curtly and politely. ‘ _I feel weird but I’m still trained to deal with people. My professors should be proud that they managed to raise a civil professional from a barbaric little shit that I was._ ’ The comment seemed to please the owner greatly. Charmingly flipping her hair back, she chuckled. “Well, I got the idea while I was camping one time and decided to incorporate nature to a modernistic café. Although the over-all coordination was aided by _Jaeminnie_ here as well.”

And there it goes, that bitter taste in his mouth, again. Taking a sip from his tea, he smiled. “That’s absolutely lovely then. It must be why this place seems so _important_ to _Mr. Na_ here.” He unconsciously slinked back inside his tower surrounded by thick and high walls; so much for trying to get out of his cocoon. This subtle shift in regards did not remain unnoticed as the man mentioned frowned at this. The woman remained oblivious though and continued on her little anecdotes with genuine mirth. Renjun was only half-listening with the other half of his attention directed at how awful he looked with all the casts.

To an outsider, the trio looked lovely and boisterous, but upon closer inspection, the discomfort is slowly seeping out of the doctor’s eyes even with his effort to look otherwise. Catching himself, Renjun chuckled lightly. ‘ _You’re acting so out of character Huang. You’re actually trying to be nice._ ’ This caught the attention of the two in front of him. ‘ _Oops._ ’ It seemed as if the direction of the topic hadn’t been as lighthearted as it was a few minutes ago.

Thankfully, the café’s owner was diverted as she got called by her employee. Bidding the two a kind goodbye, she set off and left in a dash. This led to the drop of the light from the doctor’s face. Taking a big gulp from his tea, he decided to cut the day’s crap and be done with. His introverted little self has had enough pretention throughout the day. His companion doesn’t think so though.

Unbeknownst to the doctor, the businessman has been aware of the little shifts his air has undergone. From the sudden twitch in his face to the frown which has settled on him after Siyeon has left. He also noticed how much Renjun has exerted just to pretend to be civil. “You’re not alright.” He finally remarked, his lips pursed. Renjun looked up upon the remark and tried to mask how down he is. He absolutely failed though. “Oh no, I’m absolutely alright. So where are we going next?” He averted.

Jaemin figured that Renjun won’t tell him anything more especially if he prodded on him; the other man will only further close himself up and pull another outrage which will really send him on Lee Donghyuck and Lee Jeno’s hit list.

_Biting his lips in anxiety, he paced back and forth as he waited for Donghyuck to take his call. Renjun has been out of coverage since the day he left his flat and he had heard from Chen Le that Jeno and Donghyuck had rushed to the hospital because of the psychiatrist (He has been in constant contact with the younger after that dinner because the younger man is just so cheery and kind-natured despite being constantly loud). He must have been blocked from the other man’s contacts and that gave him great despair._

_He thought that even if the other must not have viewed him romantically, at least he must have viewed him as a friend. Well, he thought so. “Hello? Jaemin?” It was Donghyuck. Jolting, he straightened his back. “Donghyuck, hi. How’s Renjun?” He inquired, without any precursor and just straight to the point. This brought a sigh from the other line. He grew even more worried as he plopped his ass on his sofa._

_“He is asleep right now. We just got back from the hospital and he has attained two fractures. What the fuck happened Jaemin? He came back from your place and hours later, he’s drunk and managed to injure himself. He has jumped from the third floor for crying out loud!” The other sounded so exasperated and the businessman felt guilty. He felt responsible for what happened. “You know what? Don’t mind that first statement. None of this was your fault. This is all Renjun’s. That idiot is a nutjob. Don’t worry, his bones will heal within a few months and he’s receiving the best treatment around so you can calm your nerves.” His former classmate tried to appease him. It did little to do that though._

_Taking in a deep breath, he massaged the side of his temples with his hand which is not holding the phone. “Alright. Thank heavens. Can I at least ask you to update me if there are any changes or improvements?” He hoped that the other would agree. At least to lessen his anxiety even for just a little bit. “Huh? Why don’t you call him? I’m sure that would better ease your worries.” He sighed, if only he has that option. “Well, it seems as if I had been blocked from his phone.”_

_Chuckling was heard from the other line but quickly turned into a frustrated sigh. “That stubborn idiot. Alright, I’ll update you. Also, since we’re on the topic, do you want to come to Jeno’s alumni homecoming?” This made Jaemin scrunch his eyebrows in confusion. This was totally out of the blue. “I know it’s weird since we’re not really from their school but we need someone to look over Jun because Jeno’s kind of in charge? And there’ll be an asshole lurking there, so yeah.” Donghyuck followed up._

_The offer is tempting. He’s never really had anyone to direct such concerns upon apart from his mother and the psychiatrist is lighting switches inside him which he has repressed for so long. The concern and kindness he received is enough to spark an even greater flame than attraction. It doesn’t help his case that the doctor is such an interesting person; he’s got his pieces to pick up but he wants to witness the other man pick up his own pieces as well._

_Before he could reply, his former classmate fueled his decision even more. “I know you’re a great person Jaemin. We might not be that close but I feel like I can trust you with my crazy best friend. Whatever shit you two come up with, I’m willing to support even if it could be something as outrageous as skinny dipping in negative zero. Just don’t be another one of his long line of heartbreaks. Please.”_

_And Jaemin agreed. On both._

Smiling and masking his concern, the businessman placed down his fork and leaned back on the chair. “At first I planned that we should go to the Amusement Park- ” he started but was rudely cut off with the doctor’s sass. “Really, Na? The Amusement Park? With these casts? You’re amusing me.” The businessman pouted at that but continued nonetheless. “ _At first_ ,” he emphasized, “but I thought of a greater idea where the two of us won’t move much and which you’ll enjoy-” he was cut of rudely again but this time, the interruption brought a smile on his face and warm, fluffy, furry feeling in his chest. “Nope, _we’ll_ enjoy Jaemin. Something which _we’ll_ enjoy.”

Bobbing his head joyfully, the businessman widened his grin as he continued on his proposal. “So, I decided that we should go watch a movie!” He enthusiastically announced. Renjun almost rolled his eyes at the childishness and _ingenuity_ of the idea but decided against it and just offered an amused smile as he nodded his head. “Sure, let’s do that.”

After getting help from the businessman to get out of his seat (“I can totally manage myself.” “Injun, you can barely lift yourself up.”), the two return to the latter’s car to head to the theater. The doctor never really thought that being with the businessman has been particularly comfortable but he’s satisfied with how he’s not that worried to open a conversation per se. In his defense, he stopped really caring after he escaped the clutches and possibility of going into counseling. Also, Na Jaemin is more than ecstatic to fill in the silence when he deemed it fit.

Despite the loudness, Renjun noticed how the other barely mentioned anything about himself. It’s mostly composed of the dogs he has encountered, the kind grandma across his flat who’s currently living alone because her granddaughter has gone on vacation, and a million other unnecessary information about his colleagues and subordinates. ‘ _He really is inept at hiding his self._ ’ He’s absolutely aware that he has no business asking about such observations which may rub the other party in a personally sensitive area but he can no longer contain his curiosity. ‘ _My mind is itching for answers for months now._ ’

Taking a deep breath, Renjun decided to dropped some sort of a bomb. “Uhm, Jaemin, if you don’t mind me asking, which you probably will and take offense in but I’m just very curious and I can no longer contain this itch and it’s torturous and concerning how-” he started to ramble and babble due to his anxiety of it being too prodding. Chuckling, the man in question patted his shoulder and gently rubbed it before returning it to the wheel. “Relax Injun, I won’t take offense even if your question will be highly offending. I doubt it’ll be like that though considering how worried you are. So just go shoot.”

Biting his lips, he nodded. “Why are you lonely?” was the best he could formulate. He felt like crying considering how long he has studied only for him to come up with such an unintelligent question. He considered going to that talk workshop Jeno had gone back in the days.

The businessman, fortunately, did not seem offended and merely continued on looking ahead. “It’s not really something tragic, to be actually honest.” He started. The doctor focused his attention on the side profile of his companion. ‘ _It actually sounding so repetitive now even in my own mind, but this demented clown’s a looker even when his face is nearly torn apart with how wide he smiles most of the time._ ’ His eyes trailed down the curves of the other man’s face before knowing it. “It’s just…” he was taken out of his reverie when Jaemin spoke once more. “I feel like there’s this constant longing and void I can’t seem to suffice? After father left me and mom and then getting outcasted because of it, I find it really hard to create deep connections with others.”

The doctor pursed his lips and hummed, signaling the other to continue. “What’s ironic is that we, humans, are social animals. There’s always this itch in my skin and longing to connect but I just can’t. It’s hard because I want to trust someone but my mind always tells me that everyone will just betray me.” ‘ _I’m suddenly feeling the urge to go into counseling._ ’ “And you’ve told this to someone, right?” Renjun gently inquired to which he received a gentle shaking of the head from the other. “Not really. I never really felt the need to. It sometimes becomes too much to bear but I can handle it.”

Trying his best to reach Jaemin’s shoulder – which failed absolutely so he just settled on reaching for the other man’s knee, “You’ve been brave but if ever you need an ear, I may not be the best choice but I am offering some of my time.”

Renjun swears his heart skipped about two beats upon Jaemin’s smile. ‘ _I just offered myself for slaughter, didn’t I?_ ’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there people! So here's Chapter 8! I would love to express my heartfelt gratitude to all of you who has dropped by and gave this story a chance! Thank you very much for the 97 kudos! 
> 
> So, I know it hasn't been long since I took that one week skip but I would like to make an announcement.
> 
> I have to take a full-blown hiatus now. I know, I know, it's such irresponsible of me but I feel like I'm not doing any of you justice. Apart from our incoming finals and departamentals, I noticed that I have been lacking in my updates recently. The last three updates has been lackluster and I felt like they were merely 'fillers' despite my conscious effort to avoid any filler chapter. 
> 
> So I have decided to take a breather and return in April. By then, the semester would have ended and I can be fully committed to writing once again. 
> 
> So for now, your asexual, emotionally constipated psychiatrist as well as demented capitalist will be signing off.
> 
> I hope to see you again in April with fresh new ideas as we try to travel the first arc of the story!


	9. I'm seriously not getting married - Traumas and Repressed Wounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's progress.
> 
>  
> 
> There are also mishaps.

Huang Renjun was appalled. No, even that is an understatement. His mind went blank as he saw the empty theater and a grinning Jaemin who’s beckoning him in the middle. It’s not the empty theater which made him flabbergasted, it is the fact that Jaemin took to great lengths just to rent the whole place, thus wasting money. He scrunched his face. “Y-you-” the doctor started but was unable to finish his sentence.

The businessman’s grin widened as he crossed his arms in front of his chest and puffed said chest. “Impressive, right? Don’t worry, there’s more-” he got cut off as a cast came flying down his way, narrowly missing his head by a centimeter. “You idiot. This is such a waste of money! We could have just watched a movie _like how normal people would!_ ” The doctor heaved as his face turned red in his outburst.  He was about to throw another cast but stopped halfway seeing the crestfallen disposition of the man in front of him.

Jaemin pouted as he looked down, obviously remorseful for his _nonexistent_ mistake. Renjun just sighed and proceed on limping towards the man. “Never mind. I appreciate the thought. The only aspect I don’t appreciate is you spending a hefty sum just for _a_ date. Come on, give me my cast back.”

This seemed to lift the other’s spirits within a millisecond.  The doctor almost felt a shiver run down his spine seeing the quick shifts in the other man’s mood. He can’t hide this slight of satisfaction whenever he makes the businessman smile even for the dumbest of reasons. ‘ _You’re being out of character Huang. Why should you care if he acts like his usually bubbly and idiotic self?_ ’ He tried to suppress his smile which was threatening to explode.

Since Jaemin seemed to be extremely pleased with himself, Renjun did not bother to raise his hopes up regarding the movie choice. ‘ _As long as it pleases him._ ’ As he leaned back against the couch, the opening credits showed.

And it was a great mistake to undermine the other man’s taste. By the end of the movie, the doctor’s eyes were swollen as much as the tip of his nose is red. He silently accepted the nth tissue which the businessman handed him as D.O’s voice rang through the theater. “Shall we head out?” Renjun is grateful that the other did not prod onto his tears so he silently nodded but not without pairing it with a soft smile.

They ate dinner at a modest restaurant not far from the theater and chatted for a bit. “That movie came out ages ago, how did you think of playing it?” Renjun tilted his head as he took a bite of his steak. The businessman looked absolutely satisfied of his charade and huff his chest in pride but bit back a choke when the doctor sharpened his gaze at him. With a lowered voice, he answered. “Well, Jeno mentioned something about you being an activist, so I… yeah.”

Renjun chuckled at that. “No, I’m not an activist. Although I have strong principles that could lead me to be one, I never entered any activist group. Also, if I were one, I wouldn’t cry while watching that movie.” Jaemin merely nodded his head in understanding and is obviously grinning like an idiot despite his lowered face.

 

Slightly red, the doctor hung his head as he scratched his head in embarrassment. Despite his unwillingness to admit it, Na Jaemin was an impeccable companion. It suddenly planted a seed of wonder inside him how the man barely has any friends. ‘ _It’s such a waste._ ’

Watching as the man placed his things gently on his center table, he plucked the courage to _actually_ admit things he never thought he would ever admit. “Uhm. Na.” He called quite rudely. ‘ _You really are an idiot Huang._ ’ He chastised himself mentally. Thankfully, the man paid no heed and merely raised his eyebrows in question. “Thank you for today. I had a good time.” The psychiatrist’s voice was meek, barely heard but he can see that the message did not escaped the businessman’s ears as the latter’s face morphed, once again, into that of a demented clown’s. Renjun felt his cheeks heat up.

Jaemin just smiled and ruffled his hair.

 

 

 

Stretching his limbs, Renjun refused to grin like an idiot upon seeing his phone light up. As per usual, he ignored the call and moved to fix and gather the things he will be needing to take back home. The ringing stopped as he took his coat on the rack behind his seat and turned off the light on his desk. Taking his phone, the ringing started once more which made the psychiatrist roll his eyes in amusement.

His secretary, Irene, shook her head as the ringing persisted. “You just couldn’t answer his calls like a normal human being, could you?” She remarked as she fixed the records and her table in preparation of going home. Tousling his hair, Renjun smirked and tipped his head in greeting. “Now where’s the fun in that?” This earned an eye roll from the beautiful woman as she shooed him. “Go, at least give the poor guy a break by getting out earlier.” He smiled and took his leave.

As he got out of the building, he saw the familiar silver Cadillac parked in front of the building, totally _not_ following the ‘No Parking’ sign approximately 10 steps ahead. Jogging towards the man who even had the audacity to pose in front, the psychiatrist smacked the Chief Sales Director’s head as soon as he reached the man. “Aww, what the hell Injunnie?” Na Jaemin pouted. Renjun swear he felt his heart beat irregularly.

Clearing his throat, he rolled his eyes and proceeded on getting on the passenger seat. As soon as they were seated and, on their way, the psychiatrist fell silent, indicating the beginning of the businessman’s chatter. “The project is going well, isn’t it? I heard from Yeri earlier that the drugs have been yielding favorable results.” The doctor hummed in response as he looked out the window, watching everything they pass through. “It does. I’m actually quite surprised since this has only been the first trial. I wish it will persist until we start conducting clinical trials on humans.” “I’m sure it will. If it doesn’t, let’s just try again.” Renjun smiled at the ‘we’ and did not bother to hide it though he did not show it to the other man who’s busy driving.

“Ah! Your daily fact Injun-ah, where is it?” Jaemin smirked and threw a glance at the man who just groaned when the fact finally dawned on him. “I’m not doubtful that we can write a biography with how much we have learned from each other these past two months, what more do you wish to learn?” The businessman furrowed his eyebrow, probably searching for a new question which would help him update his brain’s hard drive which is full of the psychiatrist’s information. After three seconds, his face lit up. “Oh right! You seem good at driving, who taught you to drive? Auntie doesn’t know how. Have you taken driving lessons?”

Renjun hummed thoughtfully before answering. “Jeno taught me. It was horrible; that guy has the patience of a toddler, I swear.” The doctor shivered at the memory which sent a chuckled towards his companion. “No way, Dr. Lee doesn’t seem to be like that.” Renjun shook his head at the remark and stared at Jaemin morosely. “Lee Jeno is patient in everything except for one thing; he’s extremely torturous when teaching driving. I almost gave up learning because of him.” Jaemin laughed as they passed the stop light. “Really? That’s…. quite surprising.” “Yeah, that’s why one day, in anger, I drove his car by myself. Then I got my license shortly after. I can still remember the terror whenever he’d raise his voice at me and made me feel like an idiot.”

The businessman just smiled and continued on driving. “Okay, my turn. You look like you learned through an academy and attended various seminars, so I won’t ask the same question. Have you ever done volunteer work? When and where was the last time?” The man in question laughed at the abruptness of the question. It was really out of the blue. “Well, the last time I went, I was still a freshman in college. So that was a long time ago. I was not even 20 back then. Why are you asking this anyway?”

The doctor looked outside his window before returning his gaze on his companion. “Well, I want to invite you to our upcoming medical mission if you’re not really busy. Do you want to…?” Jaemin did not hesitate to agree as soon as the question came. This sent a smile on Renjun’s lips which would probably make him swerve lanes had he been weaker. “Alright! I’ll email you the details later!”

Who would have thought that the sassy, ill-tempered, and boastful man from two months ago would smile so freely in front of him? Jaemin is not complaining though as he pulled over in front of the doctor’s apartment complex. ‘ _He really ain’t like how the others describe him to be._ ’

 

 

 

“Is it just me or is Jun glowing particularly today?” Yangyang nudged his elder brother as he shivered seeing his other brother smile while reading anatomy. Xiaojun nodded and clung to his husband who merely sighed and turned back into his newspaper. The topic of the gossip looked up from his book and raised an eyebrow at his brothers. “Can’t it be that I’m _extremely_ amused reading this book? Imagine dissecting _you_ people, that would surely bring a smile on my face.” He beamed at his brothers brightly.

Xiaojun and Yangyang shivered as they hugged each other. “Come on, you can’t be serious. Renjun here can’t even hurt a fly.” Guanheng rolled his eyes at his husband and brother-in-law. “But that psycho is good with needles!” Xiaojun exclaimed. “That’s idiotic. I can’t believe you’re a lawyer. Yukhei was crazy for hiring you.” Xiaojun look affronted at his husband’s statement and must be genuinely hurt. The psychiatrist stepped in before the couple break into an argument which can easily escalate. “Nah. Xiaojun topped the bar, Yukhei _would_ be crazy had he not hired him.” His brother smiled at that, the hurt from earlier replaced with something akin to pride.

Chen Le, who just entered, gaped at his elder brother; like the doctor grew a second head or third eye. “I. Cannot. Believe. This.” He began, earning the attention of everyone in the living room. “Jaemin is _really_ changing you.” This earned the youngest a scoff from the subject of such perplexity. “Oh please Lele, get your facts straight. _I don’t change for people_.” He shut his book before placing it on his lap and crossing his arms in front of his chest. “But you don’t just utter such _kindness_ on your own volition either.” It was Yangyang’s turn to cross his arms in front of his chest. Chen Le bobbed his head up and down and plopped himself on the other side of Guanheng who, irritated, stood up and headed for the kitchen.

Unconsciously pouting, the psychiatrist huffed at his brothers. “Excuse me. I _am_ kind. You just don’t deserve my overwhelming kindness.” The three shook their heads. “No. The only people you were kind with are your patients and the extent of such kindness is you acting civilly towards them. So that doesn’t count.” Yangyang taunted him which earned the desired response as a pillow came flying towards him, missing his head by nearly an inch.

“You changed, that’s that. We won’t bother you whether or not you changed for what or for _whom_. Anyways, a little bird told me you’ve invited Jaemin to go to your medical mission.” Chen Le looked giddy as he shared his findings with his brothers. The other two was shocked but their surprise was quickly replaced with matching smug smirks. “Yeah, _doesn’t change for people_.” Yangyang mockingly mimicked his brother which earned him the anatomy book, right on his chest. He coughed.

“Do shut up.” The doctor stood up but there was no bite in his voice. His brothers laughed seeing the pink dusting his cheeks.

 

 

 

“Injunnie, calm down.” Jaemin’s soft voice rang through his ears as the red and cloud in his eyes started to dissipate. Despite gathering a little bit of his sanity, Renjun harshly break from the businessman’s grasp. Jaemin refused to budge, tightening his hold on the smaller male. “Let me go Na. Let me go before I crush your brain stem.” The doctor snarled as he looked back. The demented idiot shook his head and snarled back though not as viciously. This led to the doctor’s frustration but he’s not willing to let any of his tears drop; not in front of that phyton at least. “She attacked my family Na.” He whispered, desperation dripping from each word as well as his glassy eyes.

The businessman smiled fondly, shaking his head. “It’s not worth it; _she’s not worth it_.” This was enough to finally calm the raging doctor. Renjun turned to the smirking woman who’s obviously enjoying the chaos she caused. Putting on his best smirk, he turned to the hag. “My brothers might be idiots, but they are _my_ idiots. Go find your own to insult.” He tapped Jaemin’s hand, a nonverbal cue to let him go before stepping forward towards the woman whose pupil are shaking. “I’ll let this slide _just this once_.”

Everyone in the ER held their breaths as the scenario continued to unfold. Interns can’t really do anything considering their status and residents refuses to step in with the psychiatrist’s infamy. “Somebody call Dr. Lee or the chairman.” A two-year resident nudged the intern beside him who snapped back into reality and scrambled to the reception desk.

The woman is not budging despite obviously being shaken by the change in demeanor of her victim. “Is that all you can do, _Huang_?” Renjun felt his blood boil but staying true to Jaemin’s words earlier, just raised his eyebrows at the woman. “No. Are you ready for it though, _Kwon Eunbin?_ ” The taste of her name in his mouth tastes absolutely horrible. ‘ _Take the bait honey, so that we can have evidence for obstruction of business and physical assault._ ’ She was never really that clever despite acing their high school.

The woman took a step forward, arms crossed in front of her chest, obviously trying to make herself look bigger despite failing absolutely at it. “Ha, pathetic. You’re not really different from your adopted brothers, are you?” This almost sent the doctor lunging forward but he restrained himself feeling the presence of the businessman not far from him. It gave him strength. He shrugged. “Well, _we’re brothers_. I don’t like bragging but all of us are successful, intelligent, and extremely good-looking. Mother will be extremely pleased if she hears me speaking like this. Oi Na, don’t you dare-” Sighing, he squinted his eyes at the male who’s recording his words. “Well, I have to impress my future mother-in-law.” The other shrug. “That’s overstepping your boundaries.” The doctor glared at him. The businessman beamed brightly.

The exchange and temporary loss of attention irked the woman as she closed the distance between her and the doctor and gave the latter an ear-splitting slap. The whole ER went into complete silence. Renjun widened his eyes, obviously appalled at the impact. “You and your arrogance. Yet you wonder why our whole batch went out of their way to bring you down.”

Renjun felt his whole world crumbling under his feet. The last thing he heard was Jeno’s booming voice and warmth before finding himself eaten by darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello people! After probably more than a month, we're back in business- erm. 
> 
> Despite not updating, I can see that people are still visiting this fly-infested-almost-abandoned story of mine and I cannot be more humbled seeing people come by and leave kudos; I am extremely humbled seeing ACTUAL people enjoy this. *inserts ugly sobbing here* Thank you very much for the 119 kudos! That's too much love for this nonsense-infested-word-barf of mine. *inserts another ugly sobbing here*
> 
> So after pondering some things and planning, I hope I can deliver a littleeee bit better as we're finally on our volume? (Can't really tell if we can call this volumed but you can notice a slight change not only in the title but the dynamics as well) I did not finished using Erikson's 8 psychosocial stages as it was no longer appropriate. Also, as you can see, there's character development! 
> 
> You can expect chapters which will show various dynamics that may or may not directly affect our two main characters (just like the one unnecessary bit with Renjun and his brothers); I will also start embarking on opening wounds and un-repressing repressed emotions. 
> 
> I am warning you people, this is gonna get real angsty. (Or maybe not.)
> 
> Over-all, to finish this annoyingly long and unnecessary end note, I THANK ALL OF YOU FOR READING THIS MONSTROSITY. You do not know how much this has helped me cope when uni became shitty to handle. Until next week!
> 
> Also, another good news, I'm working on trying to make the updates come more frequently, although please note the keyword TRYING since I'm very sensitive about chapter length and content (albeit covert as obvious with this one). So, 'till then!
> 
> Please don't hesitate to leave keyboard smashes! <3


	10. I'm seriously not getting married - Implicit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Underneath those skins and layers, there are changes and secrets.
> 
> This is just Renjun being adorable with his brothers and Jaemin finally growing that spine.

_Clasping his mouth with his little hands, the little figure cowered and shuddered in fear as he heard another of their china break into shards. He’s washed in terror and wished nothing but to crawl into his mother’s embrace and sob loudly as she cradles him and sing lullabies into his ear as his little figure is lulled into deep slumber. He bit back his sob though, he bit his tongue with pressure in order to distract himself from the terror his father is causing him. ‘Stay hidden and be quiet.’ His mother sadly ordered him as she closed the closet door, he doesn’t want to break the pinky promise he made._

_“You are the cause of my downfall! I can no longer pursue-!” His little ears tuned out the rest of his father’s outburst. He continued on sobbing silently terrified of both getting caught then beaten and hearing his father’s outburst which may lead to him beating his mom instead. He can’t do anything. He perched his ears gently on the door of the closet, monitoring whether or not his mother’s fine when he heard the familiar crack echo throughout the house. He whimpered as he heard his mother winced loudly in agony._

_Carefully crawling out, he called out to his rage-clouded father. “P-papa, please don’t hurt m-mama. P-please papa.” The man glared at the poor child menacingly. The last thing the child felt was the collision of those big feet to his tiny stomach. He blackened out._

The man winced upon the weight of the glares and stares he’s receiving from the people around the room. He suddenly felt like ten all over again, with his mother’s and brothers’ crossed arms and looks of disapproval. The demented capitalist seemed to amuse himself with the scenario and the doctor glared at the man who just shrugged in response. “Huang Renjun.” He heard his name called in the most chilling way which sent shivers down his spine. He refused to look at his mother.

The beautiful woman tsk-ed under her breath and walked towards the edge of the bed where her son kept on glaring at his innocent _friend_. ‘ _It’s not like that idiot put a label on their blooming relationship._ ’ The woman thought in amusement. Shaking her head, she returned to the matter at hand. “ _Huang Renjun, meet your mother’s eyes when she’s talking._ ” The threat is obvious in her voice.

The man in question threw his hands up in exasperation and anxiety. “Alright! It wasn’t my fault!” Upon the glare, Renjun cowered and added with a smaller voice, “alright, partially. At least not all!” Mrs. Huang raised an eyebrow at her son. “That peasant dared to talk rubbish. I just suddenly saw red.” Everyone in the room apart from Jaemin, Jeno, and Donghyuck raised an eyebrow. It is so not Renjun to just suddenly lose his cool just because of some insult. “You don’t just lose your temper for _some_ rubbish Jun.” Dejun stated questioningly from where he is seated, beside Yangyang and Guanheng. Chen Le shifted on his seat as he scooted closer to Yangyang. Renjun unconsciously pouted and was aggravated at the trigger. “It’s not just _some_ rubbish. She talked shit about you idiots. I cannot just let that go.” He turned his gaze on his fingers which are on his lap.

Mrs. Huang’s gaze softened and she gently caressed her son’s hair. “What did she say?” Renjun pouted as he looked up at his mother, clearly forgetting that he’s nearly thirty. ‘ _It’s like he’s five all over again._ ’ The woman thought in amusement as she smiled tenderly. “That _creature_ called Dejun incompetent, Yangyang retarded, and Chen Le autistic! She even had the audacity to scream out how Dejun and Yangyang doesn’t deserve all their success because they’re _merely orphans who doesn’t deserve any kindness!_ She’s lucky Jaemin was there or else I would have gone ballistic!” The doctor wailed to his mother whose jaw slackened.

Dejun, Guanheng, Yangyang, Chen Le and Renjun all felt their breath hitch as Mrs. Huang suddenly stood up, looking all murderous and dangerous. Yangyang stood up and approached their mother. “Uhm, mom?” He called cautiously. Mrs. Huang held a hand to her son. “Uh-uh, tell me Jun, who’s that _bitch_?” Everyone choked on their spits. Chen Le stood up and beamed at their mother. “Mom, Jisung just told me that he’s already missing your stew. I think Yangyang could help to make it even-” Mrs. Huang glared at him. The youngest backed away and nodded.

“Don’t worry auntie, Injun here got her good.” Jaemin interrupted with that signature megawatt smile of his, being all charming and calming. Mrs. Huang relaxed a little but not completely. Giving her bedridden son a quick glance, she questioned the businessman. “Really? But this idiot here is bedridden?” The businessman paid no heed at the slight threat and underlying manipulation beneath the woman’s question. “Oh, don’t worry about that auntie. He got her good; made her embarrassed with words alone, it’s just that his migraine has worsened, thus, knocking him out. You can confirm it with Jeno.” Jaemin beamed wider at the woman.

Mrs. Huang sighed and returned her attention to Renjun. “You idiot, I always wonder where you got that temper of yours. You’re a professional for goodness sake.” She sighed and gathered her son in her arms. The doctor smiled at his mother’s words. She looked over her shoulder and motioned his brothers to come join the hug; Dejun, Yangyang, and Chen Le grinned. “Mom, get out of the way!” The youngest screamed. The woman backed off as the three all jumped on Renjun. The doctor groaned. “Oh come on! I’m hospitalized here people! At least have some mercy!” The three laughed loudly. “Nahh baby brother, we love you too much to let go of this opportunity.” Dejun then proceeded to tickle his brothers which quickly escalated into a full-blown pillow fight with the four attacking each other.

Guanheng proceeded to stand beside Jaemin after Mrs. Huang left but not without her signature eye roll and a quick ‘ _tell the idiots I have business to attend to._ ’ This left the two to watch the brothers bickering and beating each other in amusement. Jaemin tipped his head at the older with Guanheng returning the regard. “You’re Yukhei’s brother, right?” Jaemin inquired, eyes filled with mirth. The elder nodded, smiling as well. “They’re a rowdy bunch, I tell you. Before I got married, I thought Yukhei and I were animals with how raucous we were but then this family came along and proudly flaunted how they are a bunch of beasts. They used to be wilder than this.” This surprised the businessman and his surprise did not escaped the elder’s vision. “Yes.” Guanheng laughed as he turned back his attention on the brothers who found another thing to bicker around. “They became a little civilized when Dejun and I married though but before that, I used to walk in on mother screaming her lungs at them while they sport bruises and hairs which resembled birds’ nests.” The elder laughed at the fond memory, the businessman followed suit as well, already amused even at the mere notion of it. “That’s probably where Injun got his temper.” He lightly remarked which earned a loud guffaw.

The light and mirth in Guanheng’s eyes dimmed though as he settled into something more of a sad nostalgia. “Despite their rowdiness, all of them would usually huddle together after getting scolded and either Renjun or Dejun would rope me in as they play Jenga or monopoly. They were so loud and happy.” Jaemin noticed the past tense and turned to the elder questioningly despite not having the courage to voice his question. Guanheng totally lost his smile as he looked sadly at the younger man. “Something terrible happened during Renjun’s senior year in high school and since then, he has never laughed again. Not genuinely at least. He has become snarky and sarcastic that it came to a point when he had actually hurt the three with his words and actions.”

The businessman absorbed each information like a dry sponge whilst keeping his gaze on the doctor who’s enjoying himself while playing around with his brothers. “It had been years since they played around like this. Renjun became so aloof it led to Dejun and Yangyang almost leaving home if it weren’t for mother and Chen Le crying and begging the two not to. He never apologized though.” “What happened?” Jaemin furrowed his eyebrows. He knows that the doctor is snarky, sarcastic, and naturally witty, but he never thought that the other would hurt anyone intentionally.

Guanheng pursed his lips. “You know how those two were adopted when Renjun was eight and Chen Le was barely seven?” Jaemin nodded hesitantly. “Well, that was a month before their father abandoned them. Turns out that his little mind had correlated the arrival of the two with his and Chen Le’s father’s departure although the latter is solely the man’s choice. He had been hiding it and suddenly erupted after ten years. I’m sure there’s more to it other than Dejun and Yangyang annoying the hell out of him that particular day but as you can see, more than a decade has passed and we still haven’t figured out what caused that almost tragedy.” The elder smiled gently though as he turned towards Jaemin, reaching out to hold the latter’s right hand and clasped into his. “He’s been getting better though. Ever since mother set him up on that blind date with you, he’s slowly getting more expressive. I don’t know how you did it but it seems as if you’re changing him for the better. I still do not condone with forced meet-ups and blind dates, but I’ll let this one slip because _mother is really right_. Thank you for giving back that laugh of his.”

Jaemin lifted his left hand and patted the elder’s hand comfortingly as he smiled gently. “It wasn’t me. It was all him. _Renjun doesn’t change for others_.” As tempting as it is to think that way, the businessman forlornly reminded the elder the doctor’s personality. And maybe to remind himself as well that he can’t really help the doctor as the latter have been helping him albeit implicitly most of the time. Guanheng shook his head amusingly, letting go of the businessman’s hand to pat the latter’s right shoulder with his left hand. “Don’t belittle your capabilities young man. Don’t overestimate that idiot over there as well.”

Jaemin can only look longingly at Renjun who’s laughing at Yangyang and Chen Le who managed to bump their heads for some odd reason.

 

 

 

Loud music was booming from the speakers. Woman and men alike are grinding against each other as they move their body with the music. It smells like sweat, alcohol, and smoke in the dance floor so the General Sales Manager opted to sit this one out while almost all of his acquaintances danced their body off. He leaned back as he drank his liquor and watched the sea of bodies get lost in the latest party music. He’s impassive.

He felt a light tap on his left shoulder so he turned towards it and found Yeji, the beautiful manager from the Marketing Department raising an eyebrow at him. “I can’t believe that I’ll live to see the day when you’re not in the middle of the dance floor while every single living soul tries to get into your pants. That’s some serious character development Na.” She remarked. Jaemin guffawed at that and placed down his glass. “I just don’t feel like it.” “That’s really shocking. Na Jaemin, not in the mood for partying? You’re amusing me but try harder.” There’s mocking in both her voice and choice of words which aggravated Jaemin, he tried to control his temper a bit but not totally to let it go. “Well, that’s just it is.” He settled on tipping his glass and standing up to leave early.

“Is this real? You’re actually set off by my remark. This is amazing Na.” She followed him. Taking a deep breath, the General Sales Manager turned back harshly to the woman who obviously flinched. “Yes. So please stop aggravating me further with your insensitive remarks because I might forget that I’m not supposed to fight women. My mother will be utterly disappointed.” The woman’s gaze softened but he paid it no heed as he took large strides to exit the club as fast as possible.

When he felt the cold night air hitting his face, he felt a tap on his shoulder. It was still Yeji but now sporting an apologetic disposition. He decided to steam off his temper. “I’m sorry if I came out insensitive earlier. I was just really surprised because you usually does not pass off such activities. Also, you never really told us off whether or not we cross your limit which I probably did.” She hung her head, obviously embarrassed. Jaemin smiled gently, appreciating the gesture. Patting the woman’s shoulder, he put said hands in his pocket. “I appreciate your remorse. Thanks for going out of your way to apologize despite my childish tantrum.”

The woman beamed and shook her head. “You really changed. I like it.” The businessman furrowed his eyebrow at the unexpected comeback. “You always take everyone’s jokes and remarks with a smile that doesn’t quite reach your eyes. _You are a people pleaser Na_. I’m glad you spoke your mind. That doctor is working wonders in your life.” She raised her right eyebrow at him. He guffawed before returning to a fond expression. “Thanks, Yeji and yeah, that idiot might be narcissistic and will brag about how good he is at his profession but yeah, he’s an amazing person underneath all that façade.” The Marketing Manager faked gag but it was obvious she was pleased. Patting his shoulder again, she beamed. “It’s disgusting how whipped you are towards that doctor, but I’m glad. We aren’t exactly friends but I like looking out for you Na. You deserve the world.” Jaemin laughed but merely nodded and motioned that the woman should go back inside.

‘ _I actually snapped._ ’ He smiled and fished his phone out of his pocket, calling a number he has learned to think of fondly as well. After the third ring and some collision, a ragged voice entered his auditory receptors. “Oh hey Jaem!” He laughed at how cheery the voice is despite the underlying pained wince. “Hey Lele, what did you crash into now?” He remarked amusingly, ignoring the pointed looks from the people he passed by. He hailed a cab.

“Jisung is leaving for New York tomorrow and the house is in a disarray. I stumbled upon his luggage trying to reach for my phone which got displace amidst all these mess. How are you by the way?” A pout can be heard despite not visually seeing it which brightened the smile on the businessman’s face. Giving a quick instruction to the cab driver as he got in, he returned to the younger. “Oh, everything’s fine, something just happened which made me think back to you.” He chuckled, appreciating the younger’s kindness. ‘ _They really are siblings._ ’ Fake gagging sounds can be heard through the speaker as the younger went on to do his usual charade. “Are you flirting with me Jaem? Because I swear you’ll die on Jisung’s hand if that’s the case.” The businessman laughed loudly as the younger sounds absolutely serious. “Idiot. I don’t do married folks. I just snapped at a colleague and I remembered your constant ‘ _stop trying to please everyone for goodness sake._ ’ It actually felt good.”

He heard a sigh from the other line and the younger’s voice softened considerably, opposing his usual loudness. “I’m proud of you. If Renjun hear about this, he’ll go snarky once again but deep inside he’ll be extremely proud that you’re growing out of your people-pleasing phase.” There’s humor in it but the intent of pride still came through. Like a child, Jaemin felt accomplished.

“Oh, now that you called, I remembered; are you free next week? After the medical mission I mean since Yangyang has orchestrated a new dish which he wished to present to us before putting in the menu.” The businessman smiled upon the invitation. “Sure, count me in.” He heard cheering from the other line. “Yes! I finally have someone to join the _team-who-actually-have-taste-buds_. Dejun and Renjun doesn’t have one. The former always approves whereas the latter always rejects even when the dish tastes fabulous. Oh! Jisung’s home and we haven’t finished packing! I’ll see you soon Jaem! Take care!”

‘ _So this is what connections feel like._ ’ A smile crept up his lips as the cab drove into the night.

 

 

 

_“You’re not that pretty and you’re so gullible. It’s such a pity don’t you think?” A strong slap almost sent him to the ground. He remained his passive behavior, unwilling to crack even under the pressure of everyone’s stares and snickers. Nobody dared nor made a move to help him. ‘_ It’s painful how I’m not even surprised. _’ A harsh tug on his hair returned his focus to the girl with a sinister smile. “What are you gonna do now? There is no Lee Jeno nor Lee Donghyuck to protect you. Not so strong now, are we?” He refused to shake despite the strong taunt. He spit at his predator._

_It wasn’t his best idea as large stones suddenly rained upon him. ‘_ You really are stupid Huang. _’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello people! Wow, this nonsense actually received 147 kudos? Thank you very much! I am glad y'all are enjoying this despite its lackings. 
> 
> Here's some of the backstory I've postponed for so long. Thank you centrenmin for your kind feedback, it was like a wake-up call that I need to take this shit seriously as my writing has been lacking probably because of the recent burn-out I just had (fuck university).
> 
> Anyway, I would really like to thank you all for all of your kindness and I hope you enjoy this chapter. Comments (especially keyboard smashes) are highly encouraged and appreciated. Critiques and criticisms are highly welcomed as well! 
> 
> [This is the part where I should plug my SNS accounts but I'm shy~ Haha]
> 
> See you next week!


	11. I'm seriously not getting married - Images

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're building images for each other and it's gnawing at their self-confidence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be mentions of alcohol and cigarettes, you have been warned.
> 
> Anyway, the dreamies are aged up here anyway and the 00 line is already legal. But I just thought that I ought to let you know.

A smile gently crept up his face despite the scorching sun and the hot air it produced. He was doing an impeccable job at aiding other volunteers and he can see that despite the usual reserved demeanor of the psychiatrist, the latter actually looks so jolly while tending to the locals they have visited. Renjun is talking with a certain group of families the last time he looked up from coloring with a child named Jisoo. Feeling a tap from his left, he offered a smile to an elderly woman who seemed to need his assistance. He turned to the child who’s still preoccupied with her drawing to inform her he’ll be leaving for a while. “Hey, Jisoo? Nana’s going for a while to help this grandma, you’ll be alright?” The little girl bobbed her head up and down, her pigtails bobbing along the way. He ruffled her hair.

The elder woman smiled softly at the interaction and offered a thanks when he took hold of her large plastic bags. “Where to ma’am?” He offered kindly. “To Dr. Huang please. My daughter-in-law wishes to pass something onto him as a token of our gratitude.” Jaemin noticed that the plastic bags he’s holding are full of assorted vegetables and fruits. He wowed at the variety. The old woman chuckled upon his reaction. “That’s nothing compared to Dr. Huang’s help to us. You wouldn’t know since you’re quite new here but aside from the quarterly medical mission the hospital conducts in our province, Dr. Huang consistently funds medicines for our crazy folks. What do they call those again… _s-sayk-_ ” “Psychiatric medicines ma’am?” The businessman kindly offered to the woman who’s obviously having a hard time recalling the term. “Yes! That’s it! Anyway, my son has never been right in the head since he was young that when he got older, we had to resort to caging him beside the pigpens.” The woman was obviously ashamed of her anecdote but Jaemin simply smiled at her. “It’s not like you had other options ma’am, I’ve been here for only half a day but I can see that your area has underdeveloped transportation system.” The woman nodded grimly but perked up at the succeeding events. “Yes, but thankfully medical missions started getting conducted here! My son got diagnosed and was provided medicines to control his episodes. Dr. Huang is very kind for he always calls to check up on every case here and even ships medicines when our supplies run out.”

The woman sighed and took a deep breath, catching her breath as she seemed to have walked for miles before arriving at the station. Seeing this, Jaemin placed down the bags and took a chair from a nearby tent for the lady. “Let’s take a rest first ma’am, Dr. Huang ain’t going anywhere anyway.” He smiled brightly. The woman smiled back at him. “You’re very kind young man, I haven’t seen you before, you just started volunteering now?” The man questioned nodded his head as he offered a water bottle to the obviously exhausted elderly. “I’m a friend of Dr. Huang and he invited me to help.” The lady seemed surprised as she removed the bottle from her lips. “You’re lucky to befriend him then. Such a kind soul although he looks like somebody has shitted on his meal.” The two laughed at the remark, the sound of their laughter gathering some attention, among those was the man they were just talking about.

Jaemin noticed the risen eyebrow of Renjun so he beckoned him to come over. The doctor offered a kind smile to the ladies he was just talking with as he strutted towards the businessman, currently unaware of the elderly’s presence. When he approached the man though he finally noticed the old woman and beamed brightly. “Mrs. Han! You came! How’s your waist?” He started on fussing on the woman which brought a smile on the businessman’s face as he observed the exchange. The woman puffed her cheek and lightly slapped the psychiatrist’s arm. “No need to fuss young man, I’m fine. That waist pain last time was merely a strain from working on the fields all day. I brought you vegetables and fruits by the way! Hana packed these so share this with your handsome friend here!” She clasped her hands gladly. Renjun’s eyes widened at the humongous amount of gift he just received. Shaking his head, he pouted at the woman. “Mrs. Han! You’ve gone overboard again! This is too much even for the both of us!” The woman put her hands on her hips though, obviously trying to overcome the psychiatrist in this battle of nerves. “Don’t you dare reject these, young man, or else…” she trailed off. The psychiatrist’s jaw dropped. “But Mrs. Han, Mrs. Kim over there has also packed so much for me to bring home, and then old Seo will come over and bring his chickens- come on Mrs. Han.” The old woman merely tsk-ed at the young man’s pleas.

Jaemin smiled fondly at the exchange. This was another aspect of the psychiatrist he’s witnessing, so unlike the snarky and egoistic doctor he’s so used to see in the city. Here, in this little town, Huang Renjun is a champion the elderly look so fondly upon. A slight tug on his shirt made him turn to little Jisoo who’s holding up her drawing for him to take. Crouching down, he took the drawing and inspected it. “Oh, what is this?” He asked the child kindly who just beamed as she excitedly narrated the contents of her drawing. “This is you!” She pointed at a figure on the left of the drawing which is beaming brightly. “I draw some flowers around you because you are so kind just like the kind doctors and nurses here. And this is Dr. Huang!” She pointed at the one on the right, wearing an expression which is similar to his. ‘ _Uncharacteristically Huang Renjun in nature._ ’ “He’s so nice and handsome! He cured my mommy as well!” Her little outburst caught the attention of the old woman and Renjun who turned to them.

“Oh, Jisoo!” The psychiatrist grinned as he kneeled and beckoned the young girl for a hug. It was the woman’s turn to stand back with Jaemin again, the one wearing a fond expression in turn. “Dr. Huang practically saved that little girl’s family.” The businessman furrowed his eyebrows at the statement and the old woman gladly elaborated for him. “Jisoo’s mother went crazy after losing her elder brother due to drowning. She had become a threat to the community with her outbursts and random thrashing. One day, she held little Jisoo here hostage with a knife on the poor girl’s throat. The first thing the locals did was contact him since he’s the only one whose number we know before restraining the woman with the help of the men because we don’t really have the police here. Dr. Huang arrived here four hours later and brought the two in the city for about three to four months of treatment and then helped the two slowly settle.” The woman ended, the smile not once falling from her tender face which was marked both with age and harsh conditions but the businessman still see the traces of the beauty she has been and still is despite time’s cloak upon her. The woman turned toward him, patting him on the arm once again. “I’ll be going now young man, before Dr. Huang refuse my vegetables and fruits again. Have some too!”

 The businessman was left in a state of whiplash. ‘ _That’s some charismatic woman right there._ ’ He chuckled a little before returning his attention to the doctor who’s now laughing at the child who showed him something. Renjun turned to him with that bright expression and Jaemin felt his breath hitch. His smile turned melancholy; an expression akin to uncertainty. ‘ _Do I even deserve you?_ ’

 

 

 

The doctor shifted uncomfortably on his seat as he kept on tugging at his cardigan. The whole place is crowded, loud, and _suffocating_. He is very much out of place amidst the raucous people and his choice of clothing is nothing but a strong testament to that. He’s currently at a club in the middle of the city after Jaemin has effortlessly convinced him to join the latter and his colleagues who were celebrating after the businessman pitched in a large deal. He cannot really deny the businessman’s request, not after dragging him across four mountains for a medical mission. He knows that the younger man will take no offense but his sense of responsibility overrode him, thus, his current disposition.

It actually surprised him to see that he managed to plant his ass on that seat for almost two hours when all he had wanted was to bolt out and never come back from the moment he entered the hellish place. ‘ _I never understood partying nor had an inclination towards it; now I remember why._ ’ He thought gravely. It doesn’t help his case that he looks awfully out of place with his ripped jeans, white shirt, and beige cardigan. ‘ _In my defense, I tried. I managed to fish a stylish jean from my stack full of slacks._ ’ He sulked. He could have invited Jeno, as Donghyuck might have a panic episode if he entered this large and chaotic crowd, but the lovers have been out to choose their wedding cake the whole day and he doesn’t wish to impose when the two had been awfully knackered already. ‘ _Jeno dislike sweets and Donghyuck is an absolute sweet tooth; good luck in finding a common ground._ ’ He amused himself at the thought of Jeno coughing every single cake which enters his mouth while Donghyuck would grumble at how perfect everything is and his fiancé is just being overdramatic. ‘ _It’ll all end with them not having chosen any and an argument waiting to erupt._ ’ He chuckled under his breath as he took another sip of his water.

Amidst his thoughts, he felt the seat beside him dip and as he looked up, he saw the beautiful manager from marketing department whom Jaemin introduced as Yeji. “Hello there Dr. Huang. You don’t seem to be having fun.” She smiled. He smiled back as he shook his head gently. “Hello Ms. Hwang. _I’m totally having the time of my life here_. Please don’t mind me.” He mentally chastised himself for sounding so fake. ‘ _You sound so convincing Huang. Way to go._ ’ The lady paid it no heed as she poured herself some liquor.

As the two fell into silence, the doctor felt so small seeing how the woman fit easily in the setting and is even exuding confidence as she scans the room with nonchalance and mirth in her eyes. He reverted back into playing with his hems. “You know,” the woman beside him started, sending a silent sigh of relief form escaping his lips, “you’re quite lucky, being up there in the relationship hierarchy of Na Jaemin.” ‘ _I’m sipping back that sigh of relief right now._ ’ The doctor furrowed his eyebrows and turned to the woman who did not even spared him a glance the whole time, her eyes focused on the figure dancing in the middle of the floor. Renjun followed suit and soon, he found himself allured by the graceful dancing of the demented clown.

The way Jaemin’s obnoxiously pink hair bob together with the music, his sweat clad shirt, and that smirk which is eternally etched on his face sent the doctor’s body some alarming bodily symptoms. “Nobody can really resist his charm.” The woman remarked snidely beside him although it lacks malice. It did not fail to send him flushing red though. He coughed. “That, I could see.” He remarked back, acting passive despite his face saying otherwise. Yeji laughed with her head tipped back as she ran her fingers through her hair. “No need to be so defensive Doctor. It’s totally normal and rational to be attracted to him. He’s successful, stable, and handsome, not to mention his gentlemanly ways.” She shrugged, drinking his refilled glass in one gulp.

For some odd reason, it actually sent an ugly tingling in his chest. They way the woman stated such facts with nonchalance, like they’re a common knowledge. It makes him uncomfortable that it’s actually the truth and as he played with his water bottle, realization dawned on him. ‘ _It’s not the fact that’s sending me discomfort; it’s the fact that it’s such a common knowledge that men and women alike are pining after him._ ’ He realized the underlying messages quickly but it only made him miserable. ‘ _Good job mother, you’ve done a great job at dumping on my lap the most sought after bachelor. Great, just great._ ’

“I’ll go now Doctor. It has been nice chatting with you.” She’s obviously tipsy but her cheerful disposition still sent a smile on Renjun’s face. He was left alone again, alone with his thoughts and now, with an addition of unnecessary information and realizations. The thought almost brought a groan to escape his lips but he felt the seat beside him dip once more so he straightened his posture and prepared a smile to offer when he finally saw the intruder. “Hi Huang! A nice night out, ain’t it?” He pursed his lips, crossed his legs, and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “ _Kwon Eunbin._ ” His words and voice drip with every venom that is available in his body.

The woman smiled daintily at him, mocking his existence in the club as she crossed her legs as well, showing off all of the sparkles in her whole body. ‘ _Truly fitting for this setting._ ’ “You really are a _sore thumb_ wherever you go Huang.” She taunted, her beautifully done eye makeup glinting under the harsh lighting of the club.

 He remained passive and void of emotion. ‘ _I know very well that I’m a sore thumb. It doesn’t take a genius to know that._ ’ “If you would like to taunt me, _do better than that_. It’s so painful to hear your idiotic remarks.” He smirked seeing the woman lose her cool because of such simple comeback. It surprised him though to see her composed herself again and turned to the object of his attention just minutes ago. He decided to follow suit.

“He really does shine wherever he goes, doesn’t he?” The woman beside him broke the silence after thirty seconds. Renjun was taken aback by the spontaneity of the question though. He did not entertain her remark. “Seeing him in the middle of that crowd, he’s practically a gem amidst the rocks.” She turned towards the doctor, a smirk already etched on her face. Renjun was having none of it. “Just what on earth are you implying Kwon?” The woman laughed at the venom dripping from the doctor’s voice. She did not answer abruptly.

Standing up, she flipped her hair prettily. She gave Renjun a mocking scan before resting her gaze on his eyes, as if challenging him. “No matter how much you try to polish yourself, a rock will remain a rock.” She winked at him before strutting away.

He felt that sting. Tightening his grip at the water bottle he bought from home, he bit his lips as he looked over the dance floor where the businessman currently is. He bit back the prickling in his eyes. ‘ _He fits just right,_ ’ he looked down on his lap as he felt his chest clench in discomfort, ‘ _and I don’t belong here. Especially not beside him._ ’

 

 

 

‘ _Huh? It’s three a.m. for goodness sake. Who on earth is banging that door at this hour?_ ’ Renjun rubbed the sleep out of his eyes as he wore his glasses from the bedside table. He lazily got up and wore his Moomin slippers before deciding to walk towards the door lethargically. The banging got louder, waking him and making him alert.

It just dawned on him that it’s three in the morning and there’s somebody banging on his door. Chills shot down his spine upon the realization and thousand thoughts filled his head at once. ‘ _You’re so slow Huang._ ’ He scanned his living room at the speed of light, finding something useful to use as a weapon. Finding nothing, he remembered the humongous frying pan he received from Yangyang last Christmas but never used because it’s just so large.

Dashing to the kitchen, he hastily pulled the pan from under the sink and positioned himself behind the door. Another loud knocks emerged. ‘ _Darn it Huang! Why didn’t you invest in that video intercom and security cameras? You should have listened to Jeno, but oh no-!_ ’ His train of thoughts was cut short when a whimper was heard from behind the door. “Please, just open up Injunnie.” It was gentle and almost inaudible but Renjun heard it clearly.

Putting the pan down, the doctor sighed before gently opening the door. It revealed a very much drunk Jaemin with his tie lose and his newly died brunette. The man is slumped in front of his doorway, like a broken man in quest for something. “So you finally let go of that pink huh?” The doctor remarked gently before hauling up the businessman who finally looked up at him. The doctor does not like that melancholic expression the businessman is sporting.

Closing the door behind him with his foot, he decided to dump the drunken baggage on one of his extra rooms. As they were embarking the way which suddenly elongated for some unknown reason, Jaemin broke the silence. “I like you _a lot_ Injun but I’m sad.” Renjun whipped his head towards the other while careful not to lose his balance. Tightening his grip on the businessman’s right hand, which is placed around his shoulders, and waist, his eyes widened at the sudden confession. “W-what?” ‘ _Really eloquent there Huang._ ’ He chastised himself for his response.

Jaemin leaned closer to his face, face flushed and eyelids slowly dropping with each minute. The scent of alcohol is overbearing though and if Renjun’s not mistaken, there’s a hint of tobacco there too. Leaning back and shaking his head, the doctor scrunched his nose. “Good gracious Jae, you smell awful.” He’s concerned as to what could have prompted the other man to drink into oblivion again. Everything seemed to be fine between them and Renjun hasn’t really gotten any alarm signals around the businessman that would probably warrant such outcome. ‘ _Well, I don’t really know him apart from our nonsensical fun trivia._ ’ He thought bitterly.

The businessman hiccupped and brought him back from his reverie. Laughing, he caressed the doctor’s face while looking straightly into his eyes. ‘ _I’m scared how awake he looks right now._ ’ “I like you Huang Renjun. However, I am no match against Lee Jeno.” Silence engulfed the whole apartment.

“What the fuck Na Jaemin?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there people! Thank you so much for liking this and leaving a kudos! This has now earned 172 kudos! Thank you very much! 
> 
> Anyway, I won't really drag this on, but if you're too shy to leave a comment here, you can find me on twitter at @LeilaLynn_! Let's talk there and you can give me your feedbacks (even the harshest, I highly encourage criticisms). Or if you're still too shy, you can just drop on my CC so you can remain anonymous. I have to admit, your comments, most of the time, are one of the pushing factors of this story (haha, sorry). There really are just times when I just go "huh?" and then would "what?" because my neurons finally gave up.
> 
> So 'till next week then! 
> 
> Don't hesitate your keyboard smashes!


	12. I'm seriously not getting married - Misunderstandings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Communication is key but most of the time, we humans are too stubborn to consider it.

_It never ceased. The pain continued on flourishing as taunts and rocks continued to pour on his body which is crying with blood. ‘_ Ironic. _’ He bitterly thought inside his head as he made no move to fight back nor escape from such brutality. ‘_ That would be cowardly of me to do so. It’s pathetic enough that I am covering my head from this rain of rocks, I don’t want to further my case. _’ He’s totally aware that he’ll really die with his choices, but he’s fine with it._

 _‘_ This is how I will atone for what I said to Dejun and Yangyang. _’ He sadly smiled as his arms slowly lose their strength to cover his head with how each stone is converting into boulders at a fast rate. The raining of rocks stopped abruptly, causing him confusion and relief; he never let out a sigh of relief though. Looking up, he saw the smug smile of his perpetrator, directly above him and taunting. “Aww, is this real? The great and mighty Huang Renjun finally fell! Literally! And bleeding! Literally as well! This is fantastic!” Renjun felt his eyes prick and his chest tighten but he bit the insides of his cheeks to prevent himself from looking even more vulnerable than he already is._

 _He looked up defiantly, with tears pooling inside his eyes. ‘_ I always condition myself to remain calm and proud but it’s really getting hard to do so. _’ “You’re really stooping this low huh, Kwon Eunbin?” This simple but meaningful question rapidly wiped off the smug smile from the pretty girl’s face. She grabbed her prey’s collar as she stared straight into his eyes. “Huh, Rank One of our batch but you always resort to violence. Is it because you can’t formulate a clever comeback that’s why you decided to use the most obvious choice to mess with me? If so, that’s totally unoriginal Kwon. Use that pretty head of yours.” He clapped back which he probably shouldn’t have done as it had just landed him a harsh slap on his face. ‘_ Talk about good choices. _’ He chastised himself inside his head which should have been funny if he weren’t in such a large mess._

_The girl was about to follow-up that harsh slap of hers had it not been for the newcomer who snaked his arms around her waist. It sent another emotional blow against the pitiful figure slumped on the ground. “Calm down honey, it’s all ending anyway.” It was short and calm but was enough to sew a smirk on the girl’s face and further the misery for the battered boy. Having had enough, he swallowed all of his pride and look straight at Kwon Eunbin’s eyes. “Haven’t you had enough? I’ve fallen, literally and figuratively. Just stop this charade of yours Kwon.”_

_The girl detached herself from her lover’s embrace and kneeled in front of the tattered figure. “Why should I? You’re merely broken Huang, you’re merely bleeding,_ you haven’t died yet _.” And with one last smirk, Renjun felt his vision darken as his consciousness slipped. ‘_ I’m sorry mom, Dejun, Yangyang, Lele, Jeno. Guess this is it. _’_

Disregarding civility and humanity, the doctor threw the businessman onto his couch without any precursor. ‘ _This darn idiot._ ’ Huffing out an annoyed breath, he sassily placed his hands on his hips and looked down on the businessman who looked more sober than the previous minute. Going with his better judgement, he decided to let the other man sober up before confronting the outrageous notion he just dropped minutes ago. “You, sit there quietly and ponder over your propositions. I’ll be back under five minutes. I’ll just brew you some chamomile tea.”

After reaching his kitchen counter, Renjun released a long, albeit silent, sigh while clutching his chest. Everything has been shocking, to say the least, and he can’t continue on keeping his mind sound with the two bombs the idiot on his sofa just dropped on him. ‘ _He actually had the audacity to like me. A typical Na Jaemin move._ ’ He scoffed amusingly but he cannot deny the flush which is rapidly becoming visible in his cheeks and ears. Shaking his head, he proceeded on the task he took upon himself to accomplish. He swiftly took his pre-brewed tea and placed it in one of his porcelain teacups, uncaring whether or not it will be placed on one of the most unstable pair of hands at that exact moment.

Turning back to Jaemin’s current disposition, Renjun’s actually surprised that the businessman is sitting upright despite seemingly drunk into oblivion just moments ago. “Here, drink this first and then let’s talk.” The businessman nodded and took the cup wordlessly. “Be careful- Nevermind.” The doctor tried to warn the businessman but to no avail as the idiot downed it in one go when the tea has been scorching. The doctor leaned back, deciding to just wait for the other to start the conversation when he felt ready.

After ten minutes of uncomfortable silence, Jaemin finally opened his heart. Again. “I like you.” He repeated. It sent Renjun blushing and his heart is beating furiously but he merely coughed and urged the other man to continue. “I got _that_ part. Clear up the last one.” Jaemin seemed to be uncomfortable repeating his earlier declaration but one raised eyebrow from the doctor sent him blabbing. “ _I’m no match against Lee Jeno._ ” He repeated with a much tinier voice. The doctor did not miss it though and sighed. “How on earth have you managed to conjure such an absurd idea?” He crossed his arms in front of his chest and scooted a little further from the other male. ‘ _We might be over the phase of civility but he still reeks of alcohol and tobacco. I feel like I’m getting a massive headache._ ’

The businessman doesn’t seem to be sober enough to realize this though and continued on staring at his lap, eyes downcast and his lips overturned. “He’s intelligent, extremely handsome, calm, rational, and most of all, he can catch up with your intellectual capabilities.” By the end of the other’s little rant, the doctor’s jaw slackened and dropped at the absurdity of the whole situation. ‘ _To hell with it._ ’ Going against his better judgement, he scooted closer and gave the businessman a hard whack on the back of his head. “And _he’s getting married_. For goodness’ sake Na Jaemin, did you actually thought that _I like my best friend_?” After getting a slow and sad nod in response, the doctor sighed.

Scooting closer, he gently took Jaemin’s face into his hands. ‘ _He smells absolutely horrible but who would have thought that his face is extremely small?_ ’ Coughing himself out of his _inappropriate_ thoughts, he looked at the man in front of him straight in the eyes. “Look at me when I’m talking.” He felt his cheeks redden at his uncharacteristically bold move but paid it no heed as his thumb swiped across the businessman’s cheekbones. He dropped his hands as he received a surprised nod.

“First and most importantly, implant this inside your wild mind Jae, _Lee Jeno is marrying Lee Donghyuck in less than five months_. I have no plans of wrecking those two. Heck, I’d rather die than even conjure an idea even remotely close to that.” Renjun felt like retching at the thought of doing something immoral like that. Especially towards his best friends. He shuddered. “Second, he is _my best friend_ and Donghyuck is too, what you are implying is practically incest. That’s absolutely horrendous.” He rolled his eyes but gazed gently at the other man who bit his lips in anxiety. The doctor chuckled and caressed the other man’s hair in an attempt to comfort. It did its job.

After a quiet fifteen minutes, Renjun felt his exhaustion come back once more, weighing his eyelids down. ‘ _It must be the constant overtime I am taking to cover up for Dr. Shim. That old man is a real pain in the arse._ ’ He thought glumly as he rubbed his eyes. Looking at his large analog wall clock which points at ‘3:50,’ he looked at the other man who is still deep in his thoughts. ‘ _So much for being drunk and wasted._ ’ Shaking his head in resignation, he tapped the other man on the shoulder. “Let’s sleep already, I have to get up in like two hours for work. Just go into the first room you open in the right wing of the house.” The doctor rubbed his eyes once more, trying to stave off his sleepiness even for just a few more minutes.

“Can’t I be with you?” Jaemin did not move from where he’s seated though. Instead, he looked up at Renjun, looking like a dejected puppy. ‘ _Oh no, oh no no no no. You cannot use that on me. That’s foul play!_ ’ “No! Absolutely not! Stop crossing the line Na!” The doctor exclaimed, flabbergasted at the suggestion. He turned around, hiding the nth blush he is sporting within the hour. Deciding to just let the other man be on his own, he started to strut back to his room when a low plead stopped him in his tracks. “Please?”

The doctor sighed, fully aware that he lost this mental battle. ‘ _I never really had it in me to reject him in the first place._ ’ Turning around, he nodded exasperatedly. “Sleep on the floor. Go to one of the guest rooms and get a futon; I’ll leave some pillows and blankets for you on the ground.”

It scared Renjun to bits seeing how Jaemin beamed within a split second and skipped happily towards one of his guestrooms. ‘ _Just what on earth have my mother dropped on my life?_ ’

 

 

 

Painting never failed to ease him into calmness especially before deadlines. Living in constant stress is not a good thing so Renjun always makes time to paint his worries and problems away after he finished everything that needs to be done. Even after he graduated and started working, he persisted on his habits and installed various painting rooms in his houses. It never failed to calm him down.

Well, until now, that is. Painting can only do so much especially when two people kept on breathing down your neck and watching you with raised eyebrows. Having had enough of it, the doctor placed down his brush and easel and looked at his best friends in exasperation. “Would you please stop pestering me? My latest Moomin painting is not turning well because you two are being insufferable. What is it that you want?” He raised an eyebrow as his two best friends back down on their seat with their hands up in the air in mock surrender.

Crossing his hands in front of his chest, Jeno sighed. “I can’t accompany Hyuck in cake tasting anymore; I feel like my tongue’s going to fall off with all of the sweets he’s shoving down my throat.” The pedia shivered at the memory when his fiancé just shrugged smugly. “I’d love to shove something else down your throat if you weren’t such a rude bastard while we were out. This asshole just insulted two out of three pâtissiers just because he’s an uncultured swine.” Donghyuck grumbled and scooted away from his to-be husband. Jeno seemed affronted upon the remark but made no movement to rebut nor show his emotion.

‘ _It’s physically hurting me how these two are bound for break-up even though it’s months before their marriage._ ’ Renjun shook his head and scoffed at the two. “Alright, I’ll accompany him. Fix this little fiasco of yours first; it’s childish. You two are turning thirty for goodness sake. You’ve been together for almost ten years as well. Yet here you are, at each other’s throats just because of cakes.” He chastised his friends who remained unmoving. Seeing how the two won’t do anything to fix their petty argument, the psychiatrist sighed and rolled his eyes exaggeratedly.

Jeno is usually calm, rational, and is not easy to anger. That is when there is no Donghyuck in the equation to rile him up. The slightly younger male, on the other hand, is a ticking time bomb. If the pedia is the moon, then the guidance counselor is like the sun. Nobody can resist this urge to revolve around such bright and enthusiastic entity; even Renjun found himself slowly gravitating towards the younger and he’s not complaining.

Donghyuck, in Renjun’s not-so-humble opinion, used to be the last person he’d consider to be fit as a counselor. He has a short temper and short patience. The younger is loud and highly opinionated. But then, nobody really ever thought that he’d be so passionate about helping problematic children. He’s still highly opinionated but nobody could currently deny that he’s one of the most compassionate people around. He’s a good listener as well.

Renjun saw his two best friends get together and fight their way to the smallest of matters. He knows how much shit the two threw at each other and he knows that their current argument isn’t something the two would usually argue considering how they had their fair shares of petty arguments over the years. At least, Jeno wouldn’t look so affronted at such a harmless remark from his lover. In the end, the psychiatrist has had enough of the two’s silent treatment and decided that they needed intervention lest it all end in break-up five months before their wedding.

“Alright, that’s it. Jeno, go to guestroom number 3; Hyuck, you go to my room. I want you two in different wings of my house in three minutes. Go.” He glared at his best friends who immediately followed his instructions without further ado. ‘ _Looks like you’ll be put off to another time Moomin._ ’ He sighed and gave his painting one last look before stretching to get ready for battle.

He decided to enter his guestroom where Jeno is currently in. The guy was merely behind him in terms of overthinking and most of the time, his conjured _totally rational_ solutions irk Donghyuck because the latter can perceive it as insensitive. Entering the room, he’s not surprised to see that his friend had already lit a cigarette. “Hyuck will get angrier the moment he got whiff of that tobacco.” He remarked gently, no bite in his voice. This made Jeno pause in his movements and with a resolute sigh, he decided against smoking and turned out the fire on a nearby ashtray. “And yet you have countless ashtrays inside your houses.” He remarked back, an eyebrow raised at the psychiatrist.

Renjun grinned. “Well, in preparation for visitors who smoke. I’d like to try acquiring a lung cancer from third-hand smoking, I think it’s quite interesting.” He joked which earned a glare from his best friend who took a seat on the bare futon. “Don’t joke like that.” Jeno seemed to be regretful seeing his best friend bite his lips. With a sigh, he patted the spot beside him. “Just don’t.” ‘ _I almost forgot, he lost his mother to one when we’re fourteen. You insensitive bastard._ ’ Renjun chastised himself.

Deciding to focus on the matter at hand, he coughed and looked straight into his best friend’s eyes. “So what’s bothering you?” It was barely five words but it broke all the walls Jeno must have been building these past few months. “Do I even deserve Hyuck?” The pediatrician’s eyes are downcast, he kept playing on his fingers and Renjun could sense all of the insecurities slipping from the man’s sweat glands even from a mile away. ‘ _Must be why he’s so rigid and guarded these days._ ’

“What made you think that way? Isn’t he marrying you?” Jeno slowly nodded his head, eyes still downcast. “I’m aware of that and I’m being irrational right now, but, you know Hyuck; _he’s just perfect_.” There’s adoration in his voice and a small smile can be detected at the corner of his lips. It quickly vanished as soon as it came though. “And that’s the problem. _He’s too perfect for me_. He and his little imperfections; that flaring temper of his especially towards you, his overwhelming affection. Jun, what do I do? He’s too perfect.” Affection and adoration is dripping from every single word that Jeno utters. Had the other been not his friend, he would have vomited due to the overwhelming affection his best friends have for each other. ‘ _It still doesn’t answer my question._ ’

“So what’s the problem now? What triggered you back into that thick walls of yours?” At this, his best friend sighed and returned on fiddling with his fingers. “It’s pathetic and petty; you’ll laugh at me.” Renjun rolled his eyes but decided to bit back a retort from escaping his pretty lips. “Lee Jeno, your feelings are valid. It doesn’t matter how irrational you think they may be, _it’s totally normal_.” He placed his hands atop of his best friend’s cold ones.

“I saw him talking to a guy back when we were cake tasting.” Jeno started, his lips already trembling. Renjun encouraged him to continue further with a smile and a light tap on the former’s hand. “It was the pâtissier at that bakery but I can see how much fun they were having talking about cakes. It made me realize how incompatible I am with him. He can’t even share much of his interests with me because he knows that I wouldn’t understand nor do I have any interests in those.” Tears started streaming down his face but he tried to keep them at bay by harshly wiping them off. “I can’t believe that because of cakes I realized how much Hyuck is holding back. What if because of our marriage, our will-be family, he won’t get to do whatever he wishes? _What if I am an obstacle between him and his unrealized potential?_ ”

He engulfed his distressed friend into a gentle hug. “Oh dear Jeno. You should have talked to Hyuck about this. We both know that that is not true. He loves you as much as you love him. He’s not talking about pastries, sweets, and other things he likes because he loved talking with you about things you _both_ like. I also know that you do as well. When the two of you are together, you barely talk about medical terminologies, rather, you talk with Hyuck about that child you had to coax into vaccination and you know what? It’s alright. You have plenty of time to talk about your likes and dislikes into your marriage. You two idiots have been too busy fighting anyways in your almost ten-year relationship to actually talk like civilized beings.” He caressed the younger’s head as he chuckled seeing the distressed and child-like state his best friend is in. ‘ _Ah, even the great Lee Jeno crumbles upon the presence of the love of his life._ ’

Renjun is happy that even after almost twenty years of friendship with Jeno, the slightly younger man is still the same puffy child from before. ‘ _The last time he cried in my arms is when his mother passed away. He really have grown so much yet still remains to be that overthinking child from years ago._ ’ Among them three, Jeno is the one who cries the least whereas Donghyuck cries the most and Renjun is a close second (which he refuses to admit). The pediatrician will hold everything in with a smile until it just erupts. Since the youngest of the three is fiery, Jeno must have figured that staying level-headed is best in order to keep track of everything. He’s like the two’s gentle bodyguard ready to restore peace and order. Renjun figured it must have been since his mother died and his father needed someone to rely on from time to time; little Jeno must have figured out that he needed to be a non-fussy teenager.

After calming down, the younger broke from the hug and coughed. Renjun merely laughed at the attempt to gather his pride back. “Jen, you lost your pride in front of us, stop trying hard. You don’t need to try hard, at least in front of us.” He smiled gently.

The pediatrician nodded and stood up. “I’ll talk to Hyuck. _Thanks Jun_.” He ruffled the elder’s hair before exiting the guestroom, probably on his way to Renjun’s room where his fiancé currently is. ‘ _Ah, my child is finally all grown up. He is finally leveling up from his emotionally constipated phase._ ’ He looked at his phone to check the time only to be surprised seeing Chen Le call him. ‘ _Odd. This idiot never calls me on his own; it’s always either through mom’s or Dejun’s phones._ ’ With furrowed eyebrows, he swiped the call. “ _Hey Lele! Why are you calling him?! You idiot!_ ” He heard Dejun in the background screaming. “So what?! Jun deserves to know whatever shit is going down right now!” Chen Le boomed through the speaker, causing Renjun to flinch away. Having had enough, he decided to make his presence known. “Hey idiot, why on earth are you two bellowing each other?” He sassed.

“Junniieee!” ‘ _Wow, I totally did not expect that._ ’ “What now Lele?” He decided to play cool despite the smile that totally brightened up his face. ‘ _This idiot is all grown up but he’s still quite cute. He really is my brother._ ’ “I know that Jaemin and I are close friends,” the younger started, “and I really love him.” he continued which earned a chuckle from the doctor. “But you are my brother first and IjustsawhimwiththatbitchKwonandtheyweresuckingfaces!” “ _Lele!_ ” Dejun screamed in the background.

It was vague and said hurriedly, probably due to fear and anxiety from the younger, but Renjun heard it all just fine. ‘ _So he’s locked lips with that demoness? So much for liking me Na._ ’ “Oh Lele, why have you called only to tell me that?” He acted nonchalant despite the clenching in his chest. “Because it’s Nana?” The younger muttered from the other line, obviously confused at his calmness. ‘ _It’s useless to exert energy over useless matters._ ’ “Dear brother, _I don’t care_. So stop being anxious there and tell Dejun to stop overreacting. _I don’t care_.”

By then, he was gripping his phone hard as he try to fight back tears which are starting to pool in his eyes. “Huang Renjun, are you alright?” By then, the one who’s talking is Dejun, his voice full of concern. He smiled at the gesture as the first batch of tears started trekking down his face. Swallowing back the lump in his throat, he chuckled through the mic, “don’t worry, I’m fine. Why shouldn’t I be? Just leave the poor man alone with his date. I’ll be going, I still have to check the recent report which Mark just sent me earlier. Bye.” He lied through his teeth.

‘ _So much for liking me. So much for coming into my life._ ’ Renjun bit his lips as he closed his eyes, clutched his chest, and sobbed a silent cry. ‘ _It fucking hurts._ ’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! So, here’s an early update for y’all because I wouldn’t be able to update on Sunday. This is also like, veryyyyy long. I cannot remember how this came to be, but yeah. This is actually 1k words more than my usual update, so that's a big upgrade. (I hope I wouldn't have a hard time reaching such a number next week.)
> 
> Thank you very much for continuing on enjoying this fic despite it finally reaching the arctic with how drastic it is becoming (ugly sobs here). Thank you very much for the 183 kudos! You are all giving appreciation towards this fic more than I could ever hoped for T.T. Thank you all for being such lovely people!
> 
> Again, I hope you all enjoy this chapter, feel free to leave keyboard smashes! They are highly encouraged. Feedbacks especially criticisms are highly welcomed as they might or might not shape not only how the story progresses but on how I can improve certain aspects of both this fic and my writing as well. 
> 
> If you’re too shy to leave a comment here, feel free to drop by my DMs at @LeilaLynn_. So, until next week? <3


	13. I'm seriously not getting married - Devastation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's just sad.

‘ _Shit I fucked up, I fucked up big time._ ’ Running a hand on his tousled locks, the businessman bit his lips as the beautiful receptionist shook her head, yet again, indicating that the psychiatrist hasn’t come in that day as well. “I’m really sorry sir, it looks like he’ll be gone indefinitely.” The receptionist, Irene, offered him an apologetic smile after noticing his disheveled disposition. Jaemin nodded understandingly but huffed in disappointment, towards himself, after he turned around and resigned to his fate once more.

It has been four days since the doctor had suddenly gone MIA. Although he’s confident the man has filed an official leave, the feeling of being trapped and suffocated is always surrounding him considering how he’s the reason for all of this chaos. ‘ _I shouldn’t have partied that time. I felt off that day, I should have listened to my instincts and stayed home._ ’ He groaned as he placed a palm over his head, halting in his tracks due to another onset of headache threatening to pound on his head. ‘ _It’s your fault anyway._ ’

As he reached his car, he wallowed in his thoughts, regretting every choice he made in his life which led to that particular moment. Everything is a darn understanding but he knows that he should have detached as soon as the woman sat on his lap, but no, being the natural flirt that he is, he just had to entertain the newcomer despite his brain screaming that the woman is a code red. ‘ _I really am an asshole._ ’ He kicked and slammed his hands on the steering wheel.

His phone was ringing and he felt tears sting his eyes after seeing the caller I.D. With no hesitation, he received the call, thousands of apologies flowing from his mouth. “I’m very sorry Donghyuck. I broke my promise. You and Jeno can come beat me up now, I’ll go to you-” “Oh do shut up Na Jaemin, let me speak first.” He was harshly cut off by the other man. ‘ _Well, I do deserve more hostility._ ’ “First and foremost, _I am very disappointed in you_.” And the manner in which it had been said added even more intensity to the notion, and Jaemin forlornly nodded along his head, accepting the fault as one hundred percent his. “However, it’s not really your fault. You may have some hand in it, but the blame is not a burden solely yours to bear.”

Jaemin doesn’t know what to do after hearing some semblance of understanding and sympathy laced in the other man’s voice. A little relieved, certainly, but more of grateful and overwhelmed after plastering it in his head that what he did was unforgivable.  “You’re still an idiot but we’re facing a real-life anaconda here, so your only crime was consenting to her mischief. Don’t worry, think of it like murder, you’re merely an accomplice, you’re not the murderer.” The businessman doesn’t know how to feel about that. ‘ _Am I supposed to feel even more relieved? Because I sure as hell don’t considering how extreme that analogy was. It’s that bad?_ ’ His worries were appeased as soon as it came with another statement from his batchmate. “Don’t think of that seriously. Anyhow, I called because I want to ask you, what’s your plan now? I’m not angry at you or anything, although Jeno’s murderous right now, but Jaem, I’m worried for Jun. You’re not really great or anything but for some unexplainable reasons, you managed to worm yourself into his life. That jerk’s a secretive little shit but I know you’re important to him, so I want to ask you, what is Huang Renjun for you?”

It made Jaemin’s breath hitch for a split second. Huang Renjun, is certainly not everything for a grown ass man like him. He’s not his world, not the center of his universe, not the lifeline to his empty shell. For his constantly lonely being, his introduction with the doctor is like an introduction to a kind of beam of light which he has never thought he’d ever have a glimpse of. He filled his void not by himself but by incorporating other people and aspects which Jaemin hasn’t developed nor would have developed on his own. ‘ _Shit, it is this serious huh?_ ’ Unknowing of the sad smile painted on his immaculate face, he answered the hanging question in the air. “He’s not everything but that essential something.”

“You’re still not off the hook Na but I can feel how much you cherish my idiot of a best friend.” This time, it was not Donghyuck on the phone. The businessman turned rigid knowing that it’s Lee Jeno on the phone. “So we’re inviting you to our engagement party on Saturday. Use it as an opportunity to talk with Jun although we cannot guarantee it will turn out successful.” ‘ _I got jealous with him over nothing. I really am an idiot._ ’ “Thank you Jeno, thank you very much.” Was the only thing he could come up with due to the overwhelming amount of emotions swirling inside him.

“It’s alright to fuck up from time to time Na, just don’t let those mistakes eat you.”

 

 

 

Keeping a collected façade, he offered a smile at everyone before taking a seat beside his eldest brother. He offered a respectful bow to the woman in front of him and a curt nod at the man who looked so ready to jump out of his seat and jump on him. ‘ _Keep yourself together Huang. Don’t give anyone a peek at your gaping weakness._ ’ He tipped his head at the other guests. ‘ _Why the fuck do they felt the need to gather like this? Those two are gonna get it, I swear._ ’

Jeno and Donghyuck sat beside each other on the head of the table looking absolutely happy and glowing together. ‘ _I’d say absolutely disgusting but they deserve it anyway._ ’ He thought bitterly as he opted to grab for the champagne in front of him instead of his silverware when the clanking emerged. “You lost a lot of weight Jun.” He heard Guanheng remarked beside Dejun. He merely tipped his glasses amusingly as he asked a server for more champagne. He felt piercing glares from all directions but he paid them no heed.

“Renjun, you haven’t eaten anything decent for one week, stop downing alcohol like water.” He felt somebody tap his shoulders from behind and he’s not even surprised Jeno took it upon himself to intervene. Squinting his eyes, he tsk-ed and put down the glass resolutely. “Don’t give people any reason to focus their attention on me.” He chastised with a low voice but authority can be felt the same. His best friend rolled his eyes but backed away anyway and returned to his fiancé.

“You shouldn’t have been harsh to your best friend. This is their engagement party, yet, they’re going out of their way just to ensure you’re not dead.” He waved his hand submissively at his brother’s scolding. He felt a bit guilty but the alcohol in his system prevents him from actually basking in that remorse. “I know, I just needed something to keep me in this forsaken seat for at least an hour because I swear Dejun, I almost bolted out of this heavenly reception the moment I saw that bastard’s crown.” He giggled under his breath and let his head drop on Dejun’s shoulder because of drowsiness. ‘ _This is why you shouldn’t have chugged down alcohol for a whole week when you know you’re not good with alcohol._ ’

He then noticed that Chen Le is beside him so he detached himself from his eldest brother to bug the younger. “Lele~” He whined and latched himself on their youngest. “You grew up so cutely. Jisung too but it’s such a shame that he’s always away for work.” He pouted. The youngest seemed appalled at his sudden clinginess because Huang Renjun is known for his sarcastic and stoic demeanor, so seeing this _subtle_ change threw the younger off-guard. Squinting his eyes, the younger whispered to him. “Just how much you’ve drunk that you’re like this?” Renjun pouted as he gently slapped his brother’s arm, ‘ _I haven’t drunk that much, this little shit._ ’. “Stop acting like I’m a drunkard. I only drank three cups of wine plus that champagne. This is no match to my intake last week. Did you know that I managed to drank seven bottles of soju within a day?” He giggled seeing the flabbergasted expression on Chen Le’s face.

This raised alarms on his brothers who looked at each other and exchanged knowing glances. “ _This is why you shouldn’t have tattled, you idiot! You should have let Jaemin clear things up before reporting!_ ” Dejun texted their youngest who exclaimed silently at the accusation. “ _I love Jaem but I was overwhelmed with anger at the time! I can’t help but side with my brothers!_ ” Chen Le defended himself but cowered after Yangyang’s side glance.

“How much have you eaten his week?” Yangyang inquired Renjun who seemed taken aback. ‘ _At least he’s not acting irrational unlike last time. He really drank so much his baseline has risen._ ’ “Don’t worry about me dear brother, I can handle _it._ ” Then he smiled. Yangyang hardened his jaw seeing how sad that smile is. ‘ _This idiot is suppressing his stomach cramps with painkillers._ ’

Deciding that they have lingered long enough to be considered polite, he took his brother by the arm and hauled him up. “Wha- Yangyang, stop th-” “Shut up, you’ll die at this rate.” He cut off his _unwell_ brother with a sharp glare. He saw Jeno and Donghyuck looking over worriedly so he signaled them that he’ll just call later and received knowing nods in reply. The cause of all this fiasco doesn’t seem to have that much perception though as the two were stopped in their tracks just before they reach the front gate.

Yangyang tsk-ed and rolled his eyes in exasperation. “Injun, can I talk to you even just for a second?” Jaemin pleaded, distraught obvious in his face despite having his dark circles concealed. Yangyang felt Renjun shake in his hold. ‘ _He’s not innocent but he’s not really guilty of what he’s accused of. He’s still not innocent and totally faultless._ ’ “Renjun isn’t really in his right state of mind right now, I suggest you try to talk to him when he’s sober.” He didn’t try to offer the businessman any smile but he’s kind enough not to flip the distressed man upon contact.

His silent threat didn’t seem to reach across as Jaemin moved to reach Renjun without precursor. “Please Injun, a minute would be fine. Please let me explain.” Aggravated at the obvious insensitivity, Yangyang harshly pulled back his brother’s hand and glared at the businessman. “ _I told you_ , _talk to him when he’s sober_. My brothers and Jeno and Donghyuck might not be angry at you but I’m not as compassionate and understanding as they are. Don’t push your limit and let Renjun take his time.” Jaemin seemed appalled at his sudden outburst considering his usual bright and carefree demeanor.

The two brothers exited the house and got inside Yangyang’s car. “Don’t worry about your car, Dejun will take it later, just take a nap or something.” He remarked stoically seeing a streak of worry pass through his brother’s face for a split second. Renjun nodded his head once his seatbelt was on. “Thank you, Yang. If you weren’t there-” “If I weren’t there you would have pushed yourself to do something you weren’t ready for. Then you’ll be extremely conflicted, you’ll forget to eat, _again_ , then we’ll end up back at the ER, and this time, _again_ , you’re not the attending physician.” Yangyang harshly cut off his brother as he maneuvered the car out of the parking lot. The doctor hung his head and bit his lips in silent resignation.

As soon as they were out on the highway, the slightly younger of the two opened the conversation again. “You don’t need to force yourself to understand him. It’s alright to be angry.” He remarked without glancing at his brother, whom is most probably still fiddling with his fingers, knowing well that the slightly elder is drowning in his thoughts of _needing_ to be the bigger and understanding person among all. ‘ _How suffocating._ ’ “But _I have to_. I have to.” He heard a low mumble, causing him to release a frustrated sigh. ‘ _This and this whole idiotic notion of being refined is making me sick._ ’ Seeing a rest stop along the way, Yangyang pulled over after deciding that the idiot really needs to fill his stomach for he’s ninety-nine point nine percent sure that Renjun hasn’t eaten anything apart from alcohol that day.

His brother remained unmoving in his seat despite having already arrived at the rest stop so the slightly younger of the two took it upon himself to hurl his brother up gently. “I’ll throw you against a pit of fire if you don’t move your ass.” Yangyang threatened but there was no bite in his words. Surprisingly and fortunately, Renjun removed his body from his brother’s hold and walked towards the McDonald’s ahead. ‘ _That certainly isn’t what I had in mind._ ’ Yangyang stared forlornly as he kept on side-eyeing the French restaurant a stalls away from the fast-food joint but he merely resigned to his brother’s choice and followed suit.

His hope that blossomed in him which entailed that Renjun finally eats was thrown in the gutter as he saw the doctor plopped on one of the seats of the noisy environment. ‘ _So I have to order._ ’ After ordering a large Big Mac, two large fries, and a large cup of orange juice, Yangyang settled himself with his fries in front of his brother who took a large bite on his Big Mac. “You should have ordered a large coke-” “Jun, do you want stomach cramps right here and now?” He snapped at his brother who lowered his gaze and body and shook his head as he timidly took another bite of his Big Mac while taking some fries.

After some considerations, Yangyang decided to break the silence between the two of them. “I never knew I would live the day in which you’ll be able to handle your liquor.” The remark is meant to be passed off as a joke but the sadness in his voice and face tells otherwise. Renjun looked up from his nearly finished Big Mac and gently placed it down before offering an equally sad smile at his brother. “Well, I never thought I would live the day in which I would have a _repeat_ of my previous mistakes.” He looked down once again. ‘ _He’s looking down awfully a lot today and I haven’t seen him for more than a week._ ’ The slightly younger of the two thought worriedly.

Yangyang did not miss the underlying meaning hidden in that simple response though. ‘ _A repeat?_ ’ This raised red flags inside his brain but he decided to let it go. ‘ _Maybe later._ ’ He continued on eating his greasy fries. “Release your anger. Don’t let it out on yourself.” Renjun laughed bitterly, head thrown back, either in mock or pure amusement. “In here? ‘Cause that’s surely inappropriate.” He chastised and took a large gulp from his orange juice. Yangyang rolled his eyes and wiped his greased hands on a napkin. “ _You know well what I mean_.”

The way Renjun’s jaw hardened as his eyes turned glassy did not escape Yangyang’s sharp gaze. ‘ _He’s preventing himself from crying. Well done Yang, you’ve just cemented yourself on the highest prize of being a jerk in your family._ ’ Turning soft, he placed a hand over his brother’s which was placed in the table. “I’m sorry, that’s insensitive of me. However, I can’t really take it in me to let you handle this on your own when your judgement is clouded. _You have to stop self-destructing_. You’ll definitely get offended, but as your brother, I am utterly concerned how you handle your emotions. Do you think this is the way to handle your emotions?” He was heaving by the end of his statement but he’s glad he managed to prevent himself from bursting out dramatically.

Renjun seemed taken aback but Yangyang’s glad the slightly older male is not taking offense like he usually would and is simply smiling gently at him. “Thanks for the heads-up Yang.” He did not answered the youngers’ statement overtly, but Yangyang knew, he’s certain, ‘ _Renjun will be alright._ ’ And then that mischievous grin was plastered on the slightly elder’s face; Yangyang squinted his eyes in suspicion. “You really have grown up. I remember how you were this rude little shit before-” “Uhm, you’re obviously shorter than me-” “-totally irrelevant, but look at you now! You’re the one giving me advices and being concerned, oh my goodness, Simon, he’s grown-” “Oh shit, here we go again.” Yangyang groaned as Renjun erupted into a dramatic mock-soliloquy.

‘ _He’ll be fine._ ’

 

 

 

Looking around at his place, a smile erupted seeing how he managed to pull himself together after ten days of destructive behavior. The doctor took a sip of his Chamomile tea and grinned as he leaned back on his couch, absolutely satisfied for pulling himself out of misery. ‘ _I’ll go drop by Yang’s restaurant one of these days._ ’

After that uncanny conversation with Yangyang back in McDonald’s, Renjun decided to finally throw his empty liquor bottles as well as the humongous stack he had bought from the week prior. He also decided to officially enjoy his leave by finally closing his computer and setting aside his papers which he had been so engrossed in the past week. ‘ _I stank but nobody could deny that it was impressive how I finished all those papers and cases while being drunk into oblivion._ ’ He thought smugly while basking in the aroma of the tea as well as the early morning sunlight.

His doorbell rang and he placed down his teacup gently to open the door. It revealed an obviously distraught Jaemin whose eyebags occupied half his face and locks were obviously unkempt. Renjun chuckled and let in the guest he called half an hour ago. “Let’s talk Jaem. Like actual, intellectual adults.” He offered a smile. The now brunette released a sigh of relief. “Thank you for giving me this chance.”

‘ _It’s still making me feel pathetic and absolutely terrible, but at least I have to know the whole story. To end these demons gnawing inside me, probably, but in order to appease the holes in the narrative more so._ ’ “Truth hurts but knowledge, as double-edged it may be, is still a sword.”

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 Extra:

Seated in the swings in the playground not far from Renjun’s residence, Jaemin pouted as he can no longer hold in the question that has been bugging him for weeks. ‘ _He’ll probably think lowly of me though, acting like an affected teenager when the topic hasn’t been brought up._ ’ He kicked a pebble as he continued on biting his tongue while his companion was reading something in his smartphone, seemingly totally oblivious with the businessman’s internal turmoil.

It all started when Jaemin saw how much Renjun is ogled at wherever they go by men and women alike. It doesn’t help that whenever he spontaneously visits the hospital, doctors and patients alike are seemingly mesmerized with the doctor as well whenever they pass the canteen. ‘ _How can I even compete against those intellectual moguls?_ ’ He further sank down on his swing. _“Have you heard? President Dong kept on sending him flowers every single day until Doctor Huang have had enough and sent him back countless Marigolds as payback. The president went into an asthma attack after that.”_ He recalled two nurses whispering as he was waiting for the doctor to come back from getting them lunches. ‘ _Even the president of the hospital is a competitor._ ’

“I swear to heavens, Na Jaemin, that if you don’t stop sighing there every five seconds, I’ll throw you to the river.” Jaemin flinched. ‘ _Oops._ ’ He prevented himself from sighing again but still pouted. Renjun sighed and tucked away his smartphone as he eyed the suspicious male beside him. “What’s bothering you anyway?” He inquired, one eyebrow raised.

“But I will sound stupid.” Jaemin pouted further, causing Renjun to roll his eyes. “You have always been an idiot, but do go on. Let’s hear it.” He motioned for the younger male to just get it done with. ‘ _Well, here goes nothing._ ’ “How many exes do you have Injunnie?” The businessman’s voice became timid.

Renjun blinked profusely upon the question. “You do sound stupid but that’s it? That’s what you’ve been worried about for quite a while now?” He looked absolutely done with the man beside him. Jaemin nodded abashedly. Resigning to his fate, he rolled an eye at the younger. “One of course. Isn’t that a given?”

It was Jaemin’s turn to blink profusely in confusion upon the last statement. “What do you mean given?” The doctor raised an eyebrow at him, not getting the implications as well. “Chromosome? A male has single chromosome, so I have the same as you have. Unless you have Klinefelter syndrome. Na Jaemin, everyone knows that.” He squinted his eyes at the younger.

Jaemin can only gape at Renjun. ‘ _Nevermind, I doubt anyone could have kept up with his snarky behavior and obliviousness._ ’ He laughed and shook his head. Renjun was appalled. “Isn’t that what you mean though?” Jaemin just pinched the elder’s cheeks gently and shook his head. “You really are the cutest Injunnie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You must have waited for quite a while, since I've updated quite early last week, so here's Chapter 13 for y'all!
> 
> Also, you must have noticed the little TOTALLY UNRELATED extra bit at the end right? That's a little something I've created in order to show my utmost gratitude for everyone who's reading this and appreciating this. Thank you very much for the 198 kudos! For someone who's not really good at writing, seeing you people leave kudos here and commenting is a great joy to me who's constantly feeling lost; updating this has been one of the few things I look forward to every week as well as reaidng your comments. Thank you very much.
> 
> As much as I am thankful, I am equally sorry as well as I noticed a slight decline in the quality of my chapters - don't worry, this is not a message of hiatus. I am trying my very best though and thank you all for being kind with me especially in the comments. You all are making me constantly giddy, haha.
> 
> So I'll keep this short (obviously, I failed at that *sighs*), do enjoy, please feel free to leave comments (keyboard smashes are VERY HIGHLY welcomed here), feel free to DM me at @LeilaLynn_ as well if you're too shy to post your comment for the public to see, haha. Before I forget, criticisms are welcomed as well. So, until next week!


	14. I'm seriously not getting married - Answers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth can be painful but it never cease to be liberating.
> 
> Alternatively,
> 
> This is basically just Renjun and Jaemin falling beside each other, AGAIN. 
> 
> And some answers.

Well, okay, maybe he’s lying when he announced that he can absolutely do this confrontation. ‘ _Where’s Yangyang when you need him?_ ’ Renjun thought bitterly as he took another sip of his tea. Jaemin has explained his own narrative and the only thing the doctor has offered back is a meek nod before returning into sipping his tea. He’s a little grateful though that despite the impatience the businessman might be feeling, he has decided to let the doctor process everything without showing even a hint of frustration nor impatience. ‘ _Key word being “a little.”_ ’

“I’m sorry Jaemin, but could you do me a favor and summarize everything you’ve just said earlier?” Renjun finally spoke after ten minutes of silence. He gently placed down his pristine teacup and gave a neutral gaze towards the other male. There’s this itch in the back of his head which kept on urging him to pull an understanding and caring person card but he pushed it down. ‘ _Not now Monica, I’m not playing the_ kind _card right now._ ’

Jaemin seemed taken aback and obviously distraught at the notion of repeating the torture he had just endured but Renjun’s glad that the other man didn’t ask anything and just started on repeating his narrative. “It’s my fault-” Renjun waved his hand dismissively at that opening. “We’re past that, just go proceed on your narrative.” Jaemin gulped and tightened his hold on the teacup before nodding.

Taking a deep breath, Jaemin looked straightly into Renjun’s eyes; the doctor bit the insides of his cheeks to prevent himself from flushing nor avoiding the piercing gaze the businessman is giving him. “I went to that party because Hyunjin – Yeji’s twin brother, I’m sure you have met her at that party we went together – invited me. Long story short, I was sitting on a booth as I was not really feeling it in me to dance when I was approached by one of Hyunjin’s subordinates and due to alcohol intoxication, things _escalated_ quite quickly.”

Renjun furrowed his eyebrows at the information. “But you’re not a drunken idiot.” He laid the statement on the table with an impassive expression. Jaemin gulped and looked down, guilty. “I may or may not have had a few _pills_ prior.” “So you’re not a drunken idiot, just an idiotic junkie. Okay, got it.” The sass and sarcasm blew out unfiltered from his mouth.

Jaemin made no move to correct the other man despite not being obviously addicted to substances. He’s downcast though considering how hard he has worked just to break down that tough barrier Renjun had built around himself, only for him to cause tragedy and the reconstruction of such walls, only twice harder to bring down now. ‘ _I deserve it anyway._ ’

After some moments of silence, Renjun finally nodded and downed the last few drops of tea from his teacup. “Thank you for your honesty; you can leave whenever you feel ready.” He smiled tightly as he took his teacup and turned towards the direction of his kitchen. He missed the panic painted on Jaemin’s face but was faced to confront it when the slightly younger male gingerly pulled at his wrist, stopping him on his tracks.

Lifting his downcast eyes, Renjun can see the slight wobble on the younger male’s lips, most likely confused at the direction he’s deciding to go to. ‘ _Who am I kidding? I’m extremely weak for this asshole. I just hope I won’t get blinded by my affections any time soon._ ’ He softened his gaze and gently removed his hand from the other’s grip only to take the younger’s hand in his. “Give me three days Na, I’ll answer your queries then. Just not now. I never believed nor practiced second chances so I have to process everything before coming to a conclusion. Just wait a little bit more.” He smiled softly before proceeding on his tracks.

Jaemin left shortly after that but it cannot be denied how the two were a little bit satisfied with the outcome of their _little_ conversation.

 

 

 

Renjun smiled slyly after Yangyang released another exasperated sigh and turned to him with an unamused expression. Since he had filed an official leave nearly two weeks ago, he had been bored out of his wits that’s why he decided to bother his brother in his restaurant before his flight the next day to Amsterdam after a good chunk of consideration (which is actually him thinking for five minutes where to go and then saw Netherlands then went ahead to book a ticket and hotel reservation within ten minutes; talk about spontaneous).

Yangyang dropped the plate in front of his brother as he looked impassive and took a stool to seat in front of Renjun. “Why do you keep on annoying me here? Don’t you have to prepare for your trip? Like, have you even packed already?” He waved his hands in the air as the doctor started eating the steak the younger made for him. Renjun hummed and swallowed what he was chewing. “I had Lele helped me out last night so everything’s settled now. I always knew he is a good packer, considering Jisung’s profession which entails that the two of them would be packing more than they are together, but I never realized just how much. Like, he managed to downsize my luggage! I swear that child’s a monster in packing.”

The chef laughed good-heartedly as he motioned for one of his assistants to take in charge for a while. “A twenty-eight-year-old man getting called ‘child,’ yeah right.” He retorted which earned a swift glare from his brother. “Chen Le and Jisung are still children in my eyes even when their child arrives next month and nobody’s changing my mind. That reminds me, have you made plans already for the little event we planned?” He questioned the chef who nodded and pulled a paper from his pocket.

“Here are some of the dishes I’ve thought of making for the night. I’ve cut down the dessert choices into two though considering how mother isn’t fond of sweets.” Renjun nodded as he scanned the content of the paper briefly before handing it back. “Just use your judgement, I’m not really suited for that aspect. Guanheng’s doing an impeccable job at choosing the venue and decorations though; I’m glad Dejun never asked for him to stop working.” The doctor sip some of the wine offered by his brother as Yangyang nodded in agreement. “Well, Guanheng would give him the blue balls had he possessed the guts to bring the topic up; you know how scary that man is despite his usually calm demeanor. Dejun kept on joking about making him a househusband but that man won’t ever have the heart to make Guanheng stop his job seeing how gorgeous their wedding had been. Yukhei and Mark are still thanking him five years into their marriage.” Renjun laughed at that.

After calming down, Yangyang crouched and took something from behind the counter. It was a moderately small box and he gave it to his brother. Renjun furrowed his eyebrows and eyes his brother questioningly seeing the red scarf inside. “What is this? You never give gifts outside of special occasions.” Yangyang crossed his arms in front of his chest and shook his head. “It’s not from me, Jaemin asked Lele to pass this to you and then Lele passed this to me to give it to you.” Renjun rolled his eyes as he took the last few bites of his food. “You people just couldn’t give it to me like _normal_ people, could you?” He snarkily remarked which earned a mere shrug from his nonchalant brother. “Jaemin’s one for theatrics, he also told me to give you this note.” Yangyang pulled another paper from his pocket, and this time, it looks like it is a special paper.

The doctor wiped his mouth as he took it. ‘ _Please meet me upstairs. I’ll be waiting. ~ Na Jaemin._ ’ He grimaced as flashbacks of cringy romcoms he was forced to watch came crashing back into his mind. “Do go on, he has been waiting up there for hours. You haven’t given him answer, have you?” His brother squinted his eyes at him. Renjun raised an eyebrow. “Whose side are you even on? I thought you were angry at him?” Yangyang waved his hands nonchalantly. “Lele explained what happened and I’ve accepted that he’s just an idiot.” Renjun further raised his eyebrows, totally unsatisfied with the lackluster answer which he presumes must be exaggerated. Yangyang relented. “Alright, alright. We talked yesterday and although I’m irritated, Lele explained and attested, quite strongly if I may add, that Na Jaemin would never hurt you intentionally.” The doctor scoffed at that but the chef merely nodded and waved his hand. “I thought it was absurd as well _but then_ , the jerk looked so sincere so I kind of relented. Don’t worry brother, if that bastard decided to hurt you once more, I’m going to end him. _I’m good with knives._ ” Renjun laughed at that and thanked his brother.

Deciding that he actually needs to give his response to the other man’s confession and narrative, he dusted the nonexistent dust from his clothes and stood up. “I’m just here if ever something happens; I’ll be ready with my knives.” Renjun chuckled at that and patted his brother’s shoulder. “Don’t worry Yang, I’ll be fine. I’ll crush his brainstem or something if ever he put a toe out of line.” He offered a thumbs up and started trekking the stairs to confront the source of all his emotional turmoil.

‘ _Let’s get this done and over with._ ’

 

 

 

Dejun felt his jaw drop seeing the interaction in front of him. “Dear, close that mouth of yours before a fly comes in.” His husband gently remarked beside him without even sparing him a glance. He abruptly closed it but still raised a shocked finger and pointed it towards his younger brother and his younger brother’s _companion_. “B-but, how?” He tilted his head at his husband. Guanheng just rolled his eyes and popped a mint in his mouth to fight off drowsiness as it was barely five o’clock in the morning and they’ve woken up at three.

The whole gang was there to send Renjun off but they did not expect Jaemin to trudge along not moments later since they’ve settled on the waiting area, walking while pulling a huge luggage behind him. Dejun was irritated and so is Guanheng but Chen Le was loudly cheering beside them while Yangyang merely shook his head. Jeno and Donghyuck offered acknowledging nods towards the man who sheepishly rubbed his nape in something akin to embarrassment.

He turned to look at Renjun who’s beside him only to be surprised by the blush that his brother is hiding behind a stoic façade. “So this is how you made up?” He finally accepted the situation and just turned it into something he could tease the younger about. Once Renjun is back and seated beside them, now with Jaemin in front of him, Dejun questioned the younger of the how’s and why’s. Renjun cleared his throat and refused to look at his brother, opting to look outside. “We kind of settled into an agreement where he triestogainmyfavoroncemore.” He coughed once more, obviously embarrassed.

Dejun furrowed his eyebrows as his brother spoke too fast at the last part of his sentence so he looked at Jaemin who just beamed at him. ‘ _It’s irritating to see him so happy when he just caused a major chaos in my family a few weeks ago._ ’ “Injunnie agreed to give me another chance.” The businessman looked at his brother fondly at that which almost made him gag with how disgustingly sweet that looks. Guanheng took his hand and shook his head, giving him a silent ‘ _don’t further question it._ ’ He did not listen to his spouse as he turned his attention to his brother once more. “But you never give second chances Jun. _Never._ ” This earned a sigh from his husband who dropped his hand.

Renjun reddened further as he sunk on the red scarf he is wearing. “He gave me no choice.” ‘ _The audacity of this little-_ ’ This angered Dejun and he sprang on his feet, ready to throw punches but everybody jumped to hold him down as Renjun pulled Jaemin away. “Dejun! What on earth?!” Renjun shrieked, terror obvious in his face as he clung on Jaemin, obviously fearing for the man’s life.

Dejun was angry but confusion also painted his face. Everyone in the airport is staring at them now and he can vaguely hear somebody call security. He paid them no heed. “But that bastard must have taken advantage of you! My poor, frail, and ailing child-” Guanheng slapped the back of his head, hard. “Idiot, learn to read the context please.” He glared at his husband who remained unfazed and merely stared at him passively. Renjun held a palm when Dejun looked ready to jump once more. “Stop it! I gave him a second chance on my own volition, alright? There was no threatening nor blackmailing that happened! I’m just embarrassed to retell how much I loved the Baby’s Breaths and Dandelions he prepared yesterday! I can’t exactly proclaim that I have been sleepless due to my constant gushing at those pretty flowers- oh no.” Renjun’s face fell down once it dawned onto him that he managed to blurt out his _deepest, darkest secrets_ in the spur of the moment.

Dejun went blank. ‘ _Wait, what?_ ’ “Huh?” He dumbly supplied while Chen Le and Donghyuck were cheering on the background. Guanheng and Jeno shook their heads beside him while Yangyang was holding up his phone, obviously recording, and chuckling. “Don’t worry Dejun, it happened because dear brother is totally smitten with the other man as well. I was there.” Yangyang finally spoke up and cleared the situation. “Yang!” Renjun shrieked while Jaemin was flushing red upon the information.

‘ _At least he’s fine now._ ’ Dejun sighed and detached himself from Guanheng and Jeno’s restrain. ‘ _Ah, he’s finally grown up._ ’

 

 

 

 _Ten-year-old Jaemin beamed as he skipped across the hallway, clutching close to his chest the box of assorted macaroons he bought to share with his ‘_ friends _.’ He’s over the moon whenever he shares and gives with his friends as his mother never failed to remind him to do so, so he hopes that they would like the delicious delicacies he has especially bought from the bakery in front of the school early in the morning._

_He saw the three by the intersection and raised his arm to call them when they’re moderate voices rang across the hall and their words has reached his little ears, little mind, and little heart. The tallest among the three stomped his left foot, startling the smaller two. “Let’s just leave that idiot! I can’t play with him anymore! He’s so creepy and boring and annoying!” The smallest of the three was looking down. “But he keeps on buying us things. Last week, he gave me that expensive Iron Man action figure that even my mother wouldn’t buy me for my birthday.”_

_The biggest boy huffed once more but relented. “I hate it that he’s using his money to make other people hang out with him.”_

_Tears started flowing down his little face and everything turned black._

_He was standing in the middle of the room – the party – and he looked around, eyeing everyone grinding and dancing against each other, he followed suit. He let his body get carried away by the music as his heart beats together with the loud bass. It’s supposed to be fun, it’s supposed to be, but the only thing he’s feeling is a deeply rooted loneliness which kept on gnawing at his insides despite being surrounded by many people. His ‘_ friends. _’_

_These friends who talk behind his back, these friends that merely use him like an atm machine. His friends._

_“I hate it that he’s using his money to make other people hang out with him.” A boy in his class remarked, earning low grunts in agreement. “Well, he’s handsome.” A girl in his class giggled and a few more followed suit._

_Tears started flowing down his little face and everything turned black._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! It's me again! So here's Chapter 14 which is pretty lackluster (I'm deeply sorry for that) but I felt like absolutely necessary in order for the story to progress to how I planned it to. I'm not really fond of how the last two chapters went soap opera so I had to make last minute actions in order to salvage this. I'm sorry if it's not living up to your standards, I'll try to improve it from here on.
> 
> Anyways, thank you very much for giving kudos to this... lackluster work. I don't know if it deserve that 211 kudos, but still, thank you everyone!
> 
> Please never hesitate to comment (keyboard smashes are highly encourage!), and critiques and criticisms are welcomed as it helps me improve (as sadistic as that might imply :( ). You can also find me @LeilaLynn_, so if you're shy here, you can slip in through my DMs or in CC. Lot's of love! Until next week!


	15. I think I might get married: Realizations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Admittance of imperfections and realizations of feelings.
> 
> It's just basically backstories and finally some progress. Like REAL progress.

Panting hard, he clutched his chest as he tried on stabilizing his breath although to no avail. Tears kept on streaming down his face despite feeling like it had been quite a while since he woke up from his slumber due to his haunting nightmares. He grabbed a fistful of his hair and pull at it in an attempt to regulate his breathing. It was futile. He felt helpless.

He was already hyperventilating when a pair of warm hands encircled around him and he was pulled into a comforting embrace. “Nana?” Renjun’s melodious voice erupted through his senses and he tightened his grip and snuggled closer on the other man’s neck as a response. It brought him comfort hearing the intimate nickname from the smaller male. He heard light chuckles from the smaller male. “Had a bad dream?” The doctor inquired and he nodded. “I wish it was _only_ a bad dream.” He muttered under his breath but the soft response did not seem to have escaped the other’s ears.

Slightly detaching from Jaemin, Renjun pulled back and stared at the other’s eyes gently. “Do you wish to talk about it?” The shaken man was hesitant, knowing that he must have awaken Renjun from across the room because of how loud he must have screamed. “Won’t I be bothering you?” He inquired gently. The doctor just smiled and wiped his tear-stricken face with his thumbs and shook his head. “You’ve bothered me countless times before, why not do it one more time?” It did nothing to comfort him. Renjun laughed. “Oh, dear Jaemin, don’t worry, you’re not being a bother. We can just cancel our plans of sight-seeing tomorrow and sleep in.” That did it.

Like an overflowing dam, Jaemin’s repressed emotions came crashing down, breaking him into tears once more. “It was my past.” He begun, his lips slightly trembling as he bit back his sobs. Renjun resorted into caressing his hair both in comfort and signal for him that it’s alright to continue. “I never really had any friend. You know that, don’t you?” He received a low hum in response. He tightened his hug on the smaller male. “Everyone kept on leaving me, everyone kept on using me, am I really that hideous?” He pathetically clung on Renjun, a chocked sob escaping his pretty lips.

Renjun swallowed a sigh that threatened to escape his lips. Pulling back, he detached himself from the younger and cupped Jaemin’s face with his hands. “You can be a handful but you’re far from hideous.” He gently smiled, hoping it could ease even just a little of the younger’s anxiety. He’s not expecting too much. Jaemin looked down, refusing to look Renjun straight in the eyes. “You don’t understand.” He whimpered forlornly. ‘ _How could he anyway, everybody wants to be with him. What does a desirable man like him even knows about abandonment?_ ’

The elder shook his head, letting go of Jaemin’s face and taking the younger’s hands in his instead. He rubbed circles on the other’s palm, hoping that it could calm him somehow. “Somehow, I do.” He gently uttered. Jaemin noticed how dull the doctor’s eyes looked and how tired he seemed to be just at the mere memory of his past. He was taken aback. “Oh don’t look that surprised, you have snuck in on our alumni homecoming, you should have noticed the glares and whisperings.” Renjun joked but there was no mirth in his whole being. Jaemin sniffed and thought back but got nothing. ‘ _I was too preoccupied with him at the time but that Kim Chanhee seemed to had something against Injunnie._ ’ “I can only recall Kim Chanhee.” The elder smiled sadly.

“Let’s just say I was stoned by my whole batch. _Literally_.” The smile Renjun forced looked too painful that Jaemin reached out and held the elder’s hand into his. “I’m not telling you this to earn your sympathy nor pity, I just want to tell you that not everything about me is glamorous. _I’m not perfect_ , Na. I exactly know how it feels to be betrayed. First, it was our father, then my classmates, my so-called friends. I also had people I let down, my mother, Dejun, Yangyang, and Chen Le. If you think that I would brush off your concerns, thinking that those are ‘ _petty_ ’ or ‘ _childish,_ ’ please don’t. I won’t. _I would never_. I will not force you either but don’t think for one second that it’s not worth the time.”

Jaemin took a deep breath. ‘ _He gave me his trust, giving mine wouldn’t hurt. Right?_ ’ All his doubts and hesitation were pushed in the back of his mind upon seeing the gentle smile Renjun is sporting. He bit his lips then closed his eyes. ‘ _Here goes nothing._ ’ “I was seven…”

 

 

 

_He had always been an active and curious child, never hesitating and always running towards the world which he had always viewed as something that is constantly welcoming him with open arms. It had been a sunny day then, not a stray cloud in sight, and Jaemin felt absolutely wonderful that day. He thought that after a long while, everything seemed to be going well._

_He was beaming proudly as he entered the house, ready to boast about the new frog he adopted into his care. He was planning on creating a small habitat in their backyard when a loud crash surprised him, making him lose his grasp on the reptile. Fear shot through his small body knowing what the loud crash might entail as well as the frightened shriek which came not seconds later. He ran as fast as his little feet could take._

_He was not mistaken, seeing the large gash on his mother’s left cheek as well as the terror in her eyes, ‘_ Father’s here. _’ He bit his lips. The man is still yet to notice his presence so his mother eyed him in panic, hoping that he’d get the signal and run away. At least one of them needs to remain unscathed with this new encounter. He refused to understand her implicit message. “Don’t hurt mama!” He found himself screaming when the menacing person started to raise his hand, ready to give a strong blow to the already battered woman._

_He stood between the fiend and his mother despite the gnawing fear in his chest. This would get both him and his mother in trouble again but childish bravery and limited knowledge overpowered his fear. His class just tackled about families and he knows that fathers shouldn’t punch and kick their families, so being the sheltered child that he is, he decided that enough is enough._

_Oh what a huge mistake that is as thirty seconds later, he was on his side, clutching his stomach where his father had just kicked. “Please no! Not Jaemin! Not Jaemin! Just take it out on me!” His mother jumped in as his father made a move to grab his heaving figure, probably for another blow. “This is what happens when you do not educate your children. You kept on hiding him whenever I go home, so look at him, acting like a_ fucking _brat.” The menacing man spat._

_His mother knelt and grabbed the man’s legs, crying and begging. “I was wrong, it was all my fault! Please! Don’t hurt Jaemin! Let him slide just this once! Please!” She kept on crying. It made him cry as well seeing how sad his mother is. Wailing, he crawled and tried to latch himself on his mother who’s also pathetically pleading to his father._

_The man is apathetic towards his wife and son. It seemed to disgust him seeing how much the two loved each other even at the cost of their own. He grimaced and kicked the woman away from him. This increased the wailing from the young child. “Please don’t hurt mama! Please papa! Don’t hurt mama!” Little Jaemin wailed despite the excruciating pain and blooming bruise on his stomach caused by his father. The man winced at the obvious affection and scoffed. “Don’t call me papa.”_

_Without further ado, the menacing man turned around, grabbed the last of his bags together with the passbook to his and his to-be former wife’s joint account and left. From their lives together with their future._

A stark contrast from his shaken disposition from earlier, Jaemin looks blank. He felt _nothing_ , as if void of emotion. He always hated admitting the flaws in his life, thinking that it’d reduce him into an embarrassing mess of snots and tears, but now that he’s actually doing it, ‘ _it seemed terrible in theory._ ’

“We had gone through incredibly rough times for two years then. I was bullied for being extremely poor and fatherless. Mama couldn’t really do much apart from cheering on me and reminding me to always be kind. So that’s what I did, I tried so hard to fit in especially when we finally got back from poverty. Grandpapa and Grandmama as well as Uncle Yuta and Ten pulled some strings in order to help us through. When mama earned a hefty, I started giving my friends gifts, because I thought that was the way to go. I was really happy when everybody flocked towards me. I was wrong though.” He sighed as the memories of his epiphany early in his life resurface. Renjun continued on caressing his locks.

In his defense, he never really thought that he’ll open up with Huang Renjun holding him in his arms while caressing his hair soothingly with a low music playing in the background. ‘ _Is that Oh!GG’s Fermata?_ ’ He smiled as he rested his forehead on the crook of the doctor’s neck. Now with his head quite clear and no longer foggy with emotions, he took notice of the disheveled state Renjun was in.

His staples cardigans, slacks, and ironed shirts are discarded for an old university shirt thrown on top of loose cotton shorts. Jaemin played with the holes on the old and loose shirt which was slipping on Renjun’s shoulders. “Shouldn’t you throw this already? It’s so loose that it kept on slipping from your narrow shoulders.” Jaemin gently remarked which earned a playful scoff from the slightly elder. “First, don’t question my fashion choices. Second, it still fits, and as long as it fits, it’s good to use for another decade. Third, excuse me, my shoulders are _not_ narrow, yours is just abnormally broad.” He did not stop on playing with the younger’s hair. It made Jaemin smile.

After another five minutes of plain snuggling and silence, he deemed himself calm already and detached himself from Renjun who is still sporting a gentle smile. ‘ _I miss his warmth already but it’s inappropriate to continue when I have already calmed down._ ’ “I’m sorry for bothering you and _acting inappropriately_.” Jaemin muttered while looking down and fiddling with his fingers. He thinks he is going to get scolded for being so clingy.

Renjun did none of his worries and merely shook his head before taking his hand once again. “Please don’t be. I’m so proud that you mustered up your courage to tell me _these_.” He beamed at the younger, flashing his pearly white teeth. Jaemin’s breath hitched as he was taken aback both at the display and at the beauty exhibited by Renjun. ‘ _And here I thought he couldn’t get any more gorgeous. Shit, that sounds so cheesy. I’m choking-_ ’

“Come here, lay down. I’ll sing you to sleep.” Renjun fluffed up the pillows and patted on it as he lay down beside it, beckoning Jaemin to do the same. ‘ _I swear, if I didn’t love him before this, I sure as hell do now._ ’

Following the elder’s instructions, he lied down beside Renjun, and all at once, fatigue ate his whole being. Before he decided to let sleep consume him though, he slightly opened his eyes and looked straight at the face of the other man who’s looking at his head while caressing his hair through his fingers. “Injunnie, I think _I love you_.”

He heard something choke before slipping into dreamland.

 

 

 

“Hi there Dr. Huang. It’s strange to see you blooming so early in the morning.” Irene, his secretary, remarked with that smug smile on her face. He rolled his eyes and took the list of his appointments for the day from the woman instead. “So it’s just Mr. Lee’s youngest son in the VIP ward, huh?” He hummed seeing how free his afternoon schedule is. It was Irene’s turn to roll her eyes upon the mention of the man. “To be honest, Taeyong doesn’t really have a problem. If only that old man could accept that he’s an asshole and reform-” “Oi! Watch what you are saying.” Renjun snarled at the older woman.

He’s aware of his patient’s circumstances but he can’t really do much apart from gently talking with Mr. and Mrs. Lee and give them suggestions. He can’t interfere because that’s not how it should be. By the end of the day, it is the parents’ choice whether or not they’ll follow the proposed treatment. “The man you’re badmouthing owns majority of the real estate in this city; you could get in serious trouble if you’re not careful.” He simply stated before entering his office to drop his bag and wear his white coat. He’s not surprised to see another large basket of beautifully arranged flowers on his table though. ‘ _That darn man, bringing bees and insects inside my office once again._ ’

He grumbled and took the basket outside. “Irene, I told you not to let anyone in.” He squinted his eyes at her. The woman shrugged and stared at him passively as well. “It’s the President. What can I possibly do?” “I’m the one paying you for goodness’ sake. At least do me a favor and call the janitor. Tell him to do me a favor and bring it to the church on the next block. Here’s a tip for him.” He handed both the basket and some bills to his secretary.

Irene sighed and flipped her black hair away from her face as she took the money and placed the basket of flowers on the side of her table. “Why don’t you just give the man a chance? President Dong had been pining over you for almost three years now. I believe it can be a tactical move.” She propped her chin on the balls of her palm. The doctor took a seat in front of her, expression passive.

Now that his beautiful secretary has brought it up, the proposition is actually logical. However, knowing his principles and upbringing, it just doesn’t seem right. “I don’t like him Irene. Heck, I’d crush my own brainstem even at the thought of being left alone with him in a room. It’s very uncomfortable receiving his _affections_.” He shuddered at the memory of receiving the President’s fond looks while he was doing their annual report last year. The beautiful woman unconsciously pouted. “But still, President Dong is so infatuated with you. Dang, he’s hellbent on pursuing you despite your countless rejections. He’s extremely handsome as well. I don’t see any cons if you actually give him a chance.”

President Dong Sicheng is a most sought-after bachelor. He graduated as top of his class and became President on such a short period of time. He’s that impressive. Still, despite knowing that it will actually be beneficial for him to accept the other’s affections, it still doesn’t seem right. Sure, his future family’s life is practically set in stone already despite it being imaginary, his future children will be practically invincible, but something still doesn’t seem right. He had considered it before, what with his mother’s countless begging for him to finally settle, but now, something seemed even more off. Then that smiling profile of Jaemin while inspecting Van Gogh’s Vase with Fifteen Sunflowers invaded his thoughts. ‘ _Ah, that’s probably why._ ’ As if he knows, deep inside, that Dong Sicheng might own the world but an idiot managed to creep into his life without him being aware of it nor wanting it the slightest.

Turning to Irene, he smiled. “Guess what? An idiotic capitalist won my affections.” The beautiful secretary gaped at him, totally in disbelief seeing her boss admitting to something that is related to his own emotions.

It’s something new and uncomfortable, what with the uncertainty it possesses, but Renjun thought that he could handle it. ‘ _I’ve experienced too much betrayals in this life anyway. One more wouldn’t hurt._ ’

 

 

 

Jeno is looking at him in suspicion while Donghyuck is disturbing him with that sparkle in his eyes. They are currently having dinner in a humble homey restaurant not far from where Donghyuck is working. The lovers had not stopped in their obvious staring from the moment they sat down in the peaceful establishment. He sighed and rolled his eyes before placing down his fork gently to turn at the two who obviously have questions. “You two are acting strangely, go ahead and shoot. I know you have questions.”

It was Jeno who jumped on the opportunity and he propped his chin up with his hands. Staring calmly at his best friend, he looked through his glasses in his classic ‘ _the world might be crumbling underneath my feet but I have to keep calm_ ’ manner. “First, Na Jaemin. What happened? Dejun and Chen Le barely filled us in because of their limited knowledge and Yangyang wouldn’t open his mouth even if it cost him his life. So how was that Amsterdam trip even conjured? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not angry at Na, it’s just uncharacteristically you.” He finished, still piercing his best friend’s eyes through his glasses. Donghyuck nodded beside him, humming in that annoying manner of his. “Yes, you’re merciless Jun. You never forgive.”

The psychiatrist pouted at the two, totally comfortable with letting loose. “You’re making me look terrible than I actually am.” The two looked at each other before back at Renjun. Jeno shook his head. “No, you’re not really that kind Jun. You never give second chances.” He stated simply, unbothered with the deepening pout and frown on the elder’s face.

Renjun glared at the two but conceded, sighing once more. ‘ _I keep on sighing these days- no wait, I kept on sighing even when I was young. In my defense, living is extremely tiring. Ha._ ’ It was his turn to prop his face on the ball of his hand. He looked out, observing the busy and buzzing night outside the relatively quiet restaurant. “I know. Yang scolded me after we left your engagement party – I already sent you my gift to make up for being a jerk that night – and I actually followed his advice. I thrashed my house that night, releasing all of my pent up anger instead of holding it in and drinking. Then in the morning, I talked with Jaemin.” He started, reminiscing the process of how they made up.

“But it doesn’t explain the trip. Also, you couldn’t possibly have forgiven him just like that?” Donghyuck piped in. Renjun looked back at his anticipating friends. “I just listened to his part of the narrative before deciding that he doesn’t deserve my whole contempt.” A series of ‘ _thank goodness_ ’ resonated in their table. The psychiatrist rolled his eyes at his friends. “So after three days of pondering over it, I decided to _actually_ be the better person and give him a chance to redeem himself. To be honest though, if Yangyang wasn’t in on his little charade, I would be avoiding him still.”

“So the trip…?” Donghyuck repeated. “What’s with you and the trip anyways? You’re so adamant on knowing the why’s surrounding it.” Renjun raised an eyebrow at his friend. “Because it’s fucking cute how Jaemin’s IG feed is full of your pictures!” Renjun scrunched his face in confusion. Jeno sighed in the background. “He’s been extra loud when you weren’t here because of how ‘ _picturesque Jaemin’s affection is_ ’ for you, if I may so kindly quote my lover.” He filled in seeing the confusion in his best friend’s face.

Donghyuck took the liberty upon himself to show the godly pictures taken during their trip to Renjun who gasped in both surprise and embarrassment. ‘ _He likes me this much?_ ’ “See? That feed is oozing affection that it’s making me puke. The captions as well! Look! ‘ _I love Van Gogh’s “Garden with Courting Couples: Square Saint-Pierre” but I guess I’ll love it even more seeing that faint blush in your face after my light remark of courting you under the peaches trees._ ’ It’s so disgusting how you two fit with each other.”

Renjun buried his face in his hands, conflicted and assured. Jeno and Donghyuck looked at each other before Jeno relented and nodded, silently agreeing that it should be him who will ask their friend what’s wrong. “Is everything alright Jun?” Renjun grunted before looking up at them with tears sparkling in his eyes. “Jen, I think I like him and I don’t know what to do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you very much for your love here people! Thank you for the 229 kudos, because really, having that much people reading this appalls me as much as it joys me. Thank you for your kind comments as well as that anon who left a message on CC as well! I replied late to it (because really, the only thing going on with my CC are crows and flies) so thank you very much for going out of your way to leave a message there!
> 
> Here's chapter 15 and I hope you enjoy it. There's so much going on here but I've decided to leave out the trip part as to be honest, I need some research. So the actual trip memoirs and situations will be released next week, after I have gone on one myself. Haha. (It's hard to write something you can't relate to, you see. Lol. :'( )
> 
> Anyways, I hope, again, you'll enjoy this! If you're up for it, leave comments down below and let me know how you feel about this. Keyboard smashes are highly welcomed! They're highly appreciated as well. Criticisms are highly welcomed in this household as well as those help me in improving my craft and can probably improve this to suit your tastes.
> 
> I had a talk with my sister about comments and commenting, so please don't feel daunted to leave one. I'm not pressuring you (lol) but if even a random 'kjdbvdkfnd' is loved. Haha. If you're too daunted here, you can come leave them on my CC at https://curiouscat.me/LeilaLynn_ . You can leave criticisms there as well. Don't worry, I'm not a human, so I won't get hurt... probably? :(
> 
> So until next week!


	16. I think I might just get married

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Too much oxytocin here, beware.
> 
> It's just full of fluffiness and puke-inducing affections.
> 
> Or
> 
> Renjun finally becoming a human with actual feelings.

_Sitting, drinking coffee, and plainly relaxing after a whole day of sightseeing is practically a cherry on top in the picturesque city he impulsively gone on a vacation to. Amsterdam looks beautiful especially as the sun slowly sank on the horizon and Renjun couldn’t be more grateful that Jaemin planned their schedule for the day. It had been absolutely fantastic and enamoring to look and ponder over paintings and architecture throughout the day as well as observing the local dynamics of the place while exchanging amusing anecdotes while slowly walking around the city._

_Taking a bite of his food, he accidentally met the fond eyes Jaemin has kept on him for who knows how long. Blood rushed through his cheeks but he played it coolly as he raised an eyebrow at the other man who seemed to be taken aback. “Be honest with me, how long have you been staring?” He inquired, purely curious despite the deepening of the red on his face. “I-I haven’t kept tracked to be honest.” Jaemin looked down, scratching his head sheepishly and Renjun swore that he wanted to bang his head on the table with how adorable the other man is acting._ ‘He’s twenty-nine for goodness’ sake.’ _He sighed internally._

 _He decided to ignore the embarrassing moment and continued on digging in his dinner when the silence was broken not moments after. “Injun… I want to cross the line.” Renjun’s breath hitched, his hand slackened as his fork dropped loudly on his plate. ‘_ Oh no, oh no, oh no- _’ Jaemin doesn’t seem to notice the internal turmoil going on within the doctor – or he must have just blatantly ignored it – and proceeded on his proclamation. Renjun closed his eyes as the bomb dropped._

_“Let’s date?”_

“And I haven’t given him an answer since then.” Donghyuck looked at him passively, obviously unimpressed, while Jeno offered a sympathetic smile. Renjun groaned and hit himself on his chest. “I’m such an idiot, am I not?” He chastised himself and further plopped on his chair, careful not to hit his plate. “Under normal circumstances, you are certainly not. However, considering how emotionally constipated you can be, yes Jun, you are.” The tan male offered sarcastically but there’s a hint of fondness lurking which prevented Renjun from getting offended.

“Still, the idiot likes Na. You should go tell him that.” Jeno intercepted, carefully eyeing him while taking a sip of water. Renjun lifted his head and blew his bangs away. “As if that’s easy. I can’t just go and say ‘ _Hey Jaem, I like you too and would love to date you!_ ’ out of nowhere. That’s so uncharacteristically me.” He pouted, propping his head on his hand. He saw his best friends share a knowing look before a familiar presence invaded his senses, sending him into a stuttering mess.

“Really? That’s great then!” ‘ _Oh no._ ’ The doctor widened his eyes, turning his head to the source so quick it was almost comical. Jeno and Donghyuck seemed to be having the time of their lives seeing him suffer as the cause of his existential crisis took a seat beside him. So being the wise, understanding, and knowledgeable young man that he is, he did the wisest thing in the situation; _he took off_.

Jeno, Donghyuck, and Jaemin gaped at how fast the eldest flew the moment Jaemin’s arse touched the chair. The lovers shook their heads in amusement while Jaemin pouted and stood again. “I’m gonna go and catch him. See you around.” He waved a little before running as well.

The two looked at each other before laughing. “And to think that he topped the board exam.” Donghyuck remarked lightly. Jeno nodded his head, looking at the direction the two pining idiots had ran off. “Well, Jun’s emotionally inexperienced. He really dislikes the notion of feeling the emotions he observes on others.” ‘ _I just hope that on the second time he decided to feel, the world wouldn’t be as cruel like the first time._ ’

 

 

 

Still panting hard, Renjun plopped down on one of the benches overlooking the river. He catches his breath and tries to admire the night scenery. “I should really thank Lele for all those impromptu jogs he put me under; I was able to sprint out of such embarrassing situation quickly. Good gracious.” He mumbled to himself as he placed a hand over his chest, willing himself to regulate his breathing and heart rate. “Not quick enough though.” He jumped at the sudden intruder.

Before he could even grasp what was happening, he found himself handcuffed to Jaemin who was beaming brightly at him. “What- Na Jaemin! What is this absurdity?!” He was panicking, face beet red and sweat dripping on his nape. ‘ _I did not endure college for ten years for this atrocity!_ ’ “You’ll only run away again and we won’t be able to talk about _our_ relationship.” Jaemin, for the love of the universe, dared to pout. Renjun felt himself get hotter with embarrassment and shame.

Deciding that it’d be futile to further fight back – pulling against the handcuff is painful and plainly dumb –, Renjun slumped beside the object of his affections. ‘ _At least he’s thoughtful enough to keep a one-foot distance from me._ ’ “That’s the problem; I’m not ready to talk about _our_ so-called relationship.” He mumbled, too embarrassed to look at Jaemin so he opted on fixing his gaze on the night scenery. “And why is that?” There’s a hint of pain in the younger’s voice, obviously prepared with rejection despite the both of them knowing that his feelings are reciprocated.

Renjun sighed, closing his eyes as he took a deep breath. “I’m terrible at expressing my emotions and feelings Jaem. The only emotion I’m great at expressing is anger and those that makes up sarcasm.” He looked straight into the younger’s eyes, trying to show how serious he is. “And you know what that entails? It’s a terrible recipe for romance. Our relationship is already doomed before it even started.” The doctor admitted grimly. He can feel his eyes prickling but he held in the tears. ‘ _It’s better this way._ ’

 “Can’t we give it a chance though? The ‘what if’s’ are daunting but I don’t want us to regret, five years from now, how we didn’t even took that frightening one step which might lead us to our satisfaction. I’m not implying that we need each other to feel and be complete individuals, rather, I want to say that although we can be happy on our own just fine, I want to be happier with you. So, would you give me chance to make you happy?” With the conclusion of his gentle request, Jaemin unlocked the handcuff, a metaphor that he’s giving Renjun liberty to decide instead of coercing the other into agreement. Like a matured and understanding adult, he’s actually giving the other a choice. It’s not a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ nor is it a simple ‘I like you and you like me’ and Renjun is grateful for that, no, he’s overwhelmed with affection for the younger man but being a rational and thinking adult, he did not let his affections cloud his judgement.

Jaemin must have sensed his hesitation and took it as a silent rejection. Dejectedly, he stood up, a sad smile playing in his lips. “I knew it.” Tears started pooling in both their eyes as they locked pained gazes towards each other. “At least I tried, so no regrets.” He tried to joke but the pain etched on his face stated otherwise. Renjun bit his lips.

Renjun knows it that despite himself, romance is just out of the equation. His ten-year plan for his thirtieth birthday involves getting another specialization, opening another clinic on a nearby city, buying that summer house he’s been eyeing for some time, pampering his soon-to-be niece or nephew once Chen Le and Jisung’s application for adoption gets approved, and earn a Nobel Prize for a breakthrough discovery which he’s not yet sure what. Romance is not among those. Well, he has thought of it once or twice but decidedly concluded that it’s just not for his competitive arse. That is until his mother decided to get involved and threw a man like this from the left field, rendering him paralyzed.

A man who kept on making him speechless by doing mundane things with such exemplarity. A man who pulled and pushed him out of his shell by merely breathing. A man who’s totally idiotic – by his standards – but he doesn’t wish to go away. A man whose brain stem he wants to spare despite always saying otherwise. A man who’s neither special nor phenomenal but managed to crash every single wall he built for himself. He’s not special but he’s Na Jaemin.

And said Na Jaemin is already a few feet away, his back hunched from the silent rejection earlier. Wiping the tears that started flowing down his face without his consciousness, he ran, as fast as he could, before he made another mistake which might drive away a piece of his heart he had given away, again, without his knowledge. ‘ _I no longer mind whether or not he takes care of my affections, it’s Na Jaemin anyway._ ’

Upon reaching the dejected figure, he engulfed the other in a tight embrace. Jaemin was obviously taken aback and rendered speechless but upon feeling the vibrations caused by Renjun’s soft sobs, he relaxed and detached himself, only to turn around and engulfed the slightly smaller man in his embrace as well. “Romance is beyond me but I would like to try this whole notion because it is with you. However, I cannot promise you that I’ll be a great partner, I would try but I’m not very good at this whole thing Jaem; I might disappoint you.” He mumbled against Jaemin’s chest.

Jaemin chuckled, obviously overjoyed at the notion. “Neither am I very wise in this aspect. However, we’ll both try and that’s more than enough. We’ll try and we’ll talk; we’ll make this work.” He caressed the smaller man’s head before placing a ginger kiss. “We’ll mess up at one point but we’ll talk everything out. We’re fucking adults for goodness’ sake, don’t worry much about it Injunnie.”

And Renjun thinks its wonderful despite the uncertainties.

 

 

 

“I cannot understand why I am the one who’s a blushing mess when this is your wedding.” The psychiatrist grumbled seeing one of his best friends grinning smugly from the mirror. Jeno merely shrugged and continued on looking smug and knowing with his arms crossed in front of his chest. “That’s what you get when you’ve hidden your relationship for a month Jun. Karma is a bitch, isn’t it, Jun?” Jeno turned and raised an eyebrow at his best man. Renjun grunted and merely evaded his best friend’s knowing look.

It’s moments away from Jeno and Donghyuck’s wedding but Renjun found himself getting roasted just because he had forgotten to officially announce his life choice to his family and friends. “Well, Nana and I never really thought about it until you’ve brought it up, so _technically_ , we haven’t hidden anything.” He pouted looking at the ceiling. Jeno, in all his glowing glory, looked surprised at the nickname his best friend and best man uttered. “’ _Nana?!_ ’ Oh my goodness Jun, I cannot believe how whipped you are!” He roared in laughter until he was doubling in his seat.

It is supposed to make him uncomfortable under normal circumstances but the nickname merely brought a smile on his face, still remembering the first time it was introduced to him.

_The two were inside Jaemin’s car, planning to grab dinner after a long conference that Renjun went to. The Corrs is playing in the background, much to Renjun’s chagrin, while they’re chatting about the new addition in Chen Le and Jisung’s little family. There’s not a day little Jinwoo was not pampered by the family and they kept on bickering light-heartedly over who the kindergartner preferred when Mrs. Na called Jaemin._

_“Nana!” She called joyfully once Jaemin answered the call. “Nana?” Renjun mouther, mirth obvious in his eyes and Jaemin merely rolled his eyes at the quiet taunt as he answered his mother. “Yes mom?” “Where are you right now? I cooked a sumptuous supper and thought that maybe you would like to come over? Please bring dear Renjun as well!” She delightedly announced through the speakers._

_Renjun chuckled and announced himself. “I’m here auntie. That’s actually great, Jaemin and I were just on our way to eat dinner and it’s a delight that you’ve prepared so much! We’ll be there in ten!” He claimed, earning a raised eyebrow from his lover but he paid it no heed. “What he said mom, we’ll be there.”_

_After the call had ended, Jaemin opened his mouth to ask about Renjun what the latter had predicted. “My dear Renjun, how did you know that mom’s house is ten minutes away from where we are? Are you really that interested in me?” Renjun was embarrassed but he merely rolled his eyes and coughed to hide the pink that is dusting his cheeks. “Oh do shut up. It’s nothing special, I was just frequenting there the past week because auntie and I had been baking. How about you,_ Nana _? I think that pet name is cute.” He joked back._

_“Call me that then. Be the second person to have my permission to use that name.” Jaemin said simply, eyes never leaving the road but Renjun could see how great of a deal this is seeing the slight red on the tips of the younger’s ears. Smiling, he nodded._

_“Alright,_ Nana _.”_

“Dang, you really are whipped Huang Renjun. Where is my best friend? The sarcastic and snarky little bitch I’ve raised? Give him back, you strange creature!” Jeno animatedly pointed a finger at him, playing a charade Renjun know all too well. Deciding not to let it ruin his good mood, he simply rolled his eyes before crossing his legs and his arms. “Worry about yourself Lee, I’m not the one walking down the aisle in a few minutes.” He snarkily replied.

Jeno seemed unaffected though and turned around back to the mirror where he tried dusting inexistent dust from his coat. “I’ve had enough mental breakdown earlier; I think I’m fine now and won’t barf my nonexistent breakfast on the carpet later. It’s a good thing our parents are superstitious, at least Hyuckie did not see me having a panic attack over worrying about our wedding going wrong.” Renjun rolled his eyes at that. He stood up and walked over his best friend, who, despite claiming that he’s fine, looks anxious as hell.

Placing his hands over the other’s shoulders, he squeezed it, offering a gentle smile. “Jen, it’s alright to be anxious, but both of us know that nothing could go wrong. Dang, you’ve planned for this for a whole year, rehearsed one month prior, and had multiple run-throughs three weeks before. Everything will be alright or else, Donghyuck will go ballistic and we both know everybody’s scared of that. Yes, even the busboys.” He nodded grimly with a smile playing on his face.

Jeno smiled a little but there’s still unease lurking under his skin. Looking down, Renjun can see his best friend biting his lips in anxiety. “It’s totally irrational and unfound, but I just can’t stop thinking that what if I’m not enough? Like, do I even deserve Hyuckie? I mean-” Renjun cut off the irrational babbling of his best friend. “You mean you two are perfect for each other. Jeno, how long have you been together?” He gave his best friend a fond look. Jeno bit his lips as he kept his gaze on his fingers which are drumming against his equally shaking legs. “Officially, five years.” He mumbled quietly. “But you two are practically like an old married couple since you were twenty, so that’s more than nine years. Jen, you’re both in love with each other for almost a decade. You’ve experienced every single turmoil and tragedy a couple can face and your oxytocin are overflowing. I’m not saying everything will be perfect from here on but be rest assured that you two will do fine. You deserve each other so don’t think otherwise and just kiss the living hell out of him later.”

At that, Jeno finally brightened up and mustered a smile. Looking up at his friend, he sought reassurance. “You think so?” Renjun couldn’t stand how much his best friend looked like a kicked puppy so he sighed and stared down Jeno. “I know so. Nobody’s messing this up for the two of you. I swear on the grave of my third-grade puppy that I’ll crush the brain stem of anybody who tries to do anything funny.” Jeno laughed at that as he stood up and hugged his best friend tightly. “Thank you very much Jun. You’re the best.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, first and foremost, thank you very much for the 244 kudos! Like people, this is too much love, I am drowning- 
> 
> Anyway, finally, fucking finally, they ended up together *sighs*, that took 16 chapters! Wooh! That's a long ass ride! Thank you to all who stuck until this point of their story. Thank you for your patience as well as your kindness (with your lovely comments being evidence of this :'( ). You always make my heart swell with your comments and kudos every single week. Like, I'm not even expecting anything more (since it has already been long, not to mention how extremely slow the progress has been and will continue to be), yet, you always surprise me with popping comments on my inbox as well as kudos. You do not know how much they kept on making me happy.
> 
> As you all have noticed, the chapter titles have changed - again - and that's because we're onto another arc of this story. Wait, don't panic, this doesn't mean that this will be dragged for much much longer. I think this will end in August tops. Just a few more drama, revelations, and then we'll finally get that ending (which, I know many of you might have guessed what is already). So spoiler: there are two weddings which this story will encompass and that this is one wedding down. I know that you know whose wedding it is we are talking about *smiles smugly.* After this ends, I have plans of a new fic which will feature MarkHyuck as well as one shots which will take place after the ending of this. They'll be little scenarios encompassing idiocies and domesticities RenMin will embark after the ending. They'll be put in one collection, so yeah. They are actually ideas I have plotted to include here but found them irrelevant to the story arcs, so I'll just drop them there once this finally ends (which probably won't take long).
> 
> Lastly, I would like to apologize if this is borderline becoming late. I also promised the vacation scenario but internet had been a bitch from the past week so I cannot research much about Amsterdam, so the plan was scrapped. I'm sorry if some of you had anticipated that only to be let down last minute :(. 
> 
> Anyways, please do leave your thoughts down there, as always, keyboard are HIGHLY HIGHLY appreciated (I just love them). Constructive critiques and criticisms are highly appreciated and highly encouraged. Don't worry, hate comments doesn't get to me, so don't worry about them and leave your thoughts. (I am an unfeeling alien, you see.) If you're shy, you can leave your thoughts anonimously at my CC here at: https://curiouscat.me/LeilaLynn_ . So until next week!


	17. I think I might just get married - or not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything's going well. Renjun is trying to be a good uncle and he thinks that Jaemin is being an idiot (more like adorable) with the kids.
> 
> Everything should be fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, unbeta-ed.

Renjun picked up the child and glared at his lover. The little boy giggled at the exchange seeing Jaemin hanging his head down in shame. The doctor has so much to say but refrained from doing so as there is a child in their care. Instead, he turned around and went to the bathroom to clean the little child who looped his little limbs around his uncle’s neck. Once inside the bathroom, Renjun grumbled seeing the permanent marker on his nephew’s beaming face. He took a clean washcloth from his bathroom cabinet and proceeded to wet it with water and some soap.

“That idiot, he’s turning thirty, for goodness’ sake. He should now how difficult it is to remove permanent marker on skin!” Jinwoo placed his little hands on his uncle’s face and looked up, quite confused and slightly scared. “Are you angry, Uncle Injun?” The little fella picked up on the name Jaemin deliberately gave him and he smiled softly at the child, placing down the washcloth to hold his nephew’s hands on his face. “Oh no, honey. I’m just quite irritated, although obviously not at you. I hate how Nana drew on your face. With a permanent marker. And I have to clean it because Jisung will have aneurysm once he sees you with scribbles on your face.” He smiled and took the washcloth again to continue on cleaning the little boy’s face. ‘ _Would make-up remover work on these?_ ’

“Uncle, what’s _an-anyu-_ the one which daddy will have if he sees me with drawings on my face?” Jinwoo asked him, pulling Renjun out of his reverie. “Oh? Oh. It’s when the junction of the arteries in the Circle of Willis-” He absentmindedly started but was cut off by a gentle voice from the doorway. “You’re absolutely not telling a five-year-old such jargons, now would you?” Jaemin was there, still looking sheepish, and was holding up a cleansing oil on one hand and cleansing wipes on another. Gently walking inside, he placed the oil and wipes beside the child and took the washcloth from Renjun. “It just means that your daddy might faint due to headache because he won’t expect to see you with permanent marker on your face. Now, palms up.” Jaemin smiled and put ample amount of the cleansing oil on the child’s little hands while also putting some on his. “Now massage your face like this~.” He proceeded on rubbing gentle circles around the child as the latter followed suit.

Renjun decided to take a step back and let his boyfriend clean his nephew up while he got out and rummage the little luggage Jinwoo brought with him from yesterday since Chen Le and Jisung have to arrange some papers in order to finalize their plan of the younger finally settling down. Renjun had the opportunity (or more like the burden) of taking in their child because everybody in his family just had to be busy during that particular weekend whereas he finally had a decent day-off after a while. ‘ _It’s my fault anyway, I took that leave out of nowhere._ ’ He chastised himself internally as he chose a simple yellow shirt and black shorts from the child’s little luggage.

Jinwoo has been a total sweetheart ever since the couple took him in, which was approximately four months already. Renjun will be turning thirty in less than two weeks and the presence of the child had turned some switches inside him which he never knew it _still_ existed (i.e. Being overly doting). “Hun, I’m giving him a bath, alright?” Jaemin called from the bathroom, pulling Renjun out of his reverie. “Alright! Just make it quick, we’re going out for lunch in a while!” He called back as he took towels as well.

He did not immediately return to the bathroom as he had to take a deep breath due to the effect the endearment has caused him. ‘ _Gather your senses Huang, you’re turning thirty in two weeks, yet here you are, blushing over a god darn endearment._ ’ Takin in a large breath of air, he loudly pumped his chest. “You’ve got everything under control Huang Renjun. You _absolutely_ have everything under control.” “What’s wrong?” “Oh my goodness Jaemin! Since when were you watching?” Renjun was clutching his chest in surprised after Jaemin unceremoniously stood in front of him, a worried expression painted across his face.

His lover shrugged but the worry never left his face as he walked across the flat towards where Renjun is standing. “Not for a while. I came out for the towels because you were taking so long. Is something wrong?” He inquired, head tilting to the side as he gently took the towel from his lover’s arm. Renjun shook his head before offering a smile. “It’s nothing, come on, Jinwoo might catch a cold.”

‘ _This is so domestic it’s disgusting. It’s disgusting how I wish to have something like this for myself as well._ ’

 

 

 

Chuckling, Renjun took some napkins and wiped his nephew’s face full of ice cream. “Slow down Jinwoo, you’re going to get it all over you.” Jinwoo pouted but obviously slowed a little bit. The bib placed around his neck was full of ice cream and the couple felt their heart swell at the child’s adorableness. “I’m sorry uncle, I’m just afraid somebody might come take it.” He pouted cutely while spooning the ice cream. The couple looked at each other, frowning at the implication. “Nobody would take it Jinwoo; Nana and Uncle would break their brainstems if ever they dared.” Jaemin offered sweetly with a bright smile.

The threat should have earned a reprimand had Renjun not noticed the child brightening up at the simple reassurance. “You would?” Jaemin nodded. Jinwoo turned back to his uncle, eyes now inquiring. “Uncle, the brain has a stem?! Like the trees and plants in our backyard?!” The child seemed so in awe that despite the slight wince, the doctor chuckled and caressed the child’s face. “Oh honey, no. The brain stem is in charge of our life-sustaining functions. Hm, how do I put this… It’s in charge of our breathing, swallowing, and other functions that keeps us alive. I promise that when you finally enter 4th grade, I’ll teach you all of this, just not now.”

The new found knowledge seemed to disturbed the child as he placed down his spoon and furrowed his eyebrows. “Then if Nana crushed their brain stems, doesn’t that mean…” The couple widened their eyes after realizing their possible mistake. Renjun glared at his love who merely raised his hands in mock surrender. ‘ _As if he’s actually remorseful._ ’ He scoffed internally. “They wouldn’t be able to eat? How horrible! But then, they won’t take my ice cream anymore! Nana! Crush all of their brain stems then!” He beamed brightly at his uncle’s boyfriend.

The two sighed in relief at the naivety of the child. ‘ _At least his childhood is still intact._ ’ Gathering his senses, Renjun returned to the underlying concern implied with the child’s reaction. Gently offering his attention to the little kid who’s happily scooping his ice cream, he caressed Jinwoo’s head while Jaemin placed his hand on top of his, offering a comforting smile. “Jinwoo, earlier, what do you mean when you said that ‘somebody might take’ your ice cream?” He smiled gently at the child who looked up at him with wide eyes.

Jinwoo pouted as he placed his spoon down again, looking down and playing with his bib. “The older kids back in the orphanage used to hog all of the ice creams and candy whenever we have them. Us, younger kids, cannot really do much about it because they are bigger and stronger. It’s very annoying because we have them treats not very often.” The lover look at each other before looking sadly at the child.

Reaching over, Jaemin cupped the child’s little face. “Don’t worry buddy, we can’t really promise that nobody would steal from you now – because there are bullies everywhere, we can promise that whatever they stole, we’ll give back with twice the amount of love. So don’t worry and just eat your ice cream slowly, if you still want some more, we can order a little more.” Jaemin smiled at the child who nodded ecstatically and proceeded on scooping more of his ice cream which started on melting. Jaemin shifted his chair so that he’s sitting beside Jinwoo and started on resuming with his coddling by taking up on the funny story he was telling earlier before desserts came.

Renjun sat back and smiled fondly at the exchange. He can’t say that Jaemin and he are good with children nor do they have the patience which is as long as the Nile River, but he can see that his boyfriend is at least trying. ‘ _More like he’s childish anyway so with just a little push, he’s on the same wavelength with Jinwoo._ ’ He thought sarcastically but there’s no denying of the warmth blossoming inside his chest. “Just be careful with the sweets though, we don’t want to ruin those beautiful teeth of yours, now would we?” He reminded gently which earned a delightful nod from the child.

“Right, don’t eat too much Jinwoo because later, Uncle Injun will cook for us!” Jaemin delightfully piped in, catching Renjun off-guard. “ _What the fuck are you saying Na?_ ” He mouthed angrily at his boyfriend who merely shrugged his shoulders smugly as Jinwoo turned to his uncle and looked up with sparkles in his eyes. “Uncle! You’ll make us that delicious curry of yours?” He was glowing and anticipation can be felt seeping from his sweat glands. Renjun sighed, looking weary. “What’s special with my curry anyway, Jinwoo? It’s just curry mix plus the necessary ingredients, there’s nothing special with it. Uncle Yangyang can make better food. Don’t you want to go to him instead?” Renjun tried deviating from the task because he’s too lazy to make dinner but to no avail, with Jinwoo shaking his head while pouting.

Clutching on his arm, the little child blinked his eyes while looking like a kicked puppy. Renjun snapped his head at his lover who’s smirking smugly at him. ‘ _The audacity of this little shit to teach my nephew my greatest weakness._ ’ “Uncle Yangyang is great but I reaaallyy love your curry Uncle. And papa cannot get the right taste when I ask him to.” The child blinked his eyes for good measure. Renjun knew, there and then, that it’s a lost case. “Alright, alright. Finish your dessert so that we can go shopping as per your dear Papa’s request and then we can go visit Uncle Jen and Uncle Hyuck who are battling with their own child just to annoy them.”

Renjun met Jaemin’s eyes and they both shared a smile. ‘ _Maybe I could have this._ ’

 

 

 

The psychiatrist almost barked in laughter after his best friends dramatically plopped their asses on the couch once the two kids sat together and played role play with the toys around them. The two are merely exaggerating as they love their little one to the moon and back and Seunghye has never really been a troublesome child, in fact, she is such a darling, always quietly playing with her stuffed toys and dolls with their cats.

Turning to his obviously exhausted friends, he raised an eyebrow at them. “So how’s the joy of parenthood?” He teased and was satisfied seeing the fond smiles of the two as they latched on each other and looked over the two children who were running around with Bongshik, Seola, and Nal hot on their tails. “It’s hard, having to adjust your schedule and worrying about going home. The two of us doesn’t really mind about the other taking overtimes from time to time and Jeno’s shifts had never been a cause of worry but now, we just wish to spend all of our time with her. It’s nice to actually look forward to going home every single day.” Donghyuck looked to his friend with a fond smile on his face before snuggling closer to his husband.

Renjun smiled at the interaction and the domesticity of it all. “I’m glad that the both of you had the day off now.” He remarked lightly. Jeno looked over his husband’s head and nodded at his best friend, albeit a bit tiredly. “I feel like my soul is getting sucked out of my body with each passing second.” Renjun chuckled at that as he can relate to his friend’s struggle. “How do make it work though? You two are working outside of home, Jeno’s shifts can be horrible, and the students can be a pain in the arse, so how?”

Jeno and Donghyuck looked at each other, then to their friend, before offering a shrug. “We enrolled Seunghye to day care?” They offered. Renjun looked unimpressed, obviously unamused with the sarcastic remark. “Alright, alright, we just try hard to have dinner together as much as possible. Then we tell stories. You should know it, communication is the key to every single relationship you have.” Jeno leaned back before raising his own eyebrows in inquiry. “You seem awfully interested in this whole parenting deal Jun. Get married first, then we’ll talk.” Renjun glared at his friends who are obviously laughing at his curiosities and dilemmas. “Do shut up.”

Returning his gaze to the kids, his features soften seeing Jaemin interact with the two. The man seemed to be lost at times but his effort to catch up with the two children who were raucous as hell. ‘ _So much for being sweet darlings._ ’ Renjun shook his head in amusement. “I wouldn’t really blame you for having such thoughts. You’re practically all over Jinwoo and Seunghye plus Jaemin is being absolute husband material. Just get married, you idiots.” Donghyuck sassed which led Renjun into a blushing and stuttering mess.

Shaking his head, he tried to recompose himself and settled on staring at the fond sight in front of him. Jinwoo and Seunghye were giggling as they hold up their mock-swords in the air, screaming battle cries, while they are riding Jaemin’s back who, despite obviously having a hard time, is laughing alongside with them. There are a combination of various Greek gods and goddesses thrown around while the businessman shouts various creatures from various mythologies, which, as far as he’s aware, have nothing to do with each other. “He’s such an idiot.” He mumbled under his breath but the fondness in his eyes and the small smile grazing his features did not go unnoticed as Jeno and Donghyuck exchanged amused looks.

“We know that you’re the type who will date with marriage in mind, so why don’t you think about it?” Jeno offered, his hand caressing Donghyuck’s waist from where it is positioned. The latter nodded, snuggling closer to his husband. “You’ve been dating for what, more than six months now? And you two are sound and capable adults. You two are more than stable, heck, loverboy over there is a whole ass millionaire disguising as part of working class when we all know he’s a fucking capitalist-” “Language Hyuck.” Renjun reprimanded but his best friend merely waved his hand and continued on his speech. “- irrelevant – and you could even stop working and you’ll still live in wealth.”

Renjun sighed. “It’s not about stability, because one, I am quite capable myself, thank you very much; I don’t need his wealth built on surplus whereas the poor are in constant deficit due to the greed of the capitalists such as him-” “Jen, let me strangle him, come on, let me go, I need to knock some sense into that overly rationalizing brain of his-” It was a good thing Jeno is athletic and stronger than his husband because the glint in Donghyuck’s eyes is terrifying it literally sent Renjun on the edge of the couch.

“Fine, fine.” The psychiatrist relented, actually fearing for his life which might end prematurely if he further aggravates his youngest best friend. “Marriage is a serious concept. Sure, divorce can be an option should failure of it arises, but I don’t want to go down that path. You know my personality, I’m not fond of trial and errors; if I go down a path, I would ponder over it extensively because I go all in.” Renjun looked down before gazing at the trio who’s now wrestling with Jinwoo and Seunghye giggling on top of a mock-wailing Jaemin.

The couple looked at each other before offering their best friend sympathetic glances. “Whatever floats your boat then. Think over it though, you are not really getting younger, you will have to settle sooner or later.” Donghyuck offered which only made Renjun roll his eyes at the statement. “You’re sounding awfully alike with mother and you know what? It makes me want to go against your expectations and whims even more.” He smirked smugly. Jeno chuckled as he propped his chin on his husband. “You’re so smart Jun, but you can also be an absolute idiot.” Renjun made a face.

Settling on comfortable silence, the three best friends opted on ending the conversation and watching the three play around. Now, finally tired of physically engaging with the two five-year-old, Jaemin sat, cross-legged, while the two children mimicked various animals and characters. Renjun is amused seeing Jaemin give enthusiastic reactions despite playing with the kids for more than an hour straight while running on four-hours sleep and three cups of his deadly coffee. ‘ _Maybe I could have this._ ’ He thought fondly to himself.

Until his phone buzzed with a message from an unknown source. Chills shot down through his spine as there is only one person who is brave and crazy enough to threaten him like this. The knowledge doesn’t placate him though as he shakily looked up to the precious scene in front of him.

“ _You thought you can be happy? Hell no. Be on guard Huang; I’ll ruin you._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I always open my footnotes, I want to take everyone who left kudos here. Thank you very much for the 262 kudos! I still cannot grasp the knowledge that people MIGHT actually be enjoying this but seeing you everyone leaving kudos and comments here are so beyond me, I cannot begin to fathom how to thank you all.
> 
> This chapter can be quite... lackluster. I'm sorry for that but I want to show you all their dynamics plus the progress with the side ships' relationships which can or can't be a pushing factor for the progress in RenMin's relationship. There has been quite a time skip here, but, yeah. I'm also sorry because this has not been my best chapter. I was not able to concentrate on writing this week since I was constantly anxious for my enrollment because our student portal (more like the system) had been a bitch. I was constantly on edge, thinking that I might not continue university (although it's obviously just exaggeration and paranoia combined). 
> 
> As for Renjun's past... Let's just say he'll finally face his high school demons and we'll finally know what's the deal with him and Kwon Eunbin plus Kim Chanhee. I want to warn you though, it won't be pretty.
> 
> Lastly, don't be shy to leave comments! Keyboard smashes are HIGHLY HIGHLY appreciated. Criticisms and critiques are welcomed as well, you can leave a hate comment and I won't bat an eyelash. Feedbacks are something I value highly as they help me improve my writing. If you're too shy here, you can go anonymous on my CC right here: https://curiouscat.me/LeilaLynn_ (sorry, this idiot doesn't know how to use hyperlink, I flunked my computer class :( ).
> 
> Until next week then!

**Author's Note:**

> So. This was given birth to. *hides in a corner* 
> 
> I swear I didn't mean to produce this! But then while I was being emotional and shit with school, I had this talk with my mother and it just gave birth to this. She kept on wanting me to settle someday (SOMEDAY, DEFINITELY NOT NOW, good gracious) and I kept on telling everyone that I don't want to get married. So, yeah. 
> 
> First warning: This collided with my upcoming midterms and upcoming finals but I will try to update as frequently as possible. 
> 
> Second warning: Like my previous fic, 'What A Long Ass Ride,' this will be bullshit. Don't say that I did not warn you.
> 
> So enjoy!


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